Some Say This Can't Be Real.

“Brian, what the fuck are you doing?” Someone shouted.

Both of us turned and saw Zack coming towards us. Brian immediately let go of my arm, but those green eyes still saw.

“We were talking,” Brian said.

“Bullshit. She asked you to leave her alone, so leave her alone.” He stood in front of me protectively.

“Whatever. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.” Brian stormed off.

Zack turned to me as I rubbed my arm. “What was he trying to do?”

“Trying to get me to go to his place with him.”

“You know, we can’t really talk to him until we know the truth.”

I shook my head and headed back for the door. “It’s nothing.”

Zack sighed behind me. “Okay then. You wanna go in or go back home?” I hesitated from going back inside. With another sigh, I sat on a curb. Zack sat next to me. “You know you can trust us.”

“I know. It’s just hard to think about. I repressed the memory after I ran away. Well I tried to repress it. I’d have nightmares every night, I’d have anxiety attacks during the day. I’ve been on fucking prescriptions after only being in Chicago for a month.”

“We’re about to start demanding you tell us, but that’s Johnny’s position to do first. The idea of what happened is starting to float around though.”

“I’m sure you guys do have the right idea. I just…I need a walk alone.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Go back and have fun with the guys. I need some time to think.”

“Alright.” He gave me a side hug. “I’m here if you need anything.”

I nodded as he headed back inside. I pulled out my phone, scrolled to the number I needed and dialed.

“Hey you,” Valary answered.

“Hey, Val. What’s up?”

“Nothing. Been wondering when you were going to call.”

“I am now. Where you at?”

“Home. Why?” She sounded confused.

“I’m at Johnny’s Bar. Can I come over?”

“Of course you can!” she said excitedly. “Do you need a ride?”

“I’ve been drinking, so if you don’t mind.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

We hung up, and I sat down waiting. It seemed like it took forever, but I saw someone pull up. Valary smiled as she ran up and hugged me before we got into her car. It was a silent ride to her house, and when we walked in, she went to make some coffee as I sat at the table.

“So how are you?” she asked.

“Been better.”

“Yeah? I think all of us have been.”

“Yeah, agreed. I wanted to talk to you.”

“What about?”

“Brian. I probably should be talking to Johnny first about it, but I feel more comfortable telling you.”

She set two cups of coffee on the table before sitting across from me. “What is it?”

I sighed, taking a drink from the cup. “The reason I left. I couldn’t face him or anybody anymore. A few times he would come into my room drunk, telling me about how he liked me when I would pretend to be asleep. It went too far one night. It was the night I left. I tried to get him to agree to talk when he was sober, but he wouldn’t listen…” I trailed off, my voice shaking.

She already had a feeling though. “Did he?”

Ashamed, I looked down into my coffee. “Valary, he raped me.”

She gasped lightly. “I had a feeling. Honey, you need to tell the guys about it so they can all talk to him and get this settled.”

I was crying by now. “I can’t. It’s embarrassing to talk about. I just don’t want to tell anyone. That’s not even the whole story either, but that part doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Wait a second, what’s the other part? Did you end up pregnant?”

I nodded slowly. “I had a miscarriage before I even knew. Once the anxiety and nightmares started, I went on meds. The meds caused me to have the miscarriage.”

She was shocked, and also angry. “If I called the guys to come over here, would you tell them?”

“No.”

“Lisa, you need to tell them.” She stood up and grabbed her phone, quickly calling someone. “Baby, can you come home? And at least bring Johnny with too. Yeah she’s here, we need to talk.”

I sighed while listening to her. Regret fell upon me and I wished I hadn’t told her, but I did feel better. I rested my head on the table, still ashamed. Silence passed the time until the guys showed up.

“What’s going on?” Matt whispered to Valary.

I sniffled as someone sat next to me, placing a comforting hand on my back. “Lis?” Johnny’s voice asked.

“Lisa, tell them,” Val ordered.

I bounced my head against the table with a sigh. “Fine.” I looked up, seeing Matt and Zack looking at me. Johnny sat next to me with his hand still on my back. “It’s about Brian. The night I left, he came over drunk, and as I tried getting him to leave my room, he wouldn’t.”

“That mother fucker,” Matt said under his breath. “Did he fucking…mother fucker.” He was ranting now.

Zack was trying to calm him down while I turned and cried on Johnny’s shoulder. Valary urged me to tell them the rest of it.

“Wait, what? There’s more to the fact that he fucked you after you said no?” Johnny asked, not wanting to say the word.

“That part isn’t important. When I started on my meds, I had a miscarriage,” I said, getting a gasp from the three guys. Ashamed, I buried my face in Johnny’s chest, crying.

“We’ll talk to him and set this straight,” Johnny said in my ear.

“Just don’t be mad at him.”

“Don’t be…that fucker raped you!” Matt shouted.

“Yeah, but he’s also your best fucking friend!” I shouted back.

Valary took her husband by the arm and led him out of the kitchen to calm him down. Zack sat on the other side of me. “We’ll talk to him and we’ll get this whole situation better.”

“Do whatever,” I said. “I just wanna go home right now.”

“Zacky, take her home please?” Johnny asked with a tone. A tone I knew all too well. I almost felt sorry for Brian. Almost.