We've Got More Than We Know

When I woke up in the morning I found that I was snuggled up to Keegan and his arms were securely around me. My head was laying on his chest and I was so warm and comfortable. I hated that I liked this so much but… Keegan was here and he was comforting me.

“Hey,” I heard his voice say.

“Hi,” I smiled up at him. “I guess we fell asleep on the couch, huh?”

“I guess so,” he smiled.

“Mama!” I heard my little girl yell as she came down the stairs.

“Emma,” I shouted back, just as excited as she was. I hopped up from Keegans arm before she came all the way down the stairs and saw a man who wasn’t her dad holding her mom.

I greeted her with a big hug before she wobbled over to Keegan. He picked her up and bounced her on his knee.

“Hey you little cutie,” he smiled while poking her tummy, this sounded just like something Josh would say.

“Keegie no,” She giggled while pushing his hand away.

“Keegie yes,” He replied while poking her again.

She then started trying to tickle him which was pretty cute but Keegan of course had to turn this on me.

“I heard your mommy is pretty ticklish,” He whispered to Emma.

She let out a squeal before Keegan came over and tossed me onto the couch and the two started tickling me like crazy.

“Stop!” I screamed in between laughs. “You’re going to make me pee my pants!”

“I don’t think we want that,” Keegan laughed.

The three of us played together for a while until she started playing with some of her blocks. I got up and went into the kitchen while dialing Josh’s number.

”Hey it’s Josh Grant. Sorry I couldn’t get your call-“ I heard the beginning of his voicemail but hung up.

I let a few tears fall along with my cell phone onto the counter. I put my head in my hands and leaned against the wall. A minute later I felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

“Are you okay?” Keegan asked.

I didn’t say anything. I hugged onto him and buried my face into his chest as he softly rubbed my back and whispered encouraging words.

“What’s going on?” He gently asked.

“Josh didn’t answer again. We just haven’t been doing too well because of this whole communication thing because he’s never around,” I cried.

“Well if he really loved you he’d be here taking care of you and Emma,” Keegan spoke up.

I just sniffled.

“He shouldn’t just leave. He should be here fixing this but he’s making it worse,” He went on.

I looked up at Keegan and he stared back into my dark brown eyes. Something happened in that moment. All my tears stopped and it felt like this stare was more than just looking at me.

Soon enough he brought his hand up to cup my cheek and his thumb gently caressed it. He wiped away all the remnants of tears as he sent me a weak smile. Before I knew it he was inching closer to me. I closed my eyes as he pressed his lips to mine.

I hate to say this but… I enjoyed that kiss. It wasn’t anywhere near what I feel like when I kiss Josh but this kiss was comfort. It told me someone cared about me. I ran my fingers through his thick luscious locks as he deepened our kiss. But soon enough we pulled away from each other.

“Kirstie,” Keegan sighed. “You are such a special girl. You’ve always had a special place in my heart. I’ve never met anyone as unique and unforgettable as you.”

He looked down at me before trying to press his lips to mine again. They connected for a moment before I heard: “Mama, come play!”

It was then that the realization of everything hit me like a brick wall. I immediately pushed myself away from Keegan and stood there taking in big gulps of air.

I just kissed Keegan. I kissed another man who wasn’t my husband! I know Josh and I are having a problem right now and he’s not around much but it was still so wrong! I felt like curling up on the floor and dying.

“I’m sorry Keegan,” I pushed out while running a hand through my hair.

“Don’t be sorry,” He said while reaching out for my hand.

”WE JUST KISSED KEEGAN! I’M MARRIED!” I shouted. “How could I do this to Josh? I love him,” I questioned to myself.

I’ve just been so emotionally unstable and I wanted comfort so badly and now it escalated to this? How did this happen?

I was literally trembling from my tears at this point. I couldn’t believe I could do such a horrible thing. I love Josh and I hope he still loves me.

I ran upstairs and went into Josh and my bedroom. I really hope Emma didn’t see me, I don’t want her to be more upset. She’s already upset enough about Josh not being here all week, she doesn’t need this.

I laid on our bed and cried. All I could think about was Josh and how I wished none of this with Keegan had ever happened. All I wanted was for Josh to be here holding me and Emma; paying attention to only us, not on his phone or his mind being elsewhere. Just with us.

I wanted to talk to someone. I wanted someone here with me. I obviously wasn’t going to ask Keegan or upset Emma even more. I tried calling Josh but he didn’t answer big shock. So I called my bestie. Hopefully she can come and make me feel better, even though I feel sick to my stomach about what just happened.