Baby, Just Breathe.

“Bye Sophia, see you on Monday!”

I waved at her in the car, looking at it slowly going away. Sophia and Mrs. O’Callaghan were going on a trip for the weekend in Utah with Sophia’s grandparents, and they would have come back on Monday.
It was Friday afternoon and I had nothing else to do at the O’Callaghans so I told John I would have seen him on Saturday because we had a deal and I wanted to help him with the organization of his birthday party. For the whole night my mom kept asking me things about my weird relationship with John, but when she got I was nervous and I didn’t want to talk about that utopia of me and him being together, she left me in front of the TV watching ‘Easy A’ all alone. The only thing that kept me company for the night was the big box of vanilla ice cream that I finished all at once to relieve myself from that frustration I felt.

“Today is the big day”

“Mom cut it off”

“I’m just kidding sweetie! You should be happy to spend a couple of hours alone with him”

“I am, but I’m really…really…nervous”

“It’s just because you like him!”

“Oh thanks mom, I didn’t realize it until now!” she puffed and gave me a box with brownies in it “you made them for him!?”

“Well, yes. Tell him I wish him happy birthday!”

“Why don’t you go and help him so I can stay home and avoid this night?”

She started pushing me from the back and once I got out of the door she closed it without even saying goodbye. She was so weird sometimes. I got on my bike and reached for John’s house, and when he opened the door I found him just in his boxers. I suddenly blushed. He was gorgeous, and his body was perfect. I loved his chest tattoo and his belly. I felt high. That guy was a drug to my senses.

“I thought you wouldn’t have showed up”

“I gave you my word, I always keep it”

“Good to know…come in” I got in and gave him the box “wow, brownies!”

“My mom made them. She says happy birthday”

“Thank her! I love brownies” he ate one and we got into the kitchen “so, here are beers, pop corns…I bought stuff to eat and drink. Then we have to wait for the others to come, that’s it”

“So you asked me to come here at 5pm just to do this? I thought there was more”

“Hey you were the one offering help”

“You sounded like you need a lot of people to help you”

“You thought so, I just didn’t deny it. Besides, it’s my birthday and I can do whatever the fuck I want”

“You’re such a player”

He just smiled sarcastically and disappeared from the kitchen, like he always did. I puffed and looked at the stuff on the table: there were a couple of packs of chips and popcorns, then tons of beer. I put the cans in the fridge and when I closed the fridge door I saw him behind it, looking at me with that usual creepy look.

“Jeez stop doing this”

“I was wondering”

“What now?”

“You didn’t wish me happy birthday”

He was right after all. I nodded.

“Right. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude…I didn’t forget either. Happy 22nd birthday John”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, of course!”

“So you didn’t get me any present”

“Well I brought you brownies…”

“Those were your mom’s idea, not yours”

“Then I don’t have a present, I’m sorry” he stared at me with that grin on his face and I both wanted to slap him because I hated him when he acted like a player, because I always felt for it. Then the other part of me wanted to kiss those perfect pink lips that looked so soft.

“It’s ok. I’m going to get dressed. I see that you already are” he said pointing at my outfit “I like the shoes”

“Just because you have them too”

He laughed and got upstairs. I looked at his back while he was, and for a moment my mind was full of really dirty thoughts. I always imagined what was under those shorts that barely let me see what was underneath. John was so skinny that I could have counted his ribs. When he came back downstairs I needed some time to get my thoughts straight because he was breath taking. He had his black skinny jeans on and a black shirt, then his toms. All that black made his green eyes shine even more than usual.
I was about to open my mouth to say something –hopefully something not stupid- when someone knocked on the door. He went to open and a couple of guys came in. They all introduced to me but I suddenly forgot all the names: every times my eyes were on John I also forgot who I was.

A lot of people came to his party that night. They were mostly guys, and mostly band guys, thing that I appreciate a lot. I met his band mates and even thought they were all great guys, I couldn’t made a comparison to the lead singer. Apparently I got involved too much and as much as I wanted to put those feelings away, they were there, standing still. I liked John from head to toe. I liked him on the outside and on the inside. It was hard to stop thinking about him when I was all by myself.
Knowing all this didn’t help me, especially when I thought it was impossible to have something more. My crush was obvious, because it was impossible to not like John. Even if John liked me back, a potential relationship would have been a total suicide to my persona. Seeing him leaving for months, living something from distance, for me was unthinkable.

At two o’clock everybody was out. John didn’t want to see the police coming because of the noise so he sent everybody home. Fortunately the house wasn’t a mess at all, but we sure had to clean.
I started to take the empty bottles of beer from the floor but he stopped me saying I would have done everything the day after and I didn’t have to help him out. I insisted.

“John I said I wanted to help. This means that I will clean too”

“Ok, but let’s do it tomorrow. I’m tired. We can do it in the morning before mom and Soph come back”

“As you wish, birthday boy. I’m going to go home then”

“What? No way! I’m not going to let you go out in the dark alone on a Saturday night”

“John I always go back to mine when it’s late, I can do it”

“Lauren it’s past 2 am, you’re not going anywhere, end of discussion. I’m going to sleep on the couch and you can take my bed”

“I don’t have my pajama!”

“You can use one of my t-shirts”

“John I don’t want you to sleep on the couch”

“Jesus Christ, it’s not like I didn’t do that before. When I’m drunk I can’t go upstairs so I sleep here. It’s no big deal, believe me” I just sighed and nodded “come with me”.

I followed him up to his room and I felt really awkward. He threw an old t-shirt and told me to get comfortable, like it was my own bedroom. He just told me good night and closed the door behind him. Everything was so embarrassing: I had to sleep in his bed, and feel his scent on my body for the whole night, wearing his own t-shirt and knowing he was downstairs.

Useless to say, that I didn’t sleep at all.