Some Say This Can't Be Real.

Shuffling was heard after I rang the doorbell, and then the door opened, a girl standing there. I blinked for a moment thinking that Valary had dyed her hair until I realized it was her twin sister. I had only talked to Michelle a few times, but I hardly ever saw her around.

“Hey, Michelle, is Val around?”

“Yeah.” She pushed open the screen door, letting me in. “Val! Johnny’s sister is here for you!” She called out before turning to me. “I apologize, I totally blanked on your name.” She hid her face in embarrassment.

I just laughed. “I know, we don’t talk that much. It’s Lisa.”

She nodded in acknowledgement before leading me to the kitchen. “She’s upstairs with Leana, and Matt left with Zacky, I think to your guys’ place.”

My eyes widened a bit. “Lea’s here?”

“Yeah. She’s been such a wreck obviously, but we’re slowly trying to get her out of it. You wanna go say hi?”

I nodded before following Michelle upstairs. Valary’s comforting voice drifted through the hallway, followed by a quieter, saddened voice. Michelle stopped outside the door, slowly poking her head in before talking.

“Lisa’s here, she wanted to say hi to Lea.”

No voices followed as Michelle pushed the door all the way open. Val and Leana were sitting on the bed, and when I saw Lea, I felt horrible. She looked terrible, like she hadn’t slept nor been outside in ages. The adorable girl I knew looked like she’d aged ten years over the course of the last three.

“Johnny’s sister right?” she asked quietly.

I nodded, joining them on the bed and giving Leana a hug. “I can’t really ask how you’ve been, because you’ve obviously been better.”

“Yeah,” she said, barely above a whisper.

“I’m so sorry about everything,” I said as I still hugged her.

“Thanks. It hurts, but I’m slowly getting over it. I have these two and the guys to thank for it.”

“That’s good.”

She nodded before changing the subject, suddenly realizing that I was actually here. “So where have you been? I remember when you disappeared, Jimmy was torn up about it.”

I hung my head. “Yeah, complications. I came back right after I heard the news. Long story short, the complication was resolved and things are better. That’s why I came to see Val today.”

“Well I’m just everyone’s spiritual advisor today aren’t I?” Valary spoke up with a laugh. “Which reminds me, Johnny was sending text messages around asking about you.”

“About that. I was with Brian, and ended up crashing at his place. It’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” I said, watching Michelle and Leana walk out of the room.

“He didn’t do it again did he?”

“No, no. It was a relaxed night. Nothing happened, except that he kissed me this morning…” I trailed off for a moment, but she didn’t respond. “I’m so torn right now between him and Zacky. I’ve told both of them that I wanted everyone to be over Jimmy first, so emotions don’t take the best of us all, but it’s hard.”

“Who do you see yourself ultimately with? If in fact you wanted to date one of them.”

“Zacky has liked me since I met him, and I’ve liked him too. Brian is such a smooth talker though, so confident, and he’s slowly reeling me in. His confidence is overwhelming almost. I’m just afraid that they’re both gonna end up fighting over me.”

She shook her head. “No, I know that Johnny and Matt wouldn’t let that happen.”

“It’s starting to fuck with me though. I hate making it sound like a lame soap opera, but I just know that Zacky is intimidated by Brian. I’ve noticed it for a while.”

“Okay, you didn’t answer my question though.”

“I did,” I said with a chuckle. “Zacky is the one I can see myself with. I know how he is towards me, and it’s been the same way forever.”

“Well, you have a point with wanting to wait till we’re not as emotional over Jimmy anymore, and the one that’s not pressuring you would be the wiser choice.”

I nodded. “No pressure from Zack, but I feel it from Brian, especially when he kissed me this morning. I can’t even deny that I enjoyed it, because I did.”

“Well, just be patient with everybody. Don’t go on anymore ‘dates’ with them, because it’ll start leading them on, and one of them will end up hurt when you do decide. At least until you make your decision.”

I nodded, taking in her advice. “How do you know so much?” I asked, laughing.

“I’ve known these guys for how long now? That’s why.” She laughed as well.

“Very true.”

“Come on, the guys are having a guy day, so let’s have a girl day and try and cheer up Lea.”

“Do you mind if I maybe went home and showered first? I was a little drunk last night and still feel a little blah.”

“You can shower here, I’m sure I have something you can wear.”

After accepting the offer, I showered, put my own jeans back on before finding one of Valary’s shirts to wear. Once I was ready, I joined them downstairs. The four of us headed downtown and walked around in conversation. While window shopping, we talked about anything and everything happy. Once we got a smile out of Leana, she seemed to appear younger again. I knew she was hurting badly, and I wished that I could help her. After a few hours of walking around, we stopped for an early dinner then decided to go to the pier. While walking down the pier to watch the sunset, we ran into the guys, sans Brian. I noticed Zack giving me a weird, questioning look. They didn’t question where I had been, instead we all just watched the sunset from the pier. I glanced and saw Matt holding onto Val from behind, his head resting on her shoulder. Johnny, Michelle, and Leana were in their own world together, and Zacky wasn’t even paying attention to the color changing sky. He was typing a text message on his phone, and closed it up upon finishing, then staring at the ground. I sighed and started to go off in my own world until my phone began to vibrate. After fishing it from my pocket, I discovered the text from Zack.

Johnny was asking about where you were at last night. Did you spend the night with Brian? He didn’t do anything did he?

I glanced over at him, but he didn’t look at me. With a small sigh, I replied.

We started drinking after dinner at his place, then we just fell asleep. Nothing happened…except that he kissed me this morning…but it meant nothing.

I waited for him to move in my peripheral vision, and when he did, I glanced over to see his reaction. No reaction at all as he was typing. I stared back over the water until my phone went off again and I read the message.

He’s reeling you in, isn’t he?

Another low sigh escaped through my lips as I thought of a reply. I didn’t want to be a bitch about the situation, but I was starting to get annoyed.

Don’t act so damn jealous, because it seriously meant nothing. I told you that I’m not ready to date anyone. He is a smooth talker, yes, but he’s not reeling me in. It was partly a lie, but I didn’t want any trouble to start.

Another glance in his direction, and still no obvious physical reaction from him. I felt bad as I watched him. The look of hurt was on his face, but I just knew that inside it was killing him that Brian was slowly reeling me in. He looked up, meeting my eyes for a moment before quickly turning away. I knew at that moment that he was hurting inside because he still had strong feelings for me. I looked away from him and to my phone again.

He’s still my best friend, but he’s also a scumbag for what he did to you. You don’t deserve it.

I glanced in his direction and saw him walking away. With no words to the others, I took off after him. “Zacky, wait!” I called to him.

“What?” he asked in a slight harsh tone, still walking away.

The tone of his voice stopped me in my tracks for a moment. “Will you fucking stop and listen to me?”

“Just come with me,” he said a little bit softer.

I followed him for a few minutes in silence, off the pier, and down towards the sand. He walked under the pier, where the now set sun stopped the light from filtering in. He finally stopped in a spot that was beginning to be blanketed in darkness.

“I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I shouldn’t have said it.”

“Like I said, it’s up to you in the end, I just don’t like the fact that you’re falling for him being overly confident. I’m not trying to say that he’s going to just use you for sex again, but he doesn’t deserve you after what he put you through.”

“You think I hadn’t thought about that? Of course I spent the night with him last night, but it doesn’t mean anything. I woke up in his bed, but it wasn’t voluntary-” I trailed off as his expression turned angry, instantly regretting what I said.

“You passed out and woke up in his bed!?” Zack raised his voice slightly.

“Just listen to me! Nothing happened. I felt the same, I still had my clothes on. Now listen to where I’m going with this. Yeah, I woke up in his bed without getting there voluntarily. What did I do the other night? I came to you under my own free will, and that was probably the best sleep I ever got.”

“He fucking kissed you though.”

I closed the gap between us, standing about a foot away from him. “Listen to me, it didn’t mean anything.”

“If it doesn’t mean anything, then why haven’t you said yes to me yet?” He had me with the question, raising a great point. “You said you’re figuring it out with him, you also said that him kissing you meant nothing. You said that him being so confident has no affect on you. If that’s all true, then why are you hesitating?”

He was mentally backing me into a corner, and I tried to figure out what to say. “I want everyone to be over Jimmy first before anything. Like I’ve been saying, we’re going through emotional times, and we don’t want anything to happen that we may regret.”

“I understand that, but you know I’ve felt this way about you before you even left. That’s what I don’t understand.”

I bit my lip, trying to think about how to respond. A few tears began to form around my eyes. “It’s just hard right now. I disappeared for three years, and all of a sudden came back during an emotional time.”

He sighed. “So? What does that have to do with anything?”

“I guess it’s a girl thing.”

“What? How?”

“Well I’m not used to having attention like this, first of all. I don’t want people fighting over me.”

“That has nothing to do with being a girl.”

“You guys can just fucking blow everything off. I can’t, and Valary can agree with me. When emotions run wild like this, things can happen that we can regret. I‘ve seen it happen many times before.”

He sighed again, meeting my eyes. “Of course we’re emotional over Jimmy, but this has no affect on how I feel about you. Brian kissed you, after you said you just wanted to stay friends. He’s pushing himself onto you, and I want to protect you in case he does try something again.”

“Does it really bother you that he kissed me?” His lack of a response was enough of an answer to me. “It really did mean nothing.”

“Still, he did it without your approval. At least I’m waiting…” he trailed off, returning his gaze to the sand below our feet.

Darkness was swallowing us, but I could still see him clearly. I was upset with myself for making him feel horrible. I was trying to think of something to say, or even something to do to make him feel better. Something other than just an apology.

“Zacky?” I softly called for his attention, closing the gap more.

As soon as his eyes met mine, I grabbed his shirt collar, pulling on it as I leaned in and crashed my lips to his.