When September Ends

I slumped on the kitchen counter as Adrienne tentatively took care of any cuts and bruises. I felt so weak, so drained of energy that I just wanted to fall asleep right there. I continued to lie with my head on the counter, deep in thought. I didn't even notice that I had started to cry.
Adrienne put a glass of water and two aspirin down beside me. That's when I finally looked up.

"Thank you" I barely whispered.
"What happened Billie?" she asked, her voice full of sorrow and a sort of pained look in her eyes.

"I got my ass kicked Adie, I thought that much was obvious" I snipped, slightly bitter at her ignorance.

"Who though, honey?" she hesitated slightly, nervous about my response

"No i-fucking-dea!" I bit down on my tongue to stop me from saying something I would regret. I swallowed my aspirin in one gulp and slammed the glass down slightly harder than I should have, causing it to crack.

"Sorry" I whispered as I picked up the bits of glass and put them in the trash

I looked out the kitchen into the back garden. The rising sun was glinting off the pool and I could see several birds flitting about.

I walked over to the coffee machine and started making some for Adie and myself. I could feel her silent glare burning into the back of my head. She didn't dare speak for fear of my reaction. I slammed two mugs down on the bench. I sensed her flinch. I coughed, she flinched. I went in the drawer for a teaspoon, slammed the drawer shut, she flinched.
Was I some kind of monster? I sure as hell felt like it right now. I set her coffee down infront her and took the stool beside her.
I shimmied closer and rested my head on her shoulder.

"I love you" she whimpered. That was all it took for me to burst out crying. Big uncontrollable sobs that shook my whole body. My face was nestled in the nape of Adrienne's neck. She gently stroked my cheek while I took in her sweet scent. The smell I would never forget. Even sat here in a dressing gown with no make-up on, she was still the most beautiful woman I would ever meet. She is the only woman I will ever love.
I glanced up at her solemn face. I leaned up and kissed her gently.

"I'm sure I know the guy from somewhere" I stated. "I just can't seem to piece things together.
I quietly played with Adrienne's hand, sliding her rings on and off her fingers absent mindedly. Even though we hadn't done much talking, the silence was welcomed and definitely needed. Very often these days, I found myself struggling to make conversation with her.

I found myself wanting to touch her, to make sure she was real. I always hoped I was on the verge of waking up from some nightmare. I reached up with my left hand and cupped her face. She looked and saw my eyes welling up again.
"I'm here" she soothed as she stood us both up and took us to the couch. I laid my head in her lap as she ran her fingers through my hair. Her touch never failed to send shivers through my body. She grinned and leaned down to kiss my forehead.

"I love you, 80"

***

I woke up some time later, still in Adrienne's lap. The house seemed quiet so the boys weren't up yet. Adrienne noticed I was awake and smiled warmly, stretching.
"You could have moved if you wanted" I said

"I didn't want to disturb you. It was nice just sitting there, seeing you peaceful. For once looking like you didn't have a care in the world." I leaned up and kissed her lips.

"You're perfect" I said looking over her face, taking in all her features like I had done a million times before that. Everything I did these days seemed to be more significant even if I had done them before. I felt like I needed to burn the image of her face into my mind so that I would never forget her. Burn the image of her body into my mind.
Before I knew it, I was slipping my hands inside her dressing gown, running them over every curve of her body.

I kissed her harder and undid her dressing gown. Kissing down her jawline and onto her neck, I swiftly lifted her silk nightgown over her head. She responded my taking off my shirt and unbuckling my belt. I moaned lightly as she brushed my crotch with her hand. Both naked, I pushed her back on the couch, a tangle of limbs.

***

it was 11am before the boys woke up. At this point me and Adrienne were sat in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"Morning, Buddy" I said cheerfully.
Jake smiled and hopped up onto the chair next to me.

"Dad! What happened to your face?" he exclaimed.

I had totally forgotten about the previous night.

"I got into a little fight but it's okay, I'm fine, don't worry about it" I said, unable to come with a good enough excuse.

"That's not very nice" Jakob said sorrowfully

"I know, now enough about that, what do you want for breakfast?" I asked, standing up and taking my plate to the dishwasher.

"Just cereal, please" Jakob sighed.

I got Jakob his cereal and set it down infront of him.

"I'm gonna go in the shower then we're gonna go out, okay? So finish up your breakfast and go get ready. I'll wake Joey up as well." I said turning and walking away.

"Where are we going?" he piped up

"You'll see, it's a surprise.

I went upstairs and knocked on Joey's door. He opened it up with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Oh good, you're up. Get dressed and have some breakfast, we're going out as soon as I get ready" I said ruffling his hair

"Oh okay" He said rather dejectedly

"What's up?" I asked

"Oh nothing, just tired" he said and retreated in his room, closing the door behind him

I shrugged it off and went to get in the shower.

***

I took the boys to the mall and dragged them around for a while before I finally found the place I was looking for. As we stepped in the shop, the boys realised where we were and looked at eachother hopefully.

"Can I help?" A woman behind a desk asked.

"Yeah I'd like to book a vacatiom to Disney Land, Florida"

I heard the boys squeal with delight and chuckled to myself.

When we got home, the boys went running straight in the house

"Mom! We're going to Disney Land!" Joey screamed

I saw Adrienne look round the couch with a confused look on her face.

"We're going to Disney Land" Jake reiterated

"What?" she asked, still confused

"I booked us all to go to Disney Land in two weeks" I smiled

"Oh my God, I love you" she said, before planting a kiss on my cheek

"That all I get?" I teased

She responded by kissing me again, this time on the lips. Joey and Jakob cringed. I laughed and shook my head at them.

"Let's go out for dinner tonight" I said

"That would be nice" Adrienne smiled. I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her forehead

***

We had just been seated in the restaurant and handed some menus. The waitress took the order for our drinks and left to go and get them.

"Do you have to drink beer when we're out as a family" Adrienne hissed.

"It's only one beer, don't starting laying down the law, Adie" I retorted.

She sighed and looked back at the menu.

I got up and walked over to the bar and ordered a whisky. I felt like a teenager rebelling against my parents but I felt I had to show her she couldn't tell me what to do. I knew I was being pathetic but I just had to do it. I gulped the whisky down and walked back to our table.

The waitress set our drinks down in front of each of us and took our orders. I could feel Adrienne glaring at me out the corner of her eye. I ignored and waited for the food to arrive. I sat listening to Joey and Jakob bicker.

Before I knew it, our food was being set down infront of us

"Can I get another beer please?" I asked

"Yes of course" she smiled, walking away.

We sat and ate the meal in total silence, not the comfortable kind.

Adrienne sat witth pursed lips as we waited for the boys to finish their icecream.

I took the bill off the waitress and paid and tipped her and we walked out in silence

I kissed the boys goodbye and told Adrienne I would see her later. She didn't say a word, just got in the car and drove away.

I skulked off and went to the nearest bar. I sat at the bar on my own, ordering one whisky after another. I left at 10:15pm after having a few too many. I went a couple of blocks along and stopped in a park to sit on a swing.

I noticed someone out of the corner of my eye lighting up what looked like a joint.

In a moment of madness, I turned to the guy

"You got any I can buy?" I asked

"Sure" he said looking around cautiously and coming over and handing me a bag. I gave him the money.

"Hey you're that guy, Billie Joe" he smiled, recognising my face.

"Yeah, that guy." I said getting up and walking away.

"Thanks" I shouted over my shoulder.

I found somewhere quiet to roll a joint and lit it up. I coughed slightly as the smoke hit the back of my throat.

I looked at the joint in my hand and chuckled. I hadn't done this in a long time. I didn't even think about what I was doing.

I just sat and watched the smoke swirling about my head. I felt my eyes starting to get heavy with each drag on it.

I finished and flicked the end away. I got up and stumbled out onto the main street to get a taxi. I sat in a total daze the whole way home. I handed the guy a fifty and got out.

I braced myself as I turned my key in the lock and walked in.

I sat down on the couch next to Adrienne. She turned and glared at me before sniffing up.

"You stink of whisky and marijuana! Please tell me you haven't!" she exclaimed.

I turned and looked at her and one look into my red eyes told her everything that she didn't want to know.

"You're an ass. Get out my sight." she stated, walking past me and grabbing the phone.

"Mike, he's driving me insane, youre going to have to come and get him" she stressed "Thanks, see you soon" she said, putting the phone down in it's charger.

"Why do you have to get Mike involved?" I bit

"Don't speak to me Billie. You're not eighteen anymore. You're a father, you need to start acting like it" she retorted.

We sat in silence, waiting for Mike to arrive. When he got here, he knocked and walked straight in.

"What's up Beej?" he asked, trying to sound casual.

"Let's just fucking go" I said walking past him and to his car.

I stood by his car and watched as Adrienne started crying and Mike immediately wrapped his arms around her in comfort.

"Pfft" I said to myself.

Mike finally came out and unlocked the car. I got in and slammed the door shut

"Calm down Billie. I think we need to talk" he stated

"Who are you? My father?" I snapped

He pulled out the driveway and drove to his place in total silence. As he switched the engine off, I started crying softy, resting my head on the dashboard.

"Billie, what's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

I just looked at him

"I'm dying" I whispered.

I looked into his eyes, searching for even a flicker of a response.

"What?" he asked