Friends, Lovers, or Nothing

“Peyt?” her voice cracked. “I could really use you right now.”

I kept replaying our conversation in my head, over and over again. The way her voice sounded so heartbroken and sad. The tears I myself shed, while I listened to her cry over the phone. It was awful, absolutely heart-wrenching, that I had to be in a completely different country than her.

But not for long.

The time between my conversation with Danielle and when we were all gathering our things to leave the hotel was a complete blur. I kept getting funny looks and curious glances, but no one questioned me. That is, no one questioned me yet. I could almost feel it in my bones that they were just itching to ask me something, anything, but I was thanking all that was good and holy that they were waiting.

It took a few hours, between all of the goodbyes and making sure the crew members that were leaving us were off on their way, but we did finally get everything situated and then we were out of there.

The bus ride was quiet at first. It was only Max, Josh, Dan, Chris, Matt, Ollie, and myself. I sure as hell wasn’t talking first. I was too busy looking up tickets for a plane ride home; and apparently, none of the guys wanted to talk either. They just stared at me, as if that was going to make me answer their unknown questions.

Max was the first to break the silence. “Peyt, are you okay?”

I wanted to scoff. I wanted to laugh in his face at the ludicrous question. Was I okay? I was fucking peachy. “Not really, Max. No,” I answered honestly. What else was I supposed to say?

“What’s wrong? You’ve been so quiet since last night,” Ollie piped up next.

I eyed Josh quickly, but he wasn’t looking at me. His gaze was locked on the floor. Typical. I sighed and finally looked up from my computer. “It’s Danielle’s grandfather...” I trailed off. I felt like I shouldn’t be telling them this, like it wasn’t any of their business. But then at the same time, I felt like I had to tell someone.

“Is he alright?” Josh piped up finally. I wanted to jump out of my seat and smack him around to much that he forgot everything from the past year, but I refrained.

“He’s not doing well at all,” I answered, but I refused to look at Josh. I dragged my eyes back down to my computer screen and continued searching for plane tickets.

I heard someone get up and then looked over when they sat next to me. Max wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled my into his side, which I appreciated. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my laptop, tired of staring at the screen.

“You’re leaving aren’t you?” he asked solemnly.

I nodded. “I have to, Max. She’s my best friend, and she needs me. You didn’t hear her voice...” I trailed off, thinking of the phone call the night before.

“It’s okay, Peyton. I understand,” he said quietly, rubbing my arm in reassurance. “As your brother, I’ll do my best to get you home as soon as possible.”

***

Once we got back to Surrey, and once everyone went their separate ways, and once I said a heartfelt goodbye to Ollie with a promise to call him as soon as possible, everything kind of blurred together.

I offered my father a quick and rather vague explanation of what was going on with Danielle before I dropped the bomb that I had to go home. “She needs me,” I told him quietly, and that was all he needed to here.

“Say no more love. When’s the flight?”

With that, we booked a red eye flight that would leave at around two in the morning.

After a quick catch up with my dad and Hanna, I immediately went to my bedroom and threw the remains of my things into my suitcase while I organized everything already in it. As I was folding some of my clothes, there was a quiet knock coming from the doorframe of the bedroom.

I briefly turned around and caught Max out of the corner of my eye before turning back around with a small smile on my face. “Hi Max,” I greeted him quietly while I folded up some of my shirts and stuffed them into my suitcase.

I heard him chuckle and then I heard his footsteps as he walked further into the room. He took a seat on the bed beside my suitcase, and I took that as my sign to sit as well. I pushed my suitcase aside and settled down beside him.

“Peyton, I have to talk to you.”

I sighed before I let my body fall back against the mattress. I placed my hands behind my head and looked up at my brother. “What’s up Max?”

“Well first of all, I don’t want you to leave, Peyt. I feel like you just got here.”

I sighed again and lifted myself up, holding my body up with my arms behind me. “You know I have to Max. Danielle needs me, and that’s saying something.”

He nodded solemnly, because I’m sure he knew this already. “I know, I know. Doesn’t mean I want you too, though. That’s not what I needed to talk to you about, though.”

“Somehow I knew that, Max.” I sat up fully so I could look him in the eyes. “What’s up?”

He raked his hands through his hair, a gesture that had my heart hurting because it had me thinking of another boy, and swallowed audibly. “I know about you and Ollie, Peyt.”

I rolled my eyes before I got off the bed and went back to folding my clothes and stuffing them into my suitcase. “That’s not an issue at all, Max. Nothing’s--”

“Nothing’s going on with you two?” he cut me off. “I know. That’s what I know.”

I narrowed my eyes as I glanced at him sideways. “Thanks for letting me know, brother,” I quipped sarcastically.

He barked out a bitter laugh. “Rich, Peyton. That’s really rich. You yourself could have let me know.”

I rolled my eyes. “It’s not a big deal, Max. Ollie was being a good friend. He knew what was going on, or rather what went on with me and Josh, and he wanted to help me. Big freaking whoop!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands up in frustration. “I didn’t hurt anyone.”

“Except you, and probably Josh,” he threw back at me.

I stopped folding my clothes in my tracks before taking a calming breath and returning to it. “Josh doesn’t care about me at all, Max. Not one bit, so if you could get off that kick, that’d be great.”

“Peyton,” he said seriously. “Peyton, look at me,” he said again, trying to get my attention.

I sighed and turned my whole body towards him, crossing my arms in front of my chest with a sigh. “What?”

“I’m not trying to hurt you, or upset you, or anything like that Peyton. I’m trying to help. And you acting like there’s nothing between you and Josh won’t help at all, because we both know that’s not true.”

I quirked an eyebrow. “How can you be so sure Max? I mean, really?”

“Because he told me.”

I felt like I had just been sucker-punched. “Wh-what?” I stuttered. I must have heard wrong. There was no way Josh still felt anything except hatred for me, especially after all I had confessed the night before. There was no way.

“Look Peyton, I know you probably don’t believe me but--”

“No Max,” I said firmly. “Please don’t. I literally spilled my heart to him the other night and he didn’t say anything. It hurts just thinking about, so please, just... drop it, okay?”

“But--”

“Drop it.”

He sighed before getting off my bed. “Fine. When are we leaving?”

I shrugged, turning back to finish packing. I knew it was childish, to ignore him like that, but I couldn’t help it. I heard him grunt and stomp out of the room, and then the coast was clear. I rubbed my forehead furiously before blowing out a breath of air in frustration.

I just wanted to get home.

***

I was packed up, and my goodbyes were said. Hanna was shedding tears still while I continued to hug the rest of the guys. I said goodbye to Chris and Matt and Dan, but of course Josh was no where to be found.

Of course.

I hugged my father last, promising to call him when I got home.

“Give Danielle my condolences love, please.”

“I promise, dad,” I said as I hugged him again. “I have to go though, I don’t want to miss my flight.”

He nodded, shedding a few of his own tears, before waving Max and I off. “Be careful, kids. Please,” he pleaded as we climbed into the car.

Then we were off. Quiet, but at least we were on our way.

For the first part of the drive, nothing was said. Max fiddled with every button and knob, from the radio to the windshield wipers to the lights. I tried to ignore it, and it worked for the most part. I had Danielle on my mind, and how I couldn’t wait to see her, but there was something else. Someone else.

Why hadn’t Josh said goodbye?

I knew we weren’t on great terms, but couldn’t he have at least come to say a quick goodbye?

“What are you thinking about?” Max spoke quietly, breaking our silence.

“Everything. Danielle, Josh, what you said, what I said. How screwed up everything is.”

“Peyton, I didn’t mean to--”

“Stop, Max. It’s okay. This is all on me. Always has been. I screwed up.”

He sighed again, and that was the end of all conversation until we were pulling into Heathrow.

Max pulled up to the curbside drop-off, and we both clamored out of the car. Max grabbed my suitcase and set it down on the ground, and we were still silent. Without saying a word, I reached out and hugged him, wrapping my arms around his neck as tight as I possibly could.

I heard him laugh before he enveloped me in the hug as well. “We really are just like brother and sister, aren’t we?”

I nodded, not saying a word because I knew if I did I would cry.

When we pulled back, I wiped the tears away. “I’m sorry, Max. For everything. I feel like in the past year I’ve just complicated everything, and I’m sorry for that.”

He shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t ever be sorry, Peyton. We’re fine, okay? You and me, we’re good. I promise. I wouldn’t have us any other way, alright?”

I felt myself nodding even if I didn’t believe it.

I checked my phone and realized I had to get inside and get through security, because despite the late hour, I was sure the airport was still going to be pretty busy. “I’ll call you when I get home, okay? I love you, Max. Even if you drive me bonkers.”

He laughed and hugged me again. “Love you too, Peyt. Love you too.”

I turned to leave then, because I knew if I didn’t I never would. It was like deja vu all over again.

I’m not sure how far I got, but I know it wasn’t very. I barely was even inside of the airport it felt like before someone was calling my name behind me. I thought I was going crazy at first. Considering the little amount of sleep I had gotten in the past few weeks, it wouldn’t have surprised me at all if I was going insane.

But then I heard it again. And again. And then I heard, “Jesus Christ Peyton, are you deaf?”

I whipped around, stopping in the middle of the airport, only to reveal Josh. “What the hell are you doing here?” I hissed when he got closer.

“I needed to talk to you! Is that so hard to believe?”

I scoffed. Did he really want me to answer that? “Josh, I have a flight to catch and a best friend waiting for me at home who needs my help picking up her broken pieces. You’ve had weeks, hell, you’ve had months to talk to me. A year even, and you’re choosing now as I’m getting ready to board a plane? You must have lost you’re fucking mind.”

“No, Peyton, I’ve had a day to process. That’s it. You’ve given me a day with these newfound feelings you have, and that’s not fair. A day, and then you’re going to hop on a plane and leave again? I don’t think so,” he argued, as if this was even an argument.

“Okay, you know what Josh? Fine. You’re right. It’s all my fault. But right now, I have a plane to catch, and you’re timing couldn’t be worse.”

“What, you take back what you said last night?”

I barked out a laugh. “No Josh, I never once said I didn’t care about you still. I never once said I stopped caring. You’re the one who walked out. You’re the one who told me to get out of your life, multiple times. So you know what? I’m done. I’m leaving. You can have all the time you want to get over me, because I’m going home to my best friend who needs me.”

I didn’t wait for a response. It wouldn’t have mattered what he said anyways, because nothing was going to change my mind.

I had a place to catch. I had a broken heart to repair. I had best friend duties to fulfill, and I’d be damned if I didn’t do just that.