Without a Doubt You're All I Dream About

Today started off like a pretty normal Wednesday. Nothing really exciting happened. I’m still buzzing about the house Josh bought us, and it was two days ago and I’m still excited! Josh said he was coming in for lunch today but he sent me a text a few minutes ago and he said he’d be late because there’s traffic. of course there’s traffic. This is California.

I kept on working during my lunch break, waiting for Josh to get here. As I heard a knock on my office door I told the person to come in as my eyes stayed glued to my laptop screen.

“What did you decide on, Mexican or Pizza?” I asked.

“Um…” A voice trailed off.

I looked up and didn’t see my Joshie’s adorable face there. Instead was a tall guy, kind of muscular, a thin face and sandy brown hair. It was someone I hadn’t seen in months….the man standing there was Austin.

I totally froze when I saw him. I couldn’t talk or move, that’s how scared I was. He must have seen the fear in my eyes because he slowly walked over to me and I tried backing away.

“Kirstie, I’m not going to hit you,” He softly said. “I just want to talk to you.”

“I…I…” I stuttered.

“Please Kirstie,” he begged.

“Why all the sudden do you show up at my office, over a year after you abused me?” I shot at him, regaining my composure and remembering everything he had done to me, physically and emotionally.

“Because I’ve changed,” Austin told me.

As I looked at him I didn’t know if I should believe him. I mean, what basis do I have to trust him?

“I’ve been going to anger management classes and I’ve worked through a lot of it. When I saw how much I hurt you that day, it really hurt me and made me realized that I didn’t want to be like that,” He told me.

“Austin,” I sighed. “Why should I trust you? You broke every bit of trust I had in you that day.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” He countered.

“I think you should just leave,” I stated.

“Kirstie, I really have been working on this. The classes really helped me!” Austin almost pleaded.

“Why are you even here?” I questioned.

“Because I feel bad about what I did and I wanted to apologize to you. My brother’s been helping me through this and it was he really thought I needed your forgiveness to move on and I agree,” He replied.

“I didn’t know you had a brother,” I spoke up curiously.

“Yeah, it’s Zak,” Austin told me.

“Zak, the Zak who works here?” I shot back as he nodded his head.

Oh my gosh, I can’t believe Zak is Austin’s brother. I don’t even know what to think.

“Kirstie, I loved you and when you said you were going to break up with me it really hurt me. I couldn’t control my anger and I hurt you.” He spoke in the softest voice I had ever heard.

“But if you loved me so much I would think you would be able to control your anger enough to not physically hit me!” I battled.

“My anger problems were really bad and I never realized it until that day because I saw the effect it had on another person….and the person I hurt was the person I loved the most,” He said.

“Well I’m glad you got help,” I sincerely told him.

“Kirstie, I still love you. You were the whole reason that I went into those classes and why I kept going back,” Austin gently said.

“I forgive you Austin… but I don’t trust you,” I sighed. Forgiveness is grace but trust is built and Austin broke that a long time ago.

“But I’m willing to do whatever it takes to gain that trust back. I do love you,” He pleaded/

“I don’t love you Austin,” I whispered/

All he did was let out a heavy sigh.

“I’m in love with someone else and…”I trailed off while holding out my left hand. I think I’m about to test out how well those anger management courses worked.

”You’re married?” He shot back as his eyes landed on my ring.

“Engaged,” I corrected “I love him. And I don’t think I could ever get back together with you anyway Austin because I don’t think I ever loved you; I don’t mean to sound harsh but that’s the truth.”

He stood there, gaping for words and he started to scare me because he looked like he was getting angry. I just hope he doesn’t act on that anger.

“Why couldn’t you just give me another chance?” He shot at me quickly. “Why couldn’t you have waited for me instead of going off and getting engaged?”

“I didn’t even know what happened to you after that day!” I replied.

“I changed all for you so that you could take me back and now you’re off with some other dude,” Austin grumbled and he started to scare me.

“Well that was your wrong assumption that I would just take you back. I have my own life,” I threw back. “I think you should leave.”

I looked like for a minute he was going to get angry but he got control of it and nodded his head, telling me he’d leave. Just at that moment, Josh walks in. When he saw Austin it took him a minute but he recognized him.

”What did you do to her?” Josh shouted while grabbing Austin’s shirt in his first.

“I didn’t do anything. I came to apologize,” Austin told Josh.

“He did, Josh. Austin was just leaving,” I spoke up.

“Look buddy, I don’t want to see you around here ever again,” Josh harshly told him while still holding his shirt.

“My brother Zak works here so I will be around. You’re just going to have to deal with that,” Austin replied.

“If you get anywhere near Kirstie, and even think about hurting her, you’re going to answer to me,” Josh told him toughly, fitting that tatted up and faux hawk look for a minute.

Josh shoved Austin out of my office before immediately coming over and enfolding me in his arms. He held me tightly up against his chest while I hugged onto his middle. I nestled my head into the crook of his neck and rested it there while he stroked my hair with one of his hands.

“Are you okay sweetheart? Did he hurt you?” Josh softly and oh so sweetly asked me.

“He didn’t hurt me,” I replied. ”He said he got help for his anger.”

“Do you believe him?” Josh questioned.

“I think so. I forgave him for what he did a while ago because I didn’t want to carry that around for the rest of my life and get bitter or anything but I still don’t trust him,” I said.

“Yeah, that’s completely understandable.”

“I’m just glad you’re here,” I happily sighed while giving him a small kiss on his neck that my head was nuzzled up too.

“And I’m not going anywhere,” He replied.

I’m so lucky to have him. He’s a really good man to me, he protects me, respects me as a woman, takes care of me, cares for me and loves me and I do the same for him, just in different ways. I love our relationship and I love the way we love each other.