Endlessly

“And?” I repeated, trying to make him spit it out. At this point, I didn’t care if I sounded desperate.

He looked down. Then I saw him raise an eyebrow. “You’re in your snowboarding clothes, why?” he asked me.

“I uhh..,” I stuttered. Fuck.

His phone rang, and he immediately answered. “What’s up man?” he asked. All I heard was mumbling for a few seconds, then he grimaced. “I figured that out. She’s right in front of me in her snowboarding clothes,” he said. He then looked under my bed. “And her stuff are under her bed,” he said an eyed me, almost laughing. “Thanks man. Goodnight,” he said before closing his phone.

“You really thought you could’ve gotten away?” he scoffed.

“I was just taking a chance,” I said and shrugged. I then stood up and went into the bathroom, grabbing sweats on the way,quickly changing my snowboarding pants to my sweats. As I walked back into the room, Ryan was on lounging on my bed, looking through the scrapbook Stephanie made for us a few months ago. She gave it to me after we broke up. She said that she didn’t want her effort to go to waste and she apologetically gave it to me.

I opened it once. And only once. It was because the first time I opened it, I was crying like a mad man.

“When did you make this?” he asked as he flipped through the pages slowly, taking in each of the pages.

“I didn’t make it,” I said sitting down on the bed, refraining form looking at the page in front of him, because I was afraid that I would burst into tears.

He looked up at me, his eyebrow raised. “So, this just happened like this?” he asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. “Your sister made it,” I said to him. “She gave it to me after we broke up,” I managed to squeak out, but my voice broke. Damn it. I sat back on the headboard of my bed, and turned on the TV.

I heard him sigh loudly after a few minutes, closing the book, putting it on the floor and sat up in front of me, blocking my view. I raised an eyebrow at him. “Move, please.”

He reached out over me for the computer and turned off my TV. “We’re not done talking,” he said.

“Can we talk in the morning, I’m kind of sleepy,” I tried.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Have you not learned that you will never get away with lying to me?” he asked.

“Fine, talk,” I said as I crossed my arms, and bit my bottom lip.

“Hazelyn, I love you,” he said. I froze. I haven’t heard those words in a long time, and I was yearning for them. I just stared at him, unmoving. He crawled closer to me, and reached for my face. He smiled softly. “I love you,” he whispered again.

I realized that mye yes were watering, so I shook my head. I would’ve yelled at him and told him that he was bullshiting me, but I knew he wasn’t. “Why?” was the only word I managed to choke out.

He shrugged. “I don’t know why I do, because I just do.”

“When did this all happen?” He looked at me questioningly. “You, and this whole ‘loving’ me again?” I asked. He tilted his head to the side, a habit he got from me when he’s confused.

“What do you mean again?” he asked. He then just looked at me and took my hands into his and began to talk. “Hazelyn, not for a minute did my love falter. It never went away. I may have been carried away by our façade for a little while, but I still loved you. I still do love you. I tried making things right, but this whole Audrey thing came in and I didn’t want you to suffer. I saw you at the party with Kyle, and I saw the reality. I wasn’t good enough for you. I’m still not good enough for you, and it hurts me to realize that somebody out there could be better me. Somebody that wouldn’t get you in such a horrible predicament.

“I love you Hazelyn. Since our first dance. Everything started after that first dance. The first time I looked into your eyes, the first time that we were so close, the first time we didn’t fight,” he smiled at me. “That might sound cheesy and whipped, but when it comes to you, I’m the king of whipped cheese, if there’s such a thing,” he frowned.

“But that’s not the point. The point is I want you back. I know I’ve been acting like a douche. But it’s because I want to protect you. I’ve always wanted to protect you. You’ve always been so independent and strong, and I want to be the one that you’d depend on, and would be strong for you.”

At this point, I was bawling like a baby at his speech. I felt his arms go around me, and I hugged back. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me but to tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ll ever fall out of love with you,” he said. I looked up at him questioningly. “You asked me that one night. Why I fell out of love with you,” he said. My eyes widened. He chuckled lightly, and kissed my forehead, driving the butterflies in my stomach ballistic. “You were drunk, it’s okay,” he mumbled against my hair and chuckled.

Should I forgive him? After the shit he put me through?

It’s not like he didn’t go through shit too

We’re not sure of that.

Maybe not, but you can ask him about what happened and how he’s been doing the past few months

How do you know he’d tell the truth.

How do you know he’ll lie? He’s never given you a reason not to trust him.

“So, tell me,” I said after the moment of silence. He mumbled an ‘mhmmm’. “What happened? After I left? I mean, how- uhh,” I stuttered. “That didn’t come out right,” I mumbled. “I really don’t know how to- I mean, uhh, how were you like,” I got cut off by his soft chuckles.

“If you’re wondering if I was a mess without you, then I’d say yes. I’d say that I missed you every second of the day. That there was not one millisecond you left my mind. I couldn’t even stay sober for more than 6 hours because I didn’t want to be aware of my surroundings and what I’m doing- because truthfully- I didn’t know what to do without you,” he said. I pulled away from him, and looked up at him.

“Bullshit,” I teased.

“I’m not bullshitting! I swear! You can even ask my siblings! I’ve been driving them insane for the past three months!” he frowned.

“I know, I know when you’re lying,” I grinned cheekily.

“Oh, very funny, Hazelyn Mae,” he glared playfully. “You were about to make me go into ‘Apologize To Hazelyn Until The Sun Comes Out’ mode!” he pouted.

“Damn, you’re adorable,” I thought to myself.

“I know,” he grinned. My eyes widened and I did a facepalm. “Don’t be embarrassed, it’s not like you haven’t told me that a million times before. I mean, come on. I just spilled out my whole heart to you, I don’t think you telling me I’m adorable should be embarrassing,” he scoffed.

I shook my head at him. “So, what have you been doing these past months?” I asked.

“Honestly?”

“No, I want you to lie to me,” I said rolling my eyes.

He rolled his eyes back at me. “Well, nothing really. Work, go home, get drunk, get yelled at by my siblings, get bombarded by paparazzi,” he mumbled.

“Aren’t you scared that Audrey might find out that we’re in contact again?” I asked him, and pressing my ear against his heart. I could hear it beating like crazy. Like it always had.

“Why would I be scared?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged.

“Hazelyn, you know I would go through hell and back for you,” he said tilting my head up to face him. “But if it would get your license and diploma revoked, then I wouldn’t risk it, so it’s your call,” he told me.

I rolled my eyes. “First of all, my license cannot be revoked. My diploma, maybe. But I could care less about such shit,” I mumbled.

“So, does this mean you forgive me?” he asked hopefully.

I bit my lip. “I don’t know,” I sighed.

“Hazelyn, please?” he pouted with his puppy dog eyes. “I swear! I’ll make it all fucking up to you. It’s not gonna happen ever again,” he pleaded. I gave him an uncertain look. “When have I ever lied to you, Haze?” he asked seriously. That got me. Double time. First, he had a point that he had never lied to me. And second, the nickname got me. I bit my lip, and nodded slowly.

His smile got even wider. I bit my lip and smiled back. He hugged me again, and I hugged back, savoring the feeling. I might not be right where I want to be, but I was close.

“I should get you back to sleep,” he chuckled.

I nodded and we both got under the covers. He pulled me closer and I just laid there in peace. For the first time in a few months, I actually got some decent sleep. I was satisfied. For now.



I woke up, and for some reason, I felt fresh. I felt happy. I had my eyes closed still. I could feel the California heat blow through my windows, and I just savored it. A smile crept onto my face, and I snuggled closer to my pillow. But it wasn’t my pillow. I was confused for a bit, until I realized arms were around my waist.

I slowly opened my eyes and I saw those familiar orbs that made we want to melt. I smiled instantly as the events of last night this morning rushed into my head. We were okay again. I knew it was a bit rushed. That through the shit he put me through, I knew he went through shit too. So, I wouldn’t do that to him. I wouldn’t put him through even more shit.

I love the guy for crying out loud.

“Good morning,” I croaked.

“Good? More like great morning,” he grinned his million-watt smile at me. “Waking up to that gorgeous face of yours?”

I playfully slapped his chest. “I bet I look like crap right now,” I rolled my eyes.

He shrugged. “Maybe to other people, but come on, I woke up seeing you face, I’m more than happy right now,” he grinned.

“How long have you been up?” I asked him.

“A couple hours,” he said.

“And you didn’t wake me up?”

“I always enjoy looking at you sleep,” he grinned.

“Creep,” I mumbled.

“Not even. I just miss waking up to your beautiful face, and in a split-second, my day is already complete,” he grinned. “it’s a refreshing feeling.”

“Tell me about it,” I mumbled. “What time is it?” I asked.

He looked over my head, where I had a clock. “A little over 3 p.m,” he said.

“Damn,” I mumbled. “What an unproductive day,” I chuckled.

“It’s okay, it was worth it,” he said as he hugged me closer. “Let’s go for dinner later?” he asked.

“Sure thing,” I said.

A few more minutes of us staying like that until he spoke again. “Do you wanna just lay here until dinner?” he asked.

“I guess,” I chuckled and he let out a sigh of relief.

True to word, we stayed laying down talking about nothing, and getting caught up with each other until 7 p.m. 4 hours. Yup.

We went to dinner at the French restaurant where I first went to dinner with his family. We talked some more, and I started teasing him about when he thought I would have hot dirty sex with out server.

“I was jealous, don’t hate,” he frowned at me.

“Cute,” I chuckled.

After, we went grocery shopping. Yes, in our formal attires- him in his suit, and me in my dress and heels- we went grocery shopping because apparently we were both malnourished and needed to get food for the house.

We stopped by a Blockbuster and rented a few movies, before heading back to Santa Monica to my house, and got ready for bed.

We were on our second movie, and he broke the silence. “Haze?”

“Hmmm?”

“What are we now?” he asked.

“I don’t get what you mean?” I asked as I focused on the movie, only giving him half my attention.

“Do you love me?” he asked.

I looked up at him, completely surprised he’d ask me such a question. “What kind of question is that?” I asked him.

“A reasonable one,” he said looking away.

I made him face me. “Ryan,” I said, looking into his eyes. “When did I ever not?” I asked him.

“I don’t know, maybe it faded or something. Maybe you got tired of me? Maybe you realized I’m not good enough for you? Maybe you realized that I’m -,” he started blubbering.

“Ryan,” I tried to stop him.

“Maybe you want somebody that wouldn’t hurt you, maybe you-,” he went on.

“Ryan!” I chuckled. He finally looked at me. “Ryan, once you’ve gotten a taste of the best, nothing else is good enough for you,” I said. He frowned.

“See? I’m not good enough for you. I can’t give you the private life you want, I can’t-,” he started again.

“You’re not getting it, Ry,” I sighed. “You are the best thing that’s every happened to me, you are the best. Sure, I could go date a hot model, but he would never compare to you, because you’re you and nobody else can take that place.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because Ryan,” I sighed. “I love you and you only,” I smiled at him.

“You’re bullshitting me,” he said, looking down.

“Ryan, I wouldn’t bullshit about this kind of stuff,” I said as I pushed myself up, and planted my lips on top of his. “I love you, and I love you,” I mumbled as I pecked him one more time on the lips. “That’s all that matters,” I said. He grinned at me and kissed me again.

“Ah shit, you drive me crazy,” I felt him smile against my lips. “I’ve been waiting for those words all day,” he chuckled. “It’s nice to hear, you know?” he said to me.

“I know,” I said. I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“So, does this mean we can be sickeningly sweet and cheesy again?” he grinned cheekily at me.

“You’re the one that’s sickeningly sweet and cheesy,” I teased.

He frowned. “I am,” he mumbled. “You got me so whipped,” he pouted. “Why?!” he whined.

“Because,” I grinned as I pecked his lips.

“Because?”

“You loveee meee,” I sang.

“Don’t be too conceited,” he smiled at me.

“I’m not, I’m just stating the truth,” I smiled back.

He rolled his eyes as he pulled me closer, and cuddled with me until we both fell asleep.



The next morning, I woke up the same way. I was smiling. I felt alive. I opened my eyes, and there he was. The love of my life. The reason for my breath. My- Ugh! What’s wrong with me.

“Have I ever told you how much I love waking up to your face?” he asked, pulling me closer.

“A few times,” I chuckled.

“Have I ever told you how much I’d want to keep waking up to your face in the morning?” he asked.

“Numerous times,” I flashed my smile at him.

He groaned. “You’ll be the death of me,” he mumbled kissing my lips lightly.

“I know,” I mumbled. How ironic. He would be the death of me too.

“Marry me,” he said.

“Why not?” I smiled, my face buried in his neck.

“No, I’m serious,” he said. I pulled away from him slightly and looked up at his face, dead serious.