Baby, Just Breathe.

“Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Sophia,
Happy birthday to you!”

People were singing the well known birthday song to Sophia, who was turning 9. She was her day, and we were all there for her. Even her father, who came all the way up from Australia to be with her in that special day. I thought of mine then, remembering of all the times he didn’t come to my birthday.
I wasn’t in the mood of partying that day, after the news I got from the man who claims to be my dad, who wants me to call him dad, but who never acts like one. It was hard for me to smile and sing and cheer, but I had to pretend I was all eyes for Sophia. I needed a distractions, I needed a way out.
All those voices and kids playing and screaming were making me insane. I just wasn’t in the mood for anything, and I knew that John got something was wrong.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

I looked at him, once he sat down on the stairs of the porch, next to me. Kids were playing in the garden, and I was distractingly looking after them.

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed”

“Is that just it?”

I sighed “yes John, it’s just it”

I felt his eyes on me but I couldn’t look back. I was never good at pretending I was good when I clearly wasn’t, and I guess he got that.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

“Can I?”

“Of course silly”

I then looked at him and sighed again “are you seriously that great or it’s just a way to make girls fall for you? I guess your fans think you’re an amazing guy”

“They usually tell me I am, yes”

“You’re so full of yourself” we both laughed. He got closer and put his arm around my shoulder.

“Are you sure everything’s ok? You look…sad. It’s Sophia’s birthday, you can’t be sad”

“I’m just…disappointed”

“Who disappointed you?”

I stood up and walked down the stairs, looking all over the place with crossed arms. He followed me and waited for me to answer. I was about to cry and I didn’t want him to see me crying. My dad always had this big effect on me: no matter what he said or did, he made me cry. Even if it was good news.
But with him, there were never good news.

“My dad…is getting married, again, to another woman who isn’t my mother”

I let it all out with just one breath. He sighed and took my hand.

“I’m sorry. What can I do for you?”

“I guess nothing”

“Do you want to go home? It’s totally understandable if you don’t feel to be here today. Now I know. I thought you were bored”

“I’m not bored. I’m just not in the mood”

“Lauren, go home. Do you want me to take you?”

I shook my head.

“It’s not right to leave. I gave my word I would have been here today and that’s what I’m going to do. It’s Sophia’s day, and I have to be here”

“Sophia will understand”

“I don’t want to be like my father, giving up at everything and making promises he can’t keep”

“You’re not like your father, you’re anything close to that”

“How do you know it?”

“That’s why I like you Lauren: you always keep your words. Sophia is so lucky to have someone like you to look after her” he took me from my shoulders and asked me to look at him “Lauren you’re a good girl, I know it, Sophia knows it…everybody knows it. I know that you’re hurt, I’m not taking sides but if your dad asked you to go it’s because he needs you there. You should leave it all behind. Like today it’s Sophia’s day…your dad’s wedding will be his day. I know that you are mad at him because he never calls you but you should put yourself into his shoes for once. He cares about you, maybe he’s not good at showing it but he does. I know that, for sure. I can’t even imagine him to stop caring about his amazing daughter”

I sighed and smiled. I didn’t know what to say after that speech.

“Thanks John”

“You’re welcome, you know that” I looked around and them kissed him fast on the cheek “If you need anything, just ask” I nodded “I’m going back in”

He walked back but before he got into his house I called him. He turned to me and every time that happened I felt shiver under my spine.

“Yeah?”

“Would you like to come to the wedding with me?”

He smiled wide.

“I thought you never asked” I smiled back “of course I would like to”

He got back in for good then and I looked around, with my heart beating fast. That guy was making me happy; I couldn’t think that a simple summer job could have leaded me to something like that.
I was so lucky and I knew that sooner or later that happiness would have ended. Our time together was running out. I was trying to get the best of it, but every time you have a good time with someone it’s well known, time passes way faster than usual. John could have helped me to go through my dad’s wedding, if he had come with me. He would have made me stronger.

I took my phone out of my pocket and texted my father.

“Count me in. I’ll be there at your wedding.”