Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)

It was so hard trying to sleep that night. I tossed and turned, thinking of how Adam was rejecting me like some foreign object that he casually had sex with and now carrying his child. I hated the fact that he was just hand balling me off to Tommy to look after but at the thought of Tommy, it brought joy to my heart. Everything around me calmed and somehow I knew that everything was going to be alright. Just with one thought of Tommy, my inability to sleep turned on it's head and I slept like a rock. I imagined Tommy with me in that moment, his fingers touching my skin and his playfulness the night before when he tried to take off my bra. I smiled to myself in my sleep and I slept soundly.

I woke with a content sigh, light streaming through the window. I opened my eyes slowly, watching the light pick up the dust particles. It was actually quite beautiful. I turned over in my bed and saw a body on the floor. My happiness faded when I realised it was Tommy. I practically springed off the bed to him and rolling him onto his back. I pressed my head to his chest to see if he was still breathing and when I felt his chest move, I sighed with relief. When I felt his arm slithering around me, pulling me into his chest, a playful smile crossed my lips. I slid onto his chest, on leg on either side and placed my hands upon his chest with my chin resting upon them. I saw him opening his eyes and his beautiful chocolate looking glass enveloping me. I smiled at him, trying to ignore the fact the he smelt like alcohol.

"Why didn't you join me?" I said to him as his hands placed themselves upon my arse.

"You looked so peaceful when I came in," Tommy said. "You smiled when I knelt down beside the bed but that was the last thing that I remember."

"That's because I was thinking about you," I said as I felt his hands rubbing my arse, one hand venturing up my top.

"Were you, now?" Tommy said. "I was thinking about you to. How you were handling Adam."

Well, that just soured everything. I groaned and slid off his chest and sat on the ground beside him. Why did our conversations always resort back to Adam? Was he that much of a threat that we always had to be wary of what we did because of how he might take it? I hated it. I just wanted to spend some time with Tommy without one inch of Adam appearing physically or conversationally. I was with Tommy, not with Adam. As far as I was concerned, Adam would not be apart of my life anymore. I would work with him professionally, but not emotionally. Emotionally, he was just too much to handle and ended up just palming me off to Tommy anyway. I was happy with Tommy, I could be as myself as I could get around him. What I thought was left of me, anyway. I had changed so much since I had left class early all that time ago, which reminded me. I had to speak to Charlie about me going back to uni. I would make it my mission for today, apart from the shoot and organising an appointment for a doctor to make sure that I was pregnant, although I was pretty sure that I was now.

Tommy must've seen my reaction when he said Adam's name and quickly started apologising, sitting up from his position, saying, "Let's make a pact. A pact to make sure that Adam is not mentioned in our conversations unless utterly necessary and that when we are together, it is all about us."

I smiled at him and nodded. With that, he began to crawl on top of me and pushed me against the bed. I laughed as his arms steadied himself either side of me and he paused inches from me, giving a small laugh be fore he kissed me. I didn't push him away or have any second thoughts. Adam didn't even cross my mind as his chocolate lips connected with mine. He must've realised this because his kisses became more intense and passionate. I heard him give a slight moan as he kissed me, obviously liking what he held underneath him. After a moment or two, I pulled away and kissing him lightly on the nose.

"You need to have a shower," I said. "Smell of alcohol, you do."

"So we're yoda, now?" Tommy asked as he stood and helped me up.

"I like the fact that you didn't have to ask me who I was acting like," I said as walked with him to my bathroom but he stopped me.

"I think I should take a shower in my own room," he said. "Since I don't have any clothes in here apart from the ones that I am wearing right now."

"Take this as a formal invitation for you to move in with me," I said, my heart beating at my chest at what he might say.

Tommy smiled at me, planting a warm kiss upon my lips and said, "Invitation accepted." We kissed each other for a moment before he pulled away and started heading towards the stairs. "Just let me go over to my room and have a shower in there one last time. and so I can get my stuff too."

"Did you want any help moving your stuff?" I asked him, following him to the stairs.

"If you really feel it necessary," Tommy said, motioning with his finger for me to follow him.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I lay upon Tommy's bed, having packed all his clothes into the bags that he brought them here in. I had one leg crossed over the other, fiddling with my hands. Since last night, I had thrown up once more when I got to Tommy's bedroom but it wasn't like it was a pleasant experience. I told Tommy to leave me be when it was happening but I let him help me to the bed. I was calm now and my stomach settled.

I don't know how long it would last but I was happy and calm for now. When I heard the door opening, I looked over too see Tommy coming through the door with just a towel around his waist. I smiled at the sight, my eyes going to his tattoos and admiring them. His hair was slicked back and his features beautifully clean. He moved towards me and sat on the edge of the bed, reaching for my hand as I studied his body but it just went to the tattoos again. I ran my fingers over the tattoos upon his arms, loving the markings.

"I was thinking about getting one after having the child," I said, my hand resting in his and my eyes going back to Tommy's face. "But then I got scared because of the thought of having a child. I'm not sure if I even want it."

"Don't say that, babe," Tommy said, his other hand pressing upon my stomach. "You'll have me to help you."

"I'm not sure if I like that word," I said. "Babe."

Tommy lay down on the bed beside me, saying, "Beautiful, sexy, honey, babe."

He kissed me as I laughed, slipping my hands around his neck to pull him towards me. His wet body began soaking my clothes and I said, while he was kissing me, "You're still wet! You're wetting my clothes!"

Tommy laughed and pulled from my body, pulling from the bed to find some clothes that were set out for him. He pulled his towel from his waist and dried his body. I tried not to look at his manhood, distracting myself with attempting to dry my clothes. When Tommy threw me his towel, I looked over to him and see that he was semi-dressed, his jeans hugging his thin legs.

I pulled the towel over me body, drying it as best that I could before I got up from the bed and folded the towel as I threw my short legs over the edge of the bed. I let my fingers run along his back as I went to the bathroom to put back the towel. Walking back into the room, Tommy took me into his embrace his fingers in my hair and holding me there. His chocolate brown eyes practically poured out love that I had not seen before. Especially not with Adam.

"We have a photo shoot to get to," I said as he kissed me on the forehead.

I knew that Tommy didn't want to go. He had me all to himself without any distractions. His hands slid down my back and it wasn't long before his hands were upon my skin. I couldn't give myself to him, not now, not with the baby coming, I don't think every. I had a fear of it since what Adam had done to me but I instantly pushed the thought of Adam from my mind. I promised myself, and Tommy, that I would not think of him or mention him or let him prevent me from what I loved to do. I don't understand such a person could stop someone from doing what they love, from doing anything. I felt Tommy begin to pull my top from my skin leaving me topless save for my bra. My fell to our feet, covering them. His face hovered near mine, his sweet delicious breath washing over me and his musk dulled by his freshness.

His hands went to my stomach, holding them there and feeling me breath as he said, "This baby i going to change everything."

"It's going become all of my time," I said. "With my new part in the band and the possibility of going on tour, the promotions on the shows. I don't know how I'm going to do it with a baby I have too look after."

"You will have all the support int he world to help you look after this baby," Tommy said, his hands going to the edge of my shorts and pulled at them.

"I'm just scared," I said, feeling my breath being caught in my throat.

"And I don't blame you for it," Tommy said, kissing me upon my neck and on my bare chest.

"I can't do this right now," I said to Tommy, pulling away from him and picking up my top. "I have too many things to worry about right now and a photo shoot we both have to get too." I walked across the room, picking up a few bags as I walked turning at the door to look at Tommy. "Are you coming, or what?"