Baby, Just Breathe.

“Why did I even accept to go, I wonder”

“Darling I think it’s too late to complain now”

My mom was helping me fitting in the dress for the wedding. The day was arrived and I was nervous. I had to wear a dress, and I really wasn’t use to that. The dress I bought was simple but really cute: it was water green colored and it went just down my body. I didn’t wear high heels because I probably would have killed myself, as I thought I would have ran after Sophia for most of the time. My mom helped me with the make up, and gave me a couple of accessorizes to wear that she bought for me. Looking at my reflection at the mirror after that transformation was impressively nice. I liked myself, I liked what I was seeing.

“You are beautiful”

“You can’t say it; it’s obvious you think I’m beautiful! You’re my mom!”

“Do you always answer like this when John compliments you?”

My mom knew about the whole John thing. I was used to tell her quite everything so she knew there was this famous and hot and nice guy who I was almost…kind of…flirting with, when I was at work.

“See? I found you some good place where to work at, you should thank me”

“Thanks mom”

We heard then the noise of the car being parked in front of my house. Mom looked out of the window and told me a big BMW SUV was there. I knew whose car it was. I looked at myself one last time before letting out a big sigh and going out. I was nervous. It wasn’t like a proper date but I felt like it was.
When I got out of my house, John was waiting for me, leaned against the car, with that ‘look how hot I am’ expression on his face. He was confident, no doubt on that, but I would have dared him not to be.
He was wearing a suit, and the first thing I noticed was a pair of suspenders. He looked amazing, period.
He started at me while I was approaching, smiling. I couldn’t see his eyes, because they were covered by the usual pair of Ray-ban sunglasses. He just opened the door and let me in the car.
As soon as he started to drive, he also started talking.

“I like your dress”

“I like your suspenders”

“They’re pretty cool, aren’t they?”

“Yes…but…where is Sophia? I thought we were going all together”

“That was the plan…until my dad came out of nowhere yesterday night, so they went together and I decided to go on my own, so I came and picked you up with my car”

“That’s nice of you but…wait… Your dad!? Did he come back?”

“Yes, it was a surprise, apparently. It was a good one, though! Sophia was so happy! She said that finally we can be together for a while as a real family… she missed that. It’s like months we’re not seeing each other all at once; this is an event for her”

“It’s comprehensible; she needs her family after all. I’m happy for you all” he thanked me “so I guess I’m going to meet Mr. O’Callaghan today!”

“Definitely yes! You will like his moustaches”

I laughed. We talked for the whole trip to Gilbert, while listening to Ryan Adams on the radio. He told me about his band mates, even if I already knew something –always thanks to Wikipedia- and that his bassist Garrett was a huge fan of Mr. Adams. Unfortunately they wouldn’t have been there to share the day with us: thinking about it twice, I didn’t know if that was a good or bad idea.
After less than an hour, we got to the big villa and restaurant where John’s cousin decided to get married. I spotted Sophia, dressed in pink. She was hugging a man who I supposed was her and John’s father. We reached for them and Sophia was happy to see me; then I greeted Mrs. O’Callaghan and the mysterious Mr. O’Callaghan. The man was in his 50ies, but he was a fascinating man: John totally looked like him, a part from the grey moustaches. He immediately smiled at me and kissed my hand, like a real gentlemen.

“You must be the famous Lauren!”

“I guess so…!? Nice to meet you Sir”

“Oh don’t call me Sir, you make me feel like an old man! But I am thrilled to meet you; my whole family is talking so much about you that I was dying of curiosity. By the way, I’m John Cornelius O’Callaghan”

I would have burst in a laugh if I didn’t know he wasn’t joking. Yes, because his name was the same as his son. The only difference was the number. He was the fourth while his son was the fifth.
We talked about my intention to go to college and about Sophia, until we had to sit down and shut up.
The ceremony was about to star; I took a seat at the end of the hallway, next to John. The rest of his family was far from us, and there were a lot of people attending the big event.
Someone started to play the piano, and finally the bride joined us. The husband –from what I could have been seeing- was a cute guy in his 30ies, a typical Arizonian man who basically had everything in his hands.
When John’s cousin got in, everybody looked flashed. She was stunning: she had blonde long hair and blue eyes, and her white dress fitted her thin and tall body perfectly. I envied her. She could have been a model.

“John you didn’t tell me your cousin in so beautiful” I whispered.

“I had a crush on her a few years ago”

“That’s a bit…weird”

An old woman told us to shut up, so we didn’t talk for the rest of the ritual. They exchanged their promises and rings, and then they kissed. It didn’t last long, and it was quite enjoyable. It looked like a movie, actually. After that we got in a big room full of tables, where we all sat. I, of course, took a seat in the O’Callaghans table, between John and Sophia. It was kind of awkward but I tried to forget I was totally out of place, because it wouldn’t have helped me to survive the day.
We ate so much in the whole afternoon that I felt my belly button coming out, but it was all so good that I couldn’t resist. Mrs. O’Callaghan helped Sophia to eat and sometimes I had to pick up the pieces she threw on the floor on purpose. The married couple made a speech to thank everybody and then started to go round to greet all the guests. When they came to us I didn’t know what to say.

“Uncle John! Aunt Jenny! I’m so glad you’re here!”

Serena wasn’t just beautiful. She was also nice and caring. I wondered if that was just a mask, because it was impossible to be that sweet with everyone. His husband, Carter, wasn’t bad either.

“And look who is here! Sophia, you’re so cute baby! Come here”

She took Sophia in her arms and asked her a couple of questions. Then she turned to John.

“I didn’t think you showed up, big boy”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’re so famous that you forgot about me”

“That’s not true and you know it”

He smiled and I’m sure she fell for it too.

“You’re so full of shit”

The two hugged and I felt envy of her again. She was hugging that beautiful body of his and I was craving to do the same. And maybe not just hugging: for the whole time I found myself staring at that skinny frame, wondering where the hell did he came out of nowhere.

“Serena, let me introduce you Lauren”

She looked at me smiling and I wanted to shoot myself. I was surrounded by perfectness.

“Nice to meet you, Lauren! I guess…you two are like…together then?”

Both John and I started laughing nervously.

“No, I’m just Sophia’s baby sitter” I explained.

“I hope it’s ok if she’s here”

“Yes, totally!”

Sophia wanted to go to the toilet, so I took her. Thank God she asked me to accompany her: that whole situation was becoming so awkward I couldn’t take the embarrassment.
When we got out, John was standing there, waiting for us.

“You’re a creeper”

“She thought you were my girlfriend”

“I got it. I think everybody got that”

“Is that a problem?”

“Why would I care? We can’t just go to every one and tell them we are not what they think”

Sophia interrupted us.

“I wouldn’t mind if you two were together”

“Sophia, why don’t you go playing with those kids?”

She listened to me and went to play for real. The siblings were getting me in a hard time. They wanted to prove me or something like that. And I didn’t know how to react. We started walking to the garden outside.
It was very hot. But oh well, it was July and we were in Arizona, so I wasn’t surprised.

“Are you enjoying the day?”

“Yes, but I still think she did a huge mistake getting married, so you didn’t win”

“As for now”

“You are really getting me nervous”

“And why’s that?”

I didn’t answer; I just kept on walking until I found a bench to sit down on. He did the same. We didn’t talk for a while, but apparently he really didn’t like the silence.

“You are really cute today, I mean, that dress looks good on you”

“Ehm…thank you John… you… you look good too in that suit. You clean up very well”

After another moment of silence, and of awkwardness, I stood up and got back to our table. The cake was about to arrive and I really didn’t want to miss the moment. John came after a couple of minutes, and he sat again next to me. We were alone at the table, and I didn’t want to start another conversation.
His closeness was making me weird. I didn’t know what to do, because I always felt his eyes on me.

The cake was delicious, and Sophia thought it was good to make his dress eat as well. From pink it became white and brown. I had to help Mrs. O’Callaghan to clean it but it was pretty much useless.
I ate my piece and then I’ve waited for the next part of the ceremony with terror: the dances.
The couple was obviously the first to dance, with their song as background. It was ‘Everything’ by Lifehouse.
I loved that song so I started humming it, when I heard John’s voice humming it too. I didn’t dare looking at those green eyes, because I knew I would have felt the need to kiss him.
Everybody then stood up and started dancing, until I remained alone at the table. Even Sophia was dancing.

“Are you up for a dance?”

I turned to see John standing there, holding out his hand to me.

“John, I don’t dance”

“Me neither”

“Then why do you want to lose your feet”

“Because I’m masochist, come on”

He took my hand and brought me to the dance floor. He hugged me and we started to move in some way, rocked by the rhythm. It was ‘What a wonderful world’ by Louis Armstrong. My mom loved that song.
I felt John’s arms hugging me tighter, and touching my back, caressing it and making me feel high.
I tried to put away that feeling, and to enjoy the moment, by closing my eyes. When I opened them again I found his face so close to mine that just one move would have brought our lips to touch, but I didn’t do anything. I was too embarrassed and it really wasn’t the right moment. I felt my heart racing and as soon as he tried to say something, the music ended, so I stepped back and left him to reach the toilet.
I was feeling sick: all I wanted to do was puke. That was too much, and I couldn’t take to fall for him.
The problem was that I couldn’t shut both my head and my heart up: one of the two would have had kept on talking. Falling for him was becoming too easy: everything he did was amazing, for me. It was like every thing he touched became gold, when everything I touched became shit.
I needed to find my way back to the start, but at that point it seemed impossible.