We've Got More Than We Know

I feel flat out horrible today. I can’t count how many times I’ve had to shoot to the bathroom this morning to release the contents of my stomach. I was so over this. I wanted to go home, but I’m so backed up on work right now. With Kirstie still on her maternity leave, I get my usual work plus about half of hers. It doesn’t work too well when I don’t feel well!

Zak came into my office a few minutes before lunch. Yes, we stayed friends. We work together. It’s not like we can hold grudges over something like what we went through. He’s been my lunch buddy since Kirstie’s not here.

“I don’t know if I can stomach lunch,” I sighed once he walked in.

“You still don’t feel good? You’ve been throwing up for the past three days. Think it’s time to go to the doctor?” he asked while leaning against my desk.

“I hate doctors,” I muttered.

“Wasn’t your boyfriend going to be one?” he smirked.

“Shut up, Zak,” I shot at him, making him chuckle.

“Come on, lets give lunch a try,” he went on.

I slowly pulled myself to my feet and followed him down to the lunchroom. Nothing looked appetizing at all… but I was so hungry. I chowed down on my lunch… and still wanted more. But I let it go and sipped on my Rockstar that tasted... not like it usually does. It’s my favorite too! I always drink the lemonade! Why am I so off these past few days?

“Maybe you should just go home,” Zak suggest towards the end of lunch.

“I have so much to do though,” I sighed while running a hand through my hair.

“Are you actually doing it though or are you just sitting there hating that you feel like crap and you have all of this stuff to do?” he asked with a knowing look on his face.

I just sighed again and then… told myself I should go home. I don’t really feel sick anymore, but I’m so tired. I got a full night of sleep last night too! I have a tolerance for caffeine now. I can’t be crashing off of one can.

Either way, I tracked John down after lunch and told him I wasn’t feeling well and he told me to go home. So, I did… and then went to Kirstie’s. Tanner wasn’t around to make me feel better. He had to leave this morning for a full day of Top Gear stuff. He wasn’t going to be home until late tonight. So, I went to Kirstie’s.

Josh wasn’t there. Thank God. I don’t know if I could muster seeing his greasiness with the way my stomach’s been lately. Emma was a little happy thing though. She put a smile on my face.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Kirstie teased once I plopped down next to her.

“I didn’t feel well, so I went home and changed… and then came here since Tanner isn’t home,” I sighed.

“Aw, you’re that addicted that your Tanny that you get withdrawal symptoms when he’s gone,” she teased.

“Shut up,” I snapped at her.

“Someone’s in a lovely mood,” she taunted.

“I don’t feel good,” I muttered.

“You know…” she started while gently bouncing Emma. “You’re acting like I did before I found out I was pregnant,” she went on.

“I’m not pregnant,” I shot back.

“Because you and Tanner are so very careful about not getting pregnant,” she had to snicker.

“I can’t be pregnant,” I sighed, having that huge wave of ‘oh my god, I could pregnant’ hit me.

“But you want kids,” Kirstie tried to soothe.

“Yeah, when Tanner and I are ready… we haven’t even talked about it yet… he can’t even ask me to marry him! We can’t talk about having a kid,” I groaned.

“You know… I may have an extra pregnancy test from when Josh and I were trying. If you want, you can take it,” she countered nicely.

After a few seconds, I agreed. Kirstie went and put Emma down for a nap and I… went into the bathroom. I hated that I was shaking once I put the plastic thing on the counter, waiting for it to settle. As I waited, Tanner called… out of all the times he could call!

“Hello?” I answered, taking my focus away from the thing sitting on the counter.

“Aw, I thought you would be working. I was going to leave you a cute voicemail,” he replied with a smile in his voice.

“I left early. I didn’t feel good,” I told him.

“You ok? Do you need me to come home?” he asked in such a caring tone.

“No, I’m fine,” I sighed.

“Baby,” he replied as if not believing me.

“Tanner, I’m fine,” I shot at him.

“Ok, if you need anything, just call,” he said as sweetly as he could. “Love you, baby,” he went on.

I returned his words before I hung up and shoved my phone back into my pocket. Right when I did, my eyes traveled over to the counter. Staring back at me was a screen that I wanted to be so happy to see, but… I still broke down in tears.

Kirstie started softly knocking on the door, asking if I was ok. I dried my tears quickly and opened the door. She tried sending me a kind smile, but I just lost it again.

“It’s ok, Ky. Tanner loves you. You’re going to have a cute little family with him,” she tried to make it better, but… that fear of not knowing Tanner’s reaction hit me.

We stayed in an embrace for a while longer until my tears stopped. She sent me off with a few encouraging words. I know she was trying to help, but… they didn’t do much.

When I got home, I laid in bed with my phone lying next to me. It was then that I saw it was flashing. I turned it on to find a voicemail waiting for me. Once it started playing through my ears, a small smile came over me.

“Hey, baby. I hope you feel better. I wish I could be there and just hold you to try and make you feel better. I’ll be home soon though. I promise. I just wanted to tell you how much I love you. I know I tell you that a lot, but I figured it’d help you today. You have no idea how much I want to be there with you and tell you this, but… only a few more hours and I’ll be able to see your pretty little face. But I love you baby. I’ll see you soon. Bye-bye,” Tanner’s soft voice spoke, putting me a little at ease.

It just made me want him here more. I wasn’t too sure if I had the courage to tell him yet, but… I just wanted to see him. Tanner’s that guy. He makes me feel every feeling possible the second I see him. I wish that would be all I feel when I see him… and a feeling in my stomach doesn’t flare up.