I Can't Stay Away

As the days went on I tried to ignore Jon as much as I could. I went to the same clubs but never met any guys who interested me. I kept talking to Gerard, the guy I had met at the bar, and he and I were definitely beginning to become great friends but other than that life had become pretty dull compared to Warped Tour. Although I did get a new job at a coffee shop in Beverly Hills which definitely got more tips than the usual coffee shop.

Finally it was the day Warped tour came back into California. I was excited and scared for this day. I walked up to will call and picked up my passes that Kyle left me, then walked into the venue and automatically saw Jon which was one of the things I dreaded about this day. “Hey thanks for not calling me ever.” Jon said, he was upset and I tried to ignore it and just keep walking “I mean really though? Was what I did for you not good enough? And you ignore most of my texts what do you have against me?” This teenager who knew his band stood next to him probably trying to buy a cd and she looked completely confused it wasn’t like Jon.

“Jon do we really have to talk about this right now I need to be somewhere.” I said trying to walk past him.

“Kennedy can’t you just love me?” he said quietly as he came close to me.

“Jon it isn’t easy to do anymore you ruined that.” I said walking away before I heard him begin to yell.

“You sure liked me in your bed!” He yelled too loudly it was embarrassing but I tried not to let it get to me as I kept walking but things people say to me always get to me whether I want them to or not.

I ignored it for now and walked to where the buses were I saw Bring Me The Horizon’s bus before I found Breathe’s bus and I decided it would be nice to see Oliver. I knocked on the door and he answered “Oh my fucking God its Kennedy!” he got so excited he jumped off the bus and hugged me “I missed you Kennedy why’d you have to leave?”

“I’m sorry Ollie, I just was having some issues has anything new happened while I was gone?” I asked I missed these people

“Nothing too interesting, I met this girl.” I oo’ed at him and laughed “I know right Oliver Sykes met a girl and likes her.” I laughed at him and left after a bit longer of talking with him.
I then ventured to find Breathe’s bus stoked to see everyone except Eric I wasn’t even sure how I was supposed to act around him. I walked up to the bus put in the pin code and walked in “I hope I’m not interrupting anything” I said as they watched boring snowboarding videos.

“Kenny!” everyone yelled and I remembered how much I truly missed them.
“Everyone missed you like crazy Kenny, they got mad at me for letting you go.” Kyle said it made me feel good about myself.

“You should have never left we’ve been going crazy we need a girl on the bus to keep us sane… and clean.” Sauce said, I looked around and it was a complete mess, there were boxes everywhere, and you couldn’t even sit at the table.

“You are such boys.” I laughed as I saw Eric sitting there quietly “So when did Eric become unsocial?” I said as everyone awkwardly looked at him.

“He’s been like that since he woke up which sucks because we’re in California plus you’re here so I’m sure we’ll chill.” Sauce answered.

“I love that you’re talking about me like I’m not here, I’m just having an odd day don’t fucking criticize at least I’m not leaving the fucking tour because of it.” It was a low blow and everyone could tell.

“I think I should go watch a band or something I just don’t think I should be here.” I said upset that Eric was being a fucktard about everything when in reality he’s the one who hurt me.

“Well if Eric’s ruining the fun lets all leave and chill.” David said I shook my head

“No, no it’s cool I’ll just go out there alone you guys have to rest and stuff it’s too hot to hangout outside.” I said I didn’t want them to leave because Eric was their best friend before I was.

I slowly walked back out of the bus, I was out and a few feet away before I heard the door open from behind me. I looked back to see Eric.

“Wait up Kennedy.” He said, oh so now he’s being cool?

“You’re going to be friend now?” I was upset.

“The boys told me to apologize.” He started to say.

“I don’t want some fake apology so I’d rather you just walk away.” He was pissing me off like crazy.

“Kennedy cool you shit, sorry I’m being ‘anti-social’ I mean you act like I should be all joyous you’re back when the last time I talked to you we didn’t leave off on good terms and then you fucking bailed before I could even try to fix what I fucked up.” He was stressing about something.

“Eric you didn’t need to fix anything you got your thoughts and opinions out. We’re fine now as friends. We had nothing to mess up in the first place so there couldn’t be anything to fix.” I began walking away again.

“Please let me buy you a drink or something anything to make up for me being dumb.”

“I’m not one who can be bought off, plus drinks here are expensive just let me be Eric.” He looked like a scared puppy I felt bad but I couldn’t do it I still liked him as much as I was trying to deny it. I walked away and I could hear him following me.

“So now you want me to be here?! You sure weren’t very excited on the bus, so don’t pretend you are now.” He had to be bipolar or something.

“I was trying to pretend like I was fine when truth is I miss you.” I was about to punch this kid in the face.

“Really?! You ‘miss me you sure have a fucked way of Showing it for one you didn’t ever text me or call me and your attitude today was just horrible.” He kissed me “Eric really?” I said as he pulled away. Ever since warped tour there wasn’t a day I didn’t think about him and this definitely wasn’t going to help. He looked at me with a ‘what?’ look “Did you really think this was necessary? Kissing people you aren’t with is bad for you, trust me I know.”
“Well if you say you do it then why can’t I?” he asked

“Cause it isn’t actually as fun as it seems especially when one of the two likes the person, because it crushes them to know they can’t have that.” He understood me and I felt ridiculous and he backed off slightly.

“I’m still going to buy you a water or something.” He smiled as did I, he was adorable. We were on our way to get a drink when we ran into Jon

“Is this the reason you never called me back after the other night?” Jon said rudely. I didn’t know what to say and Eric just looked at me disapproving of it obviously

“No it isn’t and if you would like to know the real reason I will tell you in front of everyone.” He shook his head and asked if we could talk later.

“So you and Jon… again.” Eric said after Jon had left

“I don’t like him.” I said “He flew back to California with me and I hooked up with him once to see if my feelings would come back, they didn’t though mainly because there’s this one person who I just can’t get over.” I smiled looking at him. He looked upset though which made me confused.

“Kennedy I’m sorry.” He said apologetically.

“Why?” I was so confused with this kid.

“Just accept it, I’m sorry for fucking shit up.” I could tell he felt awkward. “Here buy yourself a drink I have to get ready for my set.” He said handing me money and walking away. I was now standing alone in the middle of warped tour, confused, hungry, and tired of dealing with boys. Eric was really good at confusing me that’s all I knew.

I started heading over to Breathe’s merch booth to hang out with TastE until Breathe’s set. I went back stage to watch them and it was the only time I got to see them all tour since I was always doing their merch. I stood near the drums laughing at Eric’s hair flopping around as he drummed. They put on an amazing show I always loved watching them perform.
Eric saw m at the end of the set and gave me an upset look before walking around me. I was getting pissed that he was just ignoring me.

“Hey whatever happened between Eric and you, you two need to get it settled because I don’t want him to be like this every time you come to one of our shows plus it’s just weird seeing Eric like this.” David said and I sighed as he gave me a good luck before he walked off.
I walked off the stage to find Eric I could feel my heart beating like a drum I didn’t want to settle things with Eric because yeah I didn’t like constant fights but I was also not wanting him to say he didn’t want me. I finally found him in line at catering.

“Eric!” I yelled trying to get his attention.

“Kennedy I can’t” He said.

“What can’t you do? You aren’t very clear in anything you’re saying but you’re pretty good at confusing me. I’ve laid my feelings on the line and you’ve just ran away.” I frankly said.
“I fucked everything up there is no use trying to do anything I’ll just ruin it.”

“Are you kidding Eric I ruined it I wasn’t ready for anything and yet I still pushed for something I thought I needed, but right now I’m not pressuring for anything I just want us to resolve this we don’t have to be friends I just want you to not be a jerk when I go to your shows I think everyone in the band would be happy about it.”

“Fine we’ll be civil.” He said

“Just answer me this, do you like me? Did you like me?” he didn’t say anything so I just walked away. I went to BC’s bus and told them I was leaving early they all complained I was leaving and that I wasn’t going out with them tonight. I drove back home and Bree was gone, probably at work I didn’t want to be alone I hated it. I called up Gerard from the bar and he told me he’d come over.

Gerard and I drank beers and he let me sulk about Eric. I’m sure guys didn’t enjoy watching a girl sulk about another boy but he was okay with it. The doorbell rang at about 9:30 that night as we were watching some lame action movie that had more special effects than a story line. Gerard got up to answer it since it looked like I wasn’t going to get up anytime soon.

“Hey uh is Kennedy here?” I heard Kyle behind the door.

“Yeah but who are you?” Gerard asked he was being protective.

“Let him in its fine!” I yelled from the couch Kyle strolled in and sat down on the couch across from me.

“Kenny are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” he asked

“Just tell Eric to get his shit together and figure out what he wants instead of confusing the poor girl.”

“I’m sorry do I know you?” Kyle asked legitimately confused I then introduced them before asking Kyle why he was there. “Kenny you’re my best friend I wanted to make sure you were okay you left in such a hurry.” He sighed “We want you to still go out with us tonight, all your friends from tour are going because they think you’re going to be there.” I sighed I just wasn’t feeling it anymore but being wasted sounded like a fun thought at the moment so I agreed as long as Gerard could come. We all hopped in my car since Kyle took a cab to my house and we drove to Angels and Kings LA.

When we walked in I recognized a good amount of the people there. Breathe was there of course along with Pierce the Veil, some of Bring Me The Horizon, VersaEmerge, Taylor Momsen and a few other bands I became friends with on tour. It was a good feeling to have amazing friends like these people. Oliver pulled me over right away and introduced me to the new girl in his life, I let her know how lucky she was and wished them luck. I wasn’t sure what to do exactly so I went to the bar, sadly Gerard was M.I.A. I sat down at the bar and before I knew it Eric sat next to me.

“So are you having fun?” he asked

“Not anymore.” I said “Why do you have to do this stop pretending to be nice to me you’re done with me so leave me alone to get over you.”

“Kenny I want us to be friends though.” He whined

“That isn’t what a girl wants to hear and I don’t know if I can be your friend. I’m just saying that I can be civil towards you but I really wanted to try with you Eric and that wasn’t what you wanted so I’m done.”

“So that’s what you do, you just give up if you don’t get your way? You are such a fucking child.”

“Eric shit, just give me time I’m going to be friends with you right now I need to heal. Maybe in the future but who knows.” He sighed loudly and once I got the drink I ordered I walked away from him. I hung out with Pierce the Veil and a few other people for the rest of the night avoiding Eric completely. Other than me being an emotional mess on the inside the night seemed pretty enjoyable.