We Can't Forget Last Summer

Everything was dry.

Nothing interested me anymore. Rod would sneak me out every Friday and Saturday night taking me to constant, exciting clubs or concert venues. Either way, the lights and people passed by me almost as quickly as the drinks I inhaled. No one left a lasting impression- not even the guys I fooled around with. I wasn't even scared of what would happen if Marcus found out. I didn't care about Rod's disapproving glances. I simply woke up, ate, went to work, came home, ate, and snuck out for a night of robotic partying.

There were too many drinks and too many guys to phase me. A month passed since John's unannounced visit, and life couldn't be much more duller. I've lost my faith and given up. There was no point anymore. I hated thinking about John. I hated thinking about The Maine. I hated thinking about Aunt Sara. I hated thinking about Taylor. I hated thinking about Tempe. And most of all, I hated thinking about last summer in general.

It was mid-winter now; a harsh one at that. Work was crazy, but I sat on the outskirts of the office making copies and taking care of people's schedules. Everything was day by day and at this point I was mainly waiting for Marcus to get down on one knee and commit me to what I had been dreading for a long time.

"Mmm," Marcus hummed as he pressed his lips to my neck. It used to bother me, but now it's sort of something I'm used to. I'm no longer disgusted- I simply ignore it.

I let out a light breath as I laid there, allowing him to do really anything. He toppled over me, pinning my arms to the bed and grinning at me. I looked at him with tired, gloomy eyes as parted my lips as his crashed down onto mine.

There was no heat or passion or love. He was full of lust and I was full of exhaust.

His hands gripped onto my panties and slid them down to my ankles. I quickly froze up."Marcus," I mumbled under his lips as they yet again attacked me.

"C'mon babe. You haven't put out yet and you're just so fucking ....hot. I just wanna-"

I pushed him off me and sat up straight. "No," I snapped, anger, my only familiar emotion floating back to me.

He gently touched my cheek and brushed a stray hair behind my ear. "Don't worry. I'll take care of you. I'll be easy."

To my surprise, tears, another thing I hadn't experienced in a while filled my eyes. I shook my head. "No. Please don't."

"It's okay." He set me back down on my back. "You don't have to be afraid."

"Stop," I cried, but my voice was cracking and he could barely hear me as he reached into his pocket for a condom. He slowly spread my legs apart as was ready to go until I kicked him in the chest and jumped up from the bed, wiping my eyes.

"You're sick!"

I grabbed my clothes off the floor and rushed out of my room. I ran downstairs, picking up my boots off the floor and taking my coat from the closet. I didn't even care that I looked like shit. I was so done with everything.

I burst through the front door, somehow grabbing my keys in the process. Tears were running down my cheeks and I could barely keep myself together as I stepped into my car. As I pulled out of my driveway, I sobbed some more, making unknown noises and cries.

I shouldn't have been driving. I wasn't in any condition to. Either way, I managed to get to Rod's apartment in one piece. I sat in the car and cried some more before composing myself and getting out.

It had occurred to me how I've changed so much. I went from this huge, hard-ass bitch to a sensitive, loving person. Then, I slowly went down hill back to my bitch self and now, well now I was just a mess. I was more fucked up now then I had ever been. I was so weak and an idiot. I lost everything it seemed. I had given up not only on the people I cared about, but on myself. And to be honest, that's what hurts the most.

I sucked it up though as I walked to Rod's apartment and knocked on the front door. I knew he wouldn't be home, but his roommate Jacob would. Naturally, Jacob answered the door with a wide smile. He was wearing a suit.

"Hi Carson."

I sniffled lightly and pushed out a smile. "Hi Jake. I know Rod's at work, but I was wondering if I could crash here for a couple hours."

He shrugged and offered me a cheerful smile. "Sure thing! I'm just about to go for a job interview, so you'll have the place to yourself."

I sucked in a breath as I walked into the apartment. "Thank you so much."

"No problem at all. I'll see you later, Carson." He grabbed a briefcase off to the side and started to walk out of the apartment.

"Good luck."

"Thanks!" He called before closing the door, leaving me in solitude.

I looked around the messy apartment, my eyes stinging once again. The old me wouldn't let this girl even exist. The old me would slap her across the face.

But I let go of the old me awhile go and I really don't think she's coming back at this point.

I sat on the living area's couch and noticed Rod's laptop on the coffee table. Bored, I turned it on off of hibernate mode and waited until it turned back on. Within seconds, it did so and a familiar face flashed across the screen.

A paused video with John was on the screen. My eyes widened and a knot grew in my throat. God. I can't even look at a picture of him.

I thought long and hard about playing the video and then I thought long and hard about why Rod would be watching this. Either way, curiosity got the best of me and I clicked play.

"There is a rumor going around that the new single was inspired by a relationship of yours?"

John sucked in a breath and placed his hands in his lap, tightening their grip on each other. He nodded his head carefully and I could tell he was thinking of the words in his head. I remember he used to do that when we would talk. He was very cautious about what was to come out of his mouth.

I was too busy staring at him to even hear the question. When I replayed it, my own hands fell into my lap and I swallowed the knot in my throat.

"Yeah..... it was," He pursed his lips and then let out a breath. "a summer romance, actually."

The interviewer chuckled lightly. "Ah, they're the worst, aren't they?"

John eyed the man carefully. "Afterwards, yes. Hell yes once it's over." He glanced down at the floor, leaving me hanging on his every word. "During, though, it's the greatest."

"You got that right. So this girl- she broke your heart?"

His words stabbed me in the gut, causing me to cry out slightly. I watched as John's eye twinkled under the lights in the dark room in which they sat. He wasn't looking at the camera or at the interviewer or really anywhere in particular. It made me blush at the thought that he was just thinking about me-whether it be good or bad.

"We both did- I think."

"A mutual agreement?"

Couldn't this fucker see he didn't want to talk about it?

"No, no, but well she was the one who initiated it, but it was for a good cause. That's the thing with summer romances-they end. She was so smart and had so much potential. She had to move onto bigger and better things and it took me awhile to understand that. I know she's out there now being successful and making something of her life and that's what allows me to sleep at night. If she wasn't happy or wasn't in a place where she felt she had to be, I don't think I'd be able to talk about her right now. I think I'd be miserable if I knew she was."

"So you still care about this girl?"

He didn't hesitate-it was as if he knew the next question before it was asked. "I don't think I ever won't. She was the first girl who broke through to me. She saw a side to me that other girls hadn't seen. We had to go separate ways-that's life. As much as it completely sucks," he let out a dry life, "it's life."

I paused the video and shut the laptop quickly, eyes wide and stinging. I laid down on the couch, wishing I hadn't watched the video. It replayed in my head over and over again. Fuck.

I needed to get out of this.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I was alone.

Sitting on Sara's front lawn, staring out at the empty, quiet road in front of me. My eyes were glued to it; almost tired because of it. I looked around me, but the world seemed vacant.

Suddenly, he was next to me, his hand on top of mine radiating heat. I swallowed the lump in my throat and glanced over at him, sucking in a deep breath. I met his green eyes with fright, yet they ignited the blood in my veins, causing it to coarse with a heavier pace.

"I miss you." I muttered.

He bit his lower lip and looked down at where our hands touched. He simply shook his head at me and as his eyes wandered away from mine, I once again felt empty on the inside.

"Do you miss me?" I asked, my body locked in it's own place- unable to move.

He shook his head yet again.

"Why?" My voice cracked.

He shrugged and then stood up, towering over me. "How can I when you're happy?"

He walked away from me and I shouted as he did so. I stood up in my spot, feeling so weak and fragile.

"I'm not though!" I called, "I'm not happy!"

He didn't turn around though; just faded into the distance.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My eyes fluttered open as weight fell onto the couch near my feet. I sat up abruptly, my neck aching due to the way it was placed.

"Ah, you're awake," Rod hummed. "Tea?" He held out a mug that was steaming from the top.

I sniffled lightly and gladly accepted the mug from him. "Thanks."

I took a sip, burnt my tongue, then groaned. "Shit that's hot."

"Yeah... sorry I didn't warn ya." He gave me his crooked smile. "So, what are you doing here?"

I sucked in a breath and took another sip. "Fight with Marcus. Nothing out of the usual."

"Hm, really then? Normally when you get in fights with him, you're not the one to run away. What's up?"

Any lie from me couldn't get by him. I exhaled heavily and placed my head on his shoulder. "He sorta pushed me into having..."

Rod stood up quickly, groaning and shaking his head. He looked at me with his eyes wide and eyebrows raised. "Are you kidding me? That fucker! I'll show him-"

Rod rushed to the door, grabbing his sweatshirt off the back of the couch. I ran after him, grabbing him by the arm. "Please stop."

"No way, Carson! He raped you!"

"It didn't happen though! I yelled at him and ran away. It's fine."

"It is not fine! Are you crazy? I'm going."

I stood in front of him. "I swear to fucking god Rod."

"It has to understand his boundaries."

"He's my boyfriend though!"

Rod ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "But why?" He let out a breath and rolled his eyes. "Well, I guess that's an argument for another time. The point is, it doesn't matter if he is your boyfriend. No means no, right?"

My shoulders fell, "Right, but-"

"There is no but!"

With that, I slapped Rod across the face, grabbed his cheeks and pulled him into me. My lips crashed onto his with anger and force, causing him to back up several steps. I backed him up the the couch, not allowing his lips to come off mine. We both fell onto it, me crawling on top of Rod as his lips relaxed and formed to kiss me back.

I ran my hands through his hair, before allowing them to slide down and move up his shirt, feeling his warm chest. I pulled away abruptly.

"See that?!" I shouted as Rod panted heavily, his eyes wide with confusion and shock.

"I'm a fucking tease. I can't just make out with people- including your brother and have them not expect me to give them more. It's what I do and I knew sooner or later he was going to expect something else."

Rod inhaled sharply and sat up. "Jesus Christ you scared the shit out of me."

I looked forward and shook my head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Rod shrugged. "I get it- you were making your point. Plus, we've both made out before when were drunk. No big deal."

We were silent for a couple minutes before I asked, "Why were you watching that interview with John?"

"Ah fuck, Carson. You saw that?"

I nodded my head grimly.

He shrugged. "I mean, I'm sort of a fan of their music now. I was just looking through some interviews and I stumbled upon that particular one."

"It's about me."

"I figured."

Silence over took us once again, causing my stomach to churn.

"I can't live like this anymore, Rod. I can't do it. I'm miserable."

Rod turned to me, grabbing my hands and holding them tightly. "I know you are, and I'm sorry I've been no help, but you can get through this- I know you can."

I shook my head, licking my lips. "No I can't. I can't overcome this while living somewhere I hate. I thought coming here was going to change my life and make it for the better, you know? I was going to get a career and move on, but I'm just..... sad all the fucking time."

I looked at him with wide eyes full of disbelief.

"I made a horrible mistake."

Rod looked at me, concern evident in his expression. He took in a sharp breath, looking me in the eyes. I could feel his grip on my hands grow tighter. "What are you getting at here?"

I sniffled once more and my stomach twisted as the words fell from my mouth.

"I'm going back to Arizona."