We've Got More Than We Know

So now Mason’s born and he’s oh so cute! I’m so glad Tanner is being supportive and he’s here. I was nervous there for a while that he wouldn’t be here when Mason was born.

Emma is getting so big now though. She’s almost year and a half old and is starting to talk more and more. She’s got a few words and a couple phrases down now. I love hearing her talk in her little mumbled way. Emma is such a funny little girl too, she cracks me up!

I have a little problem though. Josh has been gone more and more. Not only physically but emotionally and mentally. He’s been training a lot this year and so he’s usually gone the whole day and for the races on the weekends which Emma and I got to sometimes but we can’t go to every single one. As much as I don’t like it, I understand that he has to be gone for training and races but what ticks me off is that when he is home he’s usually on his phone or he texts during our conversations. He just doesn’t listen.

“bye sweetie. I’ll be home in a week,” I heard Josh say to Emma, breaking me out of my reverie.

“Dada, no bye bye,” She cried while holding onto him.

“Don’t cry Emma. I’ll be home soon,” He tried to comfort her but she just threw her arms around his neck and held him tightly. “I love you.”

“Wuv you,” Emma replied while Josh wiped away her tears.

He held Emma on his hip while he came over to me. Josh put his arm around my waist and pulled me up against him.

“I’m going to miss you so much,” I told him with my own eyes glossy.

“I’m going to miss you too sweetheart,” He replied while holding onto me.

“I don’t understand why you have to go to Florida to train,” I pouted.

“That’s where Honda’s main trainer is and he wants to meet with Trey Canard and I,” Josh explained.

“Well he should come here so you don’t have to leave,” I went on.

“I know, I wish I didn’t have to go but I do,” He said.

Emma let out a little whimper before holding onto Josh and burying her face in his chest. She’s such a daddy’s girl.

“I have to go,” Josh spoke after a few minutes.

I held Emma in my arms as he went over and got his suitcase. I walked him to the door and he sent us a weak smile before opening the door. I wouldn’t get to see my husband for an entire week and with him not being around very much it makes it even worse.

“Bye,” Josh said before hugging each of us and giving us a big kiss.

“No, Dada!” Emma bawled while latching onto him.

“I’m sorry baby,” He apologized with his own eyes filling with tears. “I love you Emma.”

I had to hold her tightly but she still tried wiggling out of my arms to get to Josh. He sent us a wave and blew us a kiss before getting into car and driving away.

I shut the door and held Emma tightly as she snuggled her head into the crook of my neck and cried and cried and cried. I sat down on the couch and tried to comfort her while rubbing her back. Emma loves Josh so much and so do I. It’s so hard to have him leave for a whole week.

I have been frustrated with our communication lately though. He’s just always doing something else when I’m trying to talk to him. He’s either interrupted by a phone call, texting, thinking of something else, or just not paying attention. It ticks me off too.

So now that Josh is always gone, Kylee’s busy with Mason, Uncle Toby is off doing his musician thing, and my dad is still trying to change himself and going to classes to help his mental state. I feel like I’m alone right now. I’m so glad I have Emma, she’s always here to make me smile.

“Dada,” Emma whimpered while rubbing her caramel eyes that looked just like Josh’s.

“He’ll be back soon sweetie,” I cooed, trying to comfort her while I kissed her forehead.

“Wuv you Mama,” She softly said while giving me a wet kiss on the cheek.

“I love you too Emma,” I smiled while hugging my daughter.

That night I tried calling Josh. He told me he was in his hotel room and I got to talk to him for about three minutes before he said his manager was trying to call him so he had to go. See what I mean?

I’m just tired of feeling like I take a backseat to everything! Josh and I had a conversation a while ago about him being here more and yet nothing happened. It just annoys me, I don’t understand why he does this.

After Josh hung up I dropped the phone to the floor, making Emma look away from the toys she was playing with and up at me.

“Sorry baby,” I apologized.

The doorbell then rang and Emma’s head whipped toward the door and she said, “Dada?”

“It’s not Dada, Emma,” I sighed.

I picked up Josh and my daughter and took her to the front door as I opened it. I smiled when I saw Keegan standing at my door.

“Emma, it’s Keegan,” I grinned. Emma loves Keegan, it’s so cute! Who would think that a 21 year old would be so good with kids too!

“Keegwan!” Emma squealed in a slurred way while reaching out for him.

Keegan let out a laugh before taking her in his arms and kissing her.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by and see you guys,” He smiled while giving Emma a little tickle.

“Well that’s sweet. Come on in; Josh is in Florida for the week so…” I trailed off.

“Aw, maybe I’ll have to stay a little longer then since Emma won’t have anyone to play with while you’re at work,” Keegan grinned.

“I’m actually only working in the office two days a week and I work at home the rest of the days,” I told him as we walked into the living room.

“Well I’d still love to hang out with you and Emma. I don’t get to see you as much as I’d like,” He sweetly said. I’m actually kind of happy that Keegan is here, it’s nice to have someone who wants to be here.