Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

It was amazing how easy it was to forget about something that came around every month like clockwork.

I, like any other girl, kept a scheduled calendar in my phone for when Aunt Flow would be visiting me every month. For some reason though, with the craziness of tour and everything else going on around me, I forgot. I completely and totally forgot. When I woke up in the hotel on our second day off with cramps so bad that I felt like knives were stabbing my in the stomach though, I was quickly reminded.

We had to check out at noon and then it was press day for the guys, meaning traveling around to various radio stations and things of that nature. It was like a blessing in disguise, because lots of press meant I could lay in my bunk as long as I wanted and PMS in private.

That was all lost on the fact that I thought I was going to die right in the hotel bed, though.

I was curled up in fetal position on top of the covers, my eyes shut as tight as possible, when Danielle finally rolled out of bed. “Peyt? You alright?”

I just groaned in response.

I heard her get off of her bed and walk over to me. I opened my eyes when I felt her hand on my shoulder and saw her crouch down in front of me. I didn’t even have to say anything as she said, “Cramps?”

I nodded. She knew me so well.

“Did you bring any tylenol or anything with you?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t realize I’d be starting, actually. It slipped my mind and I have nothing with me.”

Danielle nodded. “Okay. We have to check out in an hour, and then it’s press day right?” I nodded again. “So when the guys go out, I’ll run to a store or something and get you some things.”

“This is why you’re my best friend,” I said with a smile.

She laughed. “Just call me Super-friend,” and then she winked. “Now let’s get packed up and get out of here.”

***

After a hot shower and a change of clothes, and once Danielle and I packed up our overnight bags, we headed down to the lobby to meet up with everyone else.

The guys were standing around talking when we showed up. I was expecting Danielle to head over to Josh when she saw him, but instead she went to Bryony. I walked over to one of the chairs set up in a seating area and collapsed, bringing my knees up to my chest and hugging my chest. It seemed to be the only position I could sit in without wanting to cry.

I didn’t even realize Danielle was back at my side until she was tapping my shoulder. I opened my eyes and she was smiling back at me. “I talked to Bryony and she told me she’d take me to a store whenever we stopped next.”

I thanked her a million times over but she shook it off. “I’m your best friend, this is what I do.”

Once we were checked out, we all went to the bus and climbed on. I immediately went to the second level and got into my bunk. I wrapped my arms around my body and hugged the stuffed bunny I had brought with me, just in case. I had gotten the bunny when I was five and fell off of my bike and had to get stitches in my chin. My dad had gotten it for me to make me feel better, and I still slept with it some nights. I thought terrible cramps was a good excuse to cuddle with Mr. Bunny (what can I say? As a five year old I was very creative with names.)

I tried to sleep, but sleeping was hard when you just wanted to cry out in pain.

I did close my eyes though, and I may have drifted off for a few minutes when I felt the bus start up again. I figured we were probably just on our way to the first press event. I think it was some sort of radio performance. I don’t know. I was in too much pain to care.

After a little while, I heard Danielle calling my name. I opened my eyes only to reveal her standing in front of me with a gentle smile on her face. “Bryony and I are going to head to the store with Ollie.”

The terrified look on my face gave away my worries, which were why the hell is Ollie going with you to get me my feminine needs?

She laughed gently. “He needs to pick some stuff up too. Don’t worry, Peyt. We’ve got you covered.”

“Thank you, Dan. Seriously.”

She smiled. “Max and Matt went off for some radio interview, and so did Chris and Dan. Josh has a phone interview, so he’s the only one here. If you need anything, just let him know.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll get right on that, Danielle.”

She laughed. “Figured you’d say that. Still. Just letting you know. We’ll be back as soon as possible.”

I thanked her again before she headed out. I didn’t move from my spot for awhile, because I figured I’d enjoy the peace and quiet as long as possible.

It was hard to enjoy peace and quiet when you couldn’t stop thinking about the boy sitting a level below you on a bus that was completely unoccupied save for you and said boy.

I tossed and turned, both due to the cramps and the gears turning in my head. I couldn’t close my eyes for longer than a few seconds before the image of Josh popped up in my head. It infuriated me, in all honesty. I just wanted some sleep. Was that too much to ask?

After about twenty minutes of no sleep, I finally crawled out of my bunk and headed down to the lower level of the bus. I walked gingerly down the stairs and when I reached the front lounge, I heard Josh’s voice. He was sitting on the couch in the front, obviously on the phone doing the interview. I made my way to the back lounge and collapsed on the couch. Even if I wasn’t going to get any sleep, I figured I should at least try and be comfortable. I went into the same fetal position I had been in for the past few hours and closed my eyes tightly.

I pain was hitting me in waves now, and this was one of those waves. It would last for several minutes and leave tears in my eyes when it was over. It made me want to throw up.

Just as the pain was subsiding slightly, I heard footsteps coming towards me. I opened my eyes just enough to peek and see who it was, which was stupid. It could only be one person.

“Peyton, I need you to move, I need to sit back here to get a good internet connection,” he barked at me roughly.

I held my hand up and gave him my middle finger in response just as another wave of pain was hitting me.

I groaned and hugged my legs tighter to my chest, unable to do much else.

Josh sat down near my head with his laptop and muttered, “You’re being extra bitchy today.”

If I could have, I would have bit his head off. Instead I just groaned.

Apparently, this set off something in Josh’s head. Maybe he realized how much pain I was in, and maybe he realized something was wrong. Whatever it was, he looked down at me with concerned eyes and asked, “You alright Peyt?”

I shook my head, trying not to be too shocked by the fact that his voice was completely serious and lacked the venom it held minutes before.

“What’s wrong?”

“Aside from the fact that I honestly think I’m going to have to stab my stomach in a few minutes to relieve the pain, nothing. I’m peachy,” I informed him, finally sitting up. The laying down was doing nothing for me now. It was like I had become immune.

“Danielle said you weren’t feeling too good,” he commented, typing away on his computer. “Cramps?” he asked bluntly.

I would have choked in surprise if I wasn’t so not surprised. Josh had a sister. He wasn’t stupid.

I nodded. “Terrible ones, actually.”

He nodded as well and was quiet for a minute. I glanced at him silently and watched as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a number. I watched as he brought the phone to his ear and listened. And then, I listened to the one-sided conversation.

“‘lo, Liss. No, no, everything’s fine. I was just wondering, what to you do for terrible cramps? Anything special?” He was quiet again as he listened. I watched as he nodded. “Okay, thanks Liss.” He rolled his eyes and said goodbye, then hung up the phone. “I’ll be right back,” he informed me before climbing off of the couch.

I waited for his return.

Several minutes later, he came back with a mug that seemed to be steaming and what looked like a wash cloth rolled up. He handed me the mug and I looked at it skeptically. “What is this?”

“It’s warm milk with some cinnamon mixed in. It’s supposed to help.”

I eyed him skeptically and drank the milk, cringing at the over bearing cinnamon flavor. When I finished I handed him the empty mug and he instructred me to lay down, so I did.

“Here, place this on your lower abdomin.”

I lifted my shirt slightly because the towel was damp and then I placed it on my stomach.

“Elissa said to press the towel down lightly. The pressure and the heat should relieve the cramps. And if that doesn’t work, then the milk and cinnamon should.”

I smiled at him gratefully with tears in my eyes. I couldn’t help it; sweet gestures combined with my PMSing made me a hormonal mess. “Thank you,” I whispered.

He nodded shortly at me, and then we were quiet. I couldn’t tear my eyes off of him and apparently he couldn’t do the same. We were like this for several minutes before he shook his head and tore his gaze from mine, breaking the connection. “Dammit, Peyton,” he cursed under his breath.

I sat up, but didn’t remove the towel from my stomach. “What?”

“You!” he exclaimed. It didn’t make any sense and it didn’t answer my question and yet I still knew what he meant.

I got off of the couch so I was closer to his height, because I hated that he had that advantage. It was an odd pet peeve, but if we were going to fight he wouldn’t talk down to me.

“Why are you here, Peyton?” he asked finally, desperately.

“For Max, for my friends, for my father,” I answered. “I’m here for them, Josh. Not you, not for me. For them. But like I said, you just happened to get in the way.”

“I got in the way?” he exclaimed, pointing at himself. “I live here, Peyton! This is my life! You’re the one intruding!”

“I can’t fucking help it!” I yelled back, stomping my foot once for emphasis. “I can’t help that this is happening Josh! I can’t help that Max is my step brother or that you’re suddenly interested in fucking my best friend. I can’t help that no matter how hard I try to forget you, you’re still intertwined into my life somehow.”

I watched as his exterior visibly hardened. His eyes narrowed as he glared at me. “Well I can’t help that you seem to be so interested in getting into our merchie’s pants now either. If you really wanted to get rid of me, you wouldn’t be doing that would you?”

“Just like you wouldn’t be getting involved with my best friend?” I sneered.

Just as he was getting ready to say something, his phone went off. I wanted to say something more and continue this fight, but it wasn’t worth it. I rolled my eyes as he got wrapped up in another interview and went back up to my bunk.