Contorting, Distorting, I Am Undone

Last night I had an uncomfortable sleep. I couldn't stop tossing and turning. I woke up earlier than usual drenched in sweat and decided to cool off and get a bowl of cheerios. I was the only one up, everyone else was sleeping.

I smiled. Now could be the time for revenge.

But how? I could pour this cereal on one of the guys, but then that cereal and milk goes to waste and it's a bitch to clean up, especially since we don't have any stable facilities to wash the sheets with. I shook my head, I better not. Maybe sometime later, but for now I'll just finish my breakfast in peace.

I stacked the dirty bowl on top of another dirty one in the tiny sink. Someone's got to clean that later...

I headed back to the beds, suddenly thinking it's not too late to wake somebody up after all. I climbed the ladder and perched on Der's bed, watching him sleep calmly. I flicked his face a few times, but he only stirred. I chuckled and began to pull out his hair. One by one, I pulled out a few strands of his dark orange locks. Slowly, he turned his back towards me.

I decided to stop pulling out his hair; I mean I didn't want him to get a bald patch. I blew on my hand and then lifted a bit of his shirt before sliding my hand in. My fingers hovered on his back, trying to lightly tickle him. Once I reached his neck he jolted up.

"Whoa, whoa!" I grabbed his shoulder with my other hand. They way he got up bent my arm. He sat up straight and I took my hand out of his shirt while he looked at me.

"What the hell was that all about?" he asked, rubbing his neck.

"So you're neck's the ticklish spot then?" I smirked.

"Matt..." He edged away, leaning his back against the wall.

"What? I was bored, didn't have anything to do," I shrugged. He grimaced.

"So you come to me when you have nothing to do then. Thanks," he looked away, lying back down in his blankets.

"Well, what else should I do then?" I asked, yanking the covers off him. He pressed his lips together.

"I don't care, as long as I'm not your sloppy second anymore, you ass," he huffed, snatching the covers back and covering his face. I scoffed, pulling them back down and seeing his scrunched up face.

"So it was you last night! Why didn't you answer me?" I asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, crossing his arms.

"Der," I sighed. "Why didn't you come down last night? I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah, because you were bored because you didn't have Ronnie with you. I'm not going to be your dumb little sex toy anymore," he said, turning his back to me.

"What? Derek," I scolded. "You aren't just a toy... Whatever, I don't see what your problem is with me and Ronnie. We're just pals, that's all."

"Oh, just pals?" he sneered. "Yeah right. You two are practically stuck together after shows. Every night you were the last one to get on the bus because you were out with him." I opened my mouth to protest, but then he cut in.

"I saw him kiss you and hug you, Matt. I was looking through the window."

He sounded slightly hurt, which took me by surprise. I didn't know he really... Cared like that. Then that answered my other questions... The night before, he never came down because he saw Ronnie and me. Then again, yesterday.
He's Jealous!

"Der Bear," I sighed, rubbing his shoulder.

"Don't call me that," he said, shrugging my hand off.

"I'm sorry, Derek, will you just listen to me? I know he makes you feel uncomfortable, but if you don't want me to-"

"Just go back to your own bed will you?"

I frowned. He can be so stubborn sometimes it isn't even funny.

"You know, I can't help but feel this relationship's getting really screwed up," I muttered, climbing back down. I walked to the driver's seat at the front, where Travis was driving. "Are we fucking there yet?" I asked, sitting in the passenger seat.

"Well aren't you a bundle of joy," he said in a monotone, not taking his eyes off the road.

"Sorry, had a bad sleep."

"It's okay, I'm getting tired too," he shrugged. "I think only an hour away."

"Jesus, what took us so long?" I asked, looking out the window.

"I may have stopped at night to take a nap…" he said sheepishly. I smiled a little.

"Okay, well I'll just sit here with you till we get there," I said, leaning my head against the window. We talked for a while, about our upcoming shows. We had another few months on the road before we get to go home and then record another album. Soon enough an hour passed and we finally reached our new location. There were lights everywhere. In the daytime it looked so festive, I can't wait till we see them lit up at night.

"Guys wake up! We're here!" I yelled to the back of the bus. Everyone eventually got up, taking their time. "Guys..." I urged. "C'mon! Look outside, it's awesome!" Soon everyone got ready and we parked.

"What now?" Derek asked, rubbing his eyes.

"I have to call the guys, tell them we're here." Seth walked off.

"And I have call Maxie and tell him we're here too," Sonny grinned and walked off with his phone. Travis stretched.

"Yeah, it's all nice out here and everything, but I'm going for a nap. Wake me when we have to play or something," he said, going back in the bus. It was just me and Derek again. I looked at him, ready to apologize and get him to talk to me again, when I realized, it's always me apologizing. Maybe he should this time, because I've had enough of being his doormat.

I leaned against the bus and looked at the sky. He didn't say anything. He just lit a cigarette and leaned against the bus a foot away from me. I chewed on my bottom lip; I wanted to shout at him so badly, and tell him to put it out, but I held my ground. I will not be the first one to talk.

I glanced at him; he was acting all cool, blowing smoke out of his nose. Makes me sick.

"What, you want a drag?" he asked. Ha, I win. Now I can talk.

"No, I do not 'want a drag'," I imitated. "Those will kill you," I said, daring myself to pull it out of his hands. With some extra bravery, I threw it on the ground and stomped on it. "That's what I think of you and your disgusting drags." I crossed my arms. He stared at me for a second.

"Yeah… Right," he scoffed, getting out another. I looked downwards.

"Okay, maybe that was a bit uncalled for, but I-" I couldn't finish my sentence as he lunged towards me and slammed his lips onto mine. I kissed back, tightening my arms around his waist. He dropped the cigarette and we kissed for five minutes straight, and I have to admit; I missed it. I moaned in his mouth - this should've happened last night. Fucking stubbornness.

He started to tug on my hair.

"Mm, a little too hard Der," I whispered. He loosened his grip and connected our lips again. My hands slid up his back under the material of his shirt. "I'll have nothing to do with Ronnie," I said between kisses. "If that means I get this more often."

Derek nodded and bit down on my neck.

"Guys, you've got a show at 6:30 tonight, that's only three hours away," Seth called. We could hear him walking towards us. Derek reluctantly pulled back and wiped his mouth, leaning against the bus and lighting another new cigarette. I just bit on my lip and leaned on the bus too.

"Guys, did you hear me?" he called as he came from the other side of the bus.

"Yeah we did," Derek answered. "Want one?" Seth shrugged and took it. I shook my head.

"You two are killing yourselves," I muttered and walked into the bus.

"Well, well, well," Travis watched me, rubbing his hands together. I raised my eyebrow.

"What?"

"You'd been hiding it well," he said with a twisted smile.

"Hiding what well?" I asked suspiciously.

"You and Derek," he said. I stared at him for a second and his smile grew. "I saw you two through the window."

"Goddamn, someone should really paint those black, they've screwed me over more than once!" I yelled. He laughed.

"How come you didn't tell anyone?" he asked. "Why do you always fight and then you go on and do... That," he motioned with his hands.

"I... I don't know, I guess we - how are you sure it was us anyway? Are you sure it isn't some... freaky dream?" I asked. Déjà vu...

"I didn't sleep," he said bluntly. "Plus, I didn't have to see it. You two were loud enough, not to mention you were like bumping against the bus, don't you think I would've heard it and looked outside?"

"... Fine. You caught us. Just don't tell anyone you know. Not even Derek, okay?"

"But why? You guys are-"

"Promise me?" I asked. He looked at the window then back at me.

"Yeah, fine I promise," he gave in as Derek and Seth climbed into the bus. "But that doesn't mean this is over," he whispered. I winked at him and smiled.

"Guys! Guys!" Sonny shouted, running in. "Max and the guys will be here in an hour!" He grinned, jumping up and down.

"Oh, that's great," I smiled, then remembering Derek. I glanced at him and his arms were crossed, giving me a 'what the fuck did you just say?' look. He walked over to the sink, washing out a glass. I took the chance and went over to him.

"Don't worry," I said very quietly. "You have nothing to worry about, I promise."