Endlessly

“I’m gonna get fat guys!” I whined after the third dish Samantha had placed in front of me.

“Fat my ass!” Samantha scoffed. “You can probably eat a whole cow, and not gain a pound,” she said.

“Your ass isn’t fat,” I smiled at her. “And I don’t eat beef,” I reminded her.

“Don’t even play around and eat!” Kyle commanded sitting in front of me.

“I need to do your hair,” Samantha muttered, and starting brushing it. After a few minutes of trying to make it look presentable, she groaned and threw her hands up in the air. “This is not working out,” she groaned and stomped out of the kitchen.

“Damn, what’s up her ass?” I muttered.

“She’s PMS-ing,” Kyle said apologetically.

“I am not!” Samantha shouted, making Kyle and I chuckle.

“She is,” I agreed.

“Did she eat?” Luke asked, walking into the kitchen followed by his brother.

“Yes! I’m on my third plate!” I said triumphantly.

“Well, guess what? We got you some multivitamins, some protein shake, and new shampoos and your girl stuff,” Jack said as he took each item out of the plastic bag that I hadn’t noticed he was carrying.

“I’m not sick guys!”

“You’re not. You’re just not healthy,” Jack frowned.

“Wow Jack, it’s probably the second time that I’ve seen you serious,” I joked.

“Shut up and eat,” he commanded playfully at me.

“Yes sir,” I said as I dug into my food. In all honesty, I missed food. Big time. I wasn’t even full yet. I was seriously very, very hungry.

“So, how have you been?” Kyle asked me lightly.

“Fine,” I said looking down on my plate.

“How have you really been?” he asked me.

I looked at the 4 pairs of eyes looking at me. Samantha put a hand on my shoulder, and smiled lightly at me. “We’re your bestfriends, Lyn. We’re here to help you. We’re here to comfort you. We can’t help you if you don’t let us. You can trust us, and you know that,” she said to me.

I nodded at her and smiled lightly at all of them. I put my fork down, and leaned back on my seat. “Look at me. I’m a mess. I don’t think words can describe it. Nor would I know where to start,” I sighed.

“How about let’s start with why you packed up and left?” Luke offered.

I shrugged. “Because that’s what I’m good at. When I can’t deal with something, I pack up and leave. I run away from my problems,” I said quietly.

“You know that you can’t, right?” Kyle asked. I nodded.

“Is there a reason for you to pack up and leave?” Jack asked.

“As I said, that’s what pops into my mind first when I panic. Plus, I can’t really handle a possibility of seeing him, because I wouldn’t know what I’d do,” I sighed.

“Why did you cut?” Luke asked me.

“I have so much emotional pain that I can’t feel, and cutting… Well, it makes me feel the pain. It lets out the emotional pain,” I shrugged.

They nodded understandingly. “How do you feel?” Jack asked me.

I frowned. “I feel like utter shit.”

“Would you care to elaborate?” Kyle asked.

I sighed. “Do I have to?”

“If you wanna get it all out, then yes,” Luke said.

“Okay,” I sighed. “Well, I feel like a mess, because I can’t get my life straight. I feel numb, because I don’t know what to feel anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now, I feel so lost that I actually am willing to take the position with my brothers. I feel desperate. I feel desperate to want to see him. To want to touch him. I feel selfish, because I want him to myself, and nobody else. I feel worthless, because he always made me feel like I’m worth something. And I feel lost. I feel lost because Ryan always showed me the way. He was like my map to this journey we call life, and it’s like, I’m out in the jungle with no compass, with no map, with no right destination, and just winging it - hoping that I’ll get myself at least somewhere. I don’t even know myself anymore. For the past three years, he has been a part of me, and it’s like, I’ve lost half of me. He was my bestfriend and my boyfriend at the same time. I lost one, I lost both,” I took a deep breath as I finished. I’m surprised that I managed to get that out without breaking into hysterics. “I feel weak, guys. It scares me,” I said quietly, looking at them with – I’m pretty sure- a look of fear.

Samantha immediately hugged me. “Hazelyn, I’m here for you. I transferred out of Stanford, into UCLA. Kyle and I both. You’ll have us. You won’t have to be alone anymore. You don’t have to be scared. We’ll be your maps,” she said pulling away from me. She was in tears, and I wondered if I was too. I don’t feel anything. As much as I wanted to cry, I couldn’t. I just… couldn’t.

“You should finish your food,” Jack said lowly at me. I could see the guys’ eyes watering. I just nodded and continued eating. I finally finished my plate, and looked at everyone who stared at me. “I finished it,” I informed them, with a smile.

“Good, now.. uhm..,” Luke said trying to come up with something to light up the mood. “Wanna watch a movie?” he asked.

I nodded and smiled. “The Bourne trilogy!” Jack shouted and ran out of the kitchen, and I heard his feet padding up the stairs, I’m assuming to my recreational room. I rolled my eyes as we followed them. I turned back halfway up the stairs to go back for my phone, just in case.

As I was ascending the stairs, the doorbell rang. I walked towards it and expected my brother to be standing there with Scotty. But no, what I saw was beyond what I could comprehend. I thought I was dreaming. And I did the second thing I was best at. I blacked out. Again.

~~ Luke POV ~~

I walked into the room, and nothing was different with it. Hazelyn is a very organized person. She has some kind of OCD of things being out of place. I sat down on one of the beanbag chairs beside my brother, while Kyle and Samantha were arguing about how to work the home-theater.

Samantha finally gave up and let Kyle do the work. She sat down on the couch, her arms crossed and pouting. Kyle figured it out and carried the remote with him, sitting next to Samantha and kissing her. Gross. They were probably the second cutest couple that I’ve ever met.

“Where’s Hazelyn?” Kyle asked suddenly.

“She was behind me awhile back,” I said. “She might’ve gone back for something in the kitchen,” I said.

“Well then, we should use this time to talk,” Samantha suggested.

“Yeah, I’m worried about her,” my brother said sadly.

“I think we all are, she just can’t be left alone,” I said.

They nodded. “Kyle and I will be staying here,” Samantha said.

“Yeah. I’ve never seen her this weak,” Kyle said sadly.

“She’s probably the strongest person I’ve met,” Samantha said, her eyes watering. “And I can't believe that bastard can just break her just like that!” she growled.

“Baby, relax,” Kyle said, wrapping her arms around Samantha and kissing her cheek.

“I’m sorry, it’s just that, I’m her bestfriend! I would be pissed! Never have I heard her voice that weak! I’ve never seen her that weak! Hazelyn would never admit that she’s having a hard time, and hearing her say that, it makes me want to fucking murder that twit!” she sobbed, hugging Kyle. He comforted her. I gave my brother a look, and he had his lips pursed into a thin line.

“I’m gonna go get some chips,” I said as I stood up. “you guys want anything?” I asked uneasily. They just shrugged and I walked down the stairs, humming the tune of ‘Who Says’ by Selena Gomez. Hey, don’t hate. It’s catchy, and it has meaningful lyrics. I chuckled at myself for having an internal conflict about that, but what I saw before my very eyes was a shock.

Hazelyn was at the door and on the other side of it, was no other than the devil himself. I was about to run over there and start using him as a punching bag. But before I could process anything in my brain, Hazelyn lost her balance and Jay immediately caught her.

I ran down the stairs, and was about to help Jay carry Hazelyn, but he easily just carried her Bridal Style.

“Kyle! Samantha! Jack! Get down here!” I shouted, without taking my eyes off Jay.

“Holy Shit! Hazelyn!” Jack shouted and ran over to me, then froze when he saw who was holding onto her.

“What the fuck are you doing here, you bastard?!” Kyle boomed. I’ve never seen him this scary.

“Can we not right now?! We need to take Hazelyn to the hospital!” Samantha shouted at us.

“We can take care of her here,” Jay spoke for the first time.

“No, we can’t. Don’t tell us what to do about anything concerning Hazelyn’s health. You don’t know what’s happening. So, if you wanna know what’s good for you, get her into your fucking car, drive as fast as you can to the hospital, and get her into the emergency room. I don’t give a shit how many laws you break, just make sure she gets immediate attention,” Kyle growled, in a stance that was ready to attack, but Samantha was holding onto his arm. She’s gonna have her share of this rage attack later on.

Jay must’ve gotten the message and the threat, because without another word, he got Hazelyn into his Commander, getting into the driver’s seat, and I jumped into the passenger’s.

We raced to the hospital in silence, Jay probably breaking every road violation in the book of violations. We came to a screeching halt in front of the Emergency room and he jumped out of his seat, throwing the door open, carefully taking Hazelyn, and practically flew into the emergency room.

I was still in a state of shock. Between Hazelyn unconscious, and the fucking bastard actually being here. I just sat there for a few minutes until I saw my brother knocking on the window. That’s when everything hit me. My eyes widened and I threw my door open, knocking back my brother in surprise. I muttered a quick apology and ran into the emergency room to see Hazelyn on a hospital bed, and Jay shouting at the nurses about immediate attention for the unconscious.

Less than a minute later, he slapped down 500 dollars on the counter, demanding for the doctor, and almost immediately they sent one out. He walked over to Hazelyn, checking for her blood, her oxygen and whatnot.

“Charge her to a room!” the doctor shouted at the nurses, and they immediately took action.

That didn’t sound good. I looked at my brother, then at Kyle, whom Samantha was holding onto for her dear life, and to Jay-who realized that it could be serious- whom looked very panicked.

“We’ll charge her for a room. She doesn’t have enough oxygen in her body right now. It could be shock, or it could be blood loss, but we’ll do as much as we can. If you didn’t bring her in, it could’ve been life threatening,” he informed us. “She will be in room 420,” he informed us and walked into the double doors that they had taken Hazelyn into.

We just stood there for a bit, and walked out of the emergency room, still stunned at what has happened. We just stood there for awhile, until I heard a loud sound of contact of skin-on-skin. My head snapped up, and I saw Samantha in front of Jay

“You bastard. If anything happens to Hazelyn. Anything bad. You are going to fucking regret it. You don’t know how much shit you’ve put her through, and you don’t know how broken she is. Why are you even here? Huh Dolciani? You’re not welcome here anymore. The moment that you chose those fake fags over Hazelyn, you aren’t a part of us anymore. So get the fuck out of here before I call Tristan and have your ass killed,” she said through gritted teeth.

I examined Jay for a moment. He looked like shit. He had dark circles around his eyes, his skin was dry, his hair wasn’t in it’s usual ‘perfect’ way, and he had snakebites on.

“Why are you here?” Kyle asked, pulling Samantha back.

“I needed to talk to her,” Jay said, his voice cracking.

“Why? So you can break her even more? To show off how good your life is now that she’s gone? Or maybe show off how many sluts you’ve fucked? Maybe how much better you are without her?!” Samantha shrieked.

“Sam, relax, he has his reasons,” I spoke up. Jay looked up at me hopefully. “But first,” I said and walked up to him, and gave him the strongest punch I could throw. “That’s for hurting her,” I said to him.

“Guys! What happened?!” Lago came up to us, his eyes frantic. Tristan was behind him, also in panic.

“Where’s my sister? Is she okay?” he asked running his hands through his hair. Stephanie was behind him too, and held onto his forearm. Her eyes landed on Jay, and her grip tightened on Tristan. He looked down at her, and followed her eyes.

He stood rigid for a moment, and his hands clenched into fists. He carefully took Stephanie’s off of his arms and walked towards Jay. He didn’t say anything, but began beating the shit out of the guy. A fist thrown here and there, several blows to the stomach, but nothing major. I’ll tell you what. Tristan knows how to throw a punch…. Or ten.

Everyone just stared, and everyone must’ve noticed that Jay didn’t even fight back. Even Stephanie didn’t stop her boyfriend from beating him up, but she did step in after a bit.

“Tristan, that’s my brother, please, I think he had enough,” she said to him.

He stepped back from her, and Jay wiped away the drops of blood from the corner of his lip. “It’s okay. I deserved that. He warned me before, that if a single tear runs down Hazelyn’s face, he’ll beat the shit out of me,” he said, looking straight at Tristan’s eyes. “If anything, I deserve more.”

Everyone gasped. Is Jay actually coming back to his senses?