Tonight We Can Be As One

Gerard's Pov

It’s 6:30 pm in the afternoon. I haven’t moved from Frankie's room since he went out, and left me here all alone… I almost felt how my heart broke when he slammed the door shut. I was staring at the ceiling while lying on his bed; probably this would be the last time I will be here, so that gave me some time to think.
I wondered what Frank would be doing at that moment. Maybe, he is probably hooking up with Jamia right now.
I really don't like that image in my mind.
I feel so angry with myself for not being able to come up with better words to convince him and make him stay. I should’ve told him right ahead why I was in his room. Or… apologize for kissing him, or say “I think I liked what I felt when your lips touched mine, so what about you?” But things turned out different, I was a complete coward, I chickened out and let him go without being able to tell him what I was supposed to tell.

I sat at the edge of his bed trying to find out my real feelings for Lindsey and Frank. I have been thinking so much about this the whole day that my head is starting to ache.
I think I love my girlfriend, but sometimes it seems like she doesn’t give a fuck about it or that she just doesn’t feel the same way that I do. But other times she is so… charming and caring and loving, so that leaves me even more puzzled. I know she has cheated on me several times in the past; but I had forgiven her because as they say, "Love is blind"; and also because I can’t bear to be alone… I am always afraid to end up alone…
I even start taking antidepressants whenever our relationship felt like it is hanging off a cliff. I don’t want to lose her…
But on the other hand, there it’s Frank, the Italian guy that walked into my life a couple of months ago. I really enjoy being around him. Several times he had made me forget about the issues I have in my life with just giving me one of his silly giggles or big-white-teeth-smiles. I stopped taking antidepressants because I feel that I don’t need them anymore. I love that I can be myself when I’m with him, completely opposite of what I’ve got to do when I’m with Lindsey; with her, I have to be someone she want me to be, pretend to be someone I am not. In conclusion, I’m glad to have him next to me most of the time… He makes life look easier and brighter.
This may sound really bizarre but I think I'm in…
No Fucking Way...
I'm not in love with him!
Then why did I make such a big deal on him visiting this Jamia girl, well…yes, I was jealous really jealous, we had shared a perfect kiss yesterday in the car and now it was all about that stupid girl. I couldn’t even ask him what he thought about the kiss. First, because I was nervous and second because I was afraid that he wouldn’t even care about that; maybe he had forgotten about that already. And maybe I had to do the same, move on and never think of it again, it never existed, there was never an “us”.
And then again; why I thought about him all the time while I was making out with Lindsay? Trying to convince myself that she was who I wanted but at the same time searching the same feelings that had appeared in me while kissing Frank; and also wondering how it would be to give up everything, face my fears and just give it a shot with Frank.

How could I be in love with a guy? I mean he is a GUY!!!...No, it's not possible, we are just...

Or maybe I am…

It’s almost 7 now. It was dead cold outside and thick raindrops are starting to fall.
Fuck, Frank hasn't arrived yet…

OMFG! Maybe he got lost. I'm such an asshole! Idiot! How could I let him go with Jamia if he doesn't even know the city?

I grabbed a hoodie from my room and rushed out the door. Panicking, I got into my dad’s car and drove out of my neighbourhood as fast as I could. When I had reached the corner in my street I realized something. Where was I going? Frankie didn’t tell me where Jamia lived.

I drove back home and went for Mikey, thinking that maybe he knew where could I go. Where could I look for him.
But Mikey was not home. Nobody was home.
Please God! Help me find him.

Frank's Pov

I felt the rain wetting my clothes, my face, my soul, everything; but I didn't even care… I wanted the rain wash all the sadness away.

I was rumbling around, not sure of where I could go. I didn't know where it would be the best place to go… I thought about anywhere except from Way family's house. I couldn’t go back there yet; I just couldn’t see him without feeling utterly destroyed inside. I wanted to be alone for a while and let the drops caress my face; let the sky cry all that I was not able to.

I was so excited with the idea of meeting Jamia personally. I wanted to erase the stupid idea of me and Gerard getting together, by just going to meet a girl I liked. Yeah, I have to admit that I was crushing really hard for her, she was so beautiful; I would’ve loved her to be more than just my friend, but instead of the happy ending I had pictured… I found out the ugly truth that she was fucking another girl.

Why didn't she tell me she was…or is… I mean, why she didn't tell me she likes girls?

I wouldn’t have any problem about that…
It was somewhat unfair that I have to deal with all this shit…
At that time… I felt that I wasn’t worth anything. Nobody would ever gonna love me…

Finally, a couple of tears run through my cheeks. I’ve never felt so worthless and helpless in my entire life.
Realizing that more tears were about to come, I breathed deeply and ran Misfits lyrics in my head. That was what I’ve always done whenever I was about to cry… I can’t cry; I’m a man. And since I was a kid my dad taught me that only weak people cry…
However I just felt so weak that not even the Misfits lyrics helped me fight back the tears.
I’ve been walking for about one hour and I didn’t know where I was. My clothes were soaking wet, my legs numb and I couldn’t feel my fingers neither my nose anymore. An excruciating exhaustion took me over and I was forced to seat in a bench near me. I was in some park, I haven’t been before. It was so empty and lonely there.
I kept still, watching the cars passing in the street, feeling weaker each minute.

I can’t tell how long I stayed that way, my heart was starting to beat slower and my breaths were long and paused. I lied in the bench as my body couldn’t take it any longer and I couldn’t stay seated. I hoped for someone to walk by and help me, tell me that everything will be ok and to take me home… When I say home, I mean, hometown. I don’t want to live here anymore. Now, I hate it here.
My heart jumped in pure joy and came to life again when I saw the person I wanted to see the most at that moment, getting off of a car and running toward where I was.

“Gee… I-” My voice choked. My eyelids felt so heavy that I was unable to keep them open anymore. All went black and that was the last thing I remember before everything going dark…