Holly, Would You Turn Me
Down & Out
I got up the next day leaving her a note saying I was going away for a few days and I’d be back before the week was out, I had a habit of doing stuff like this and she’d never get worried.
That was what I did, when things got rough I went away, normally nowhere special just somewhere I could be alone and think to myself.
I’d gone as far as the hotel in the next town, I got to do some work and I got some time to myself and so did she.
If she ever needed me my cell was on and she could ring me and I’d be right back, I’d rung the only other person I relied on like Holly and sure enough 20 minutes later she showed up.
“Hey sweetie,” she said walking in and I shut the door behind her.
“What’s up with you to bring you out here?” she asked and I sat down.
“Things,” I said and she smiled.
“Tell me?” she asked and I looked at her, my mom was the reason I knew Holly and she was always there when I needed.
“I broke up with Jack,” I stated and she looked at me shocked.
"Why?” she asked and I sighed.
“We were arguing and Holly walked in and asked us to stop an he hit her,” I explained and her eyes widened.
“Just you wait until I get my hands on him,” she started.
“Mom it’s fine, I punched him. I just couldn’t be with him after he did that. It’s like the one person in the world I’d do anything for and he hurts them. Then Zack was in his typical jackass mood and told Holly to make me go out with Jack again and when she refused they broke up. I’ve ruined 2 relationships,” I stated and she hugged me.
I started to cry and she smiled at me.
“Alex come on it’s not that bad,” she said and I nodded.
“Holly does everything to look out for me and I ruin the one thing she has that’s her own. The reason Jack and I were arguing was because I was in a mood with him and he thinks I choose Holly over him. I do and I know I do but I owe her so much, you know I feel like I’m always going to be in her debt and I just can’t keep this up anymore,” I said and she put her arm around my shoulders.
It was safe to say I was a mommy’s boy, dad and I got on perfectly fine and he had now issues with me being gay but it was mom I always wanted to see and mom who I ran to when I needed help.
The guys always teased me over it because I did exactly as she asked me and when I felt sick always wanted her sympathy.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’m done mom, I don’t want any of this anymore. I want life to be uncomplicated and I know how to do it,” I said.
“Alexander what are you saying?” she asked sounding half worried.
“I’m stopping, I’m quitting the band,” I said and she stared at me.
You are not!” she snapped.
“Mom it’s my life and my decision, I can’t live like this anymore. I hate pretending to be straight when I’m not, I hate Holly pretending to love me when she doesn’t and I hate lying constantly; it’s wearing me down and it’s just not worth it, I said and she shook her head.
“You always were blinded, you love music; frankly it’s all you’ve ever been good at. 1 thing goes wrong and you always run away Alex, it’s time to face facts. You sold out to make it and now you don’t want it, well it’s too late you made your bed now lie in it. As for Holly, she does love you. She puts herself through the stupidity of living 2 lives to see you happy so at least keep going,"she said and I shook my head.
“I know you Alex, your depressed and you want to change everything in your life well you can’t,” she said calmly.
“I hate it mom, I just want everything back to how it was. I just want Jack back but I can’t do it, I tried to text him earlier but I have nothing to say. I can’t forgive him but I just can’t get over it. I love him mom, like really love him and I just don’t know what to do. Everything reminds me of him and I hate it,” I said crying and she smiled.
“That’s called heartbreak, I know you love him and you have to decide whether to leave him forever or try to make it work, she said and I shook my head.
He hit her, the one person in the world. Anyone else and I’d have shouted at him and made life hell but not her. Holly means everything to me and he knows it, if I’d hit his sister he’d have knocked me out cold and never even spoken to me again, I said and she nodded.
“Alex you can’t let this get the better of you and you know it, you’ve come too far in your life to give in to all this stuff now. If we can’t help you then you go to the doctor young man, she warned and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not that bad mom, I just feel down, I admitted and she nodded.
That was what I did, when things got rough I went away, normally nowhere special just somewhere I could be alone and think to myself.
I’d gone as far as the hotel in the next town, I got to do some work and I got some time to myself and so did she.
If she ever needed me my cell was on and she could ring me and I’d be right back, I’d rung the only other person I relied on like Holly and sure enough 20 minutes later she showed up.
“Hey sweetie,” she said walking in and I shut the door behind her.
“What’s up with you to bring you out here?” she asked and I sat down.
“Things,” I said and she smiled.
“Tell me?” she asked and I looked at her, my mom was the reason I knew Holly and she was always there when I needed.
“I broke up with Jack,” I stated and she looked at me shocked.
"Why?” she asked and I sighed.
“We were arguing and Holly walked in and asked us to stop an he hit her,” I explained and her eyes widened.
“Just you wait until I get my hands on him,” she started.
“Mom it’s fine, I punched him. I just couldn’t be with him after he did that. It’s like the one person in the world I’d do anything for and he hurts them. Then Zack was in his typical jackass mood and told Holly to make me go out with Jack again and when she refused they broke up. I’ve ruined 2 relationships,” I stated and she hugged me.
I started to cry and she smiled at me.
“Alex come on it’s not that bad,” she said and I nodded.
“Holly does everything to look out for me and I ruin the one thing she has that’s her own. The reason Jack and I were arguing was because I was in a mood with him and he thinks I choose Holly over him. I do and I know I do but I owe her so much, you know I feel like I’m always going to be in her debt and I just can’t keep this up anymore,” I said and she put her arm around my shoulders.
It was safe to say I was a mommy’s boy, dad and I got on perfectly fine and he had now issues with me being gay but it was mom I always wanted to see and mom who I ran to when I needed help.
The guys always teased me over it because I did exactly as she asked me and when I felt sick always wanted her sympathy.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’m done mom, I don’t want any of this anymore. I want life to be uncomplicated and I know how to do it,” I said.
“Alexander what are you saying?” she asked sounding half worried.
“I’m stopping, I’m quitting the band,” I said and she stared at me.
You are not!” she snapped.
“Mom it’s my life and my decision, I can’t live like this anymore. I hate pretending to be straight when I’m not, I hate Holly pretending to love me when she doesn’t and I hate lying constantly; it’s wearing me down and it’s just not worth it, I said and she shook her head.
“You always were blinded, you love music; frankly it’s all you’ve ever been good at. 1 thing goes wrong and you always run away Alex, it’s time to face facts. You sold out to make it and now you don’t want it, well it’s too late you made your bed now lie in it. As for Holly, she does love you. She puts herself through the stupidity of living 2 lives to see you happy so at least keep going,"she said and I shook my head.
“I know you Alex, your depressed and you want to change everything in your life well you can’t,” she said calmly.
“I hate it mom, I just want everything back to how it was. I just want Jack back but I can’t do it, I tried to text him earlier but I have nothing to say. I can’t forgive him but I just can’t get over it. I love him mom, like really love him and I just don’t know what to do. Everything reminds me of him and I hate it,” I said crying and she smiled.
“That’s called heartbreak, I know you love him and you have to decide whether to leave him forever or try to make it work, she said and I shook my head.
He hit her, the one person in the world. Anyone else and I’d have shouted at him and made life hell but not her. Holly means everything to me and he knows it, if I’d hit his sister he’d have knocked me out cold and never even spoken to me again, I said and she nodded.
“Alex you can’t let this get the better of you and you know it, you’ve come too far in your life to give in to all this stuff now. If we can’t help you then you go to the doctor young man, she warned and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not that bad mom, I just feel down, I admitted and she nodded.