I Can't Stay Away

I did all my duties as merch kid and took an hour break to watch Bring Me the Horizon’s set and hung out with Ollie for awhile. He apologized for the kiss and of course blamed it on the alcohol. We then started talking about Eric; Ollie knew everything about Eric since he was now a part of my mess of a life.
“Maybe He’s Jealous?” he questioned
“Jealous? It would make sense but he would have to like me.” Which I figured he didn’t
“It makes a lot of sense I mean he flipped out when he saw Jon kiss you and when me and you walked out of the bus together he got aggressive.”
“Okay Dr. Phil thanks for your time.” I laughed at him
“Whatever avoid the truth if you want.”
“Eric doesn’t like me.” I said I guess I could have been avoiding it I never , ever thought anyone in BC would like me like that.
“Well I’m glad he doesn’t like you, it means less competition for me.” I chuckled, unsure if he was joking. After a bit longer of talking with him my break ended and I went back to the merch booth. The day was super long and boring but I was happy that Jon and Eric didn’t even try to talk to me but what Ollie said was stuck in my head. My summer was supposed to be drama free but I guess there is no real way to get away from drama. Kyle finally had some free time to hang out with me and I was super excited because it meant I could get away with not talking to Jon or Eric and I hoped my best friend Kyle could get my mind off things.
Kyle and I stayed on the bus while the other guys went to a parking lot party for the night. He grabbed us some beer from the fridge and we just started talking.
“So how have you been, you’ve been pretty distant since tour started what’s up with you?” he started with.
“I’m a walking stress ball the tour has been full of drama already and Eric’s being weird, I’m friends with Oliver Sykes now, and my ex-boyfriend is here every day. I’m just going crazy.”
“Eric has been acting weird I’ll admit that. And he talks about you a lot and says that he doesn’t trust Ollie and if Jon comes near you he doesn’t know what he’ll do. Eric may be little but he’s a scary mother fucker when he needs to be.”
“He needs to stop it’s my life and I don’t need him to fix it. They are my choices to make, if I got back with Jon or started seeing Ollie why should it matter to him?”
“Eric is just really overprotective especially of you lately; he’s doing my job better than me obviously. I mean I would have been the same way as him, of course I’d be a little less tense about it I just never knew you two were that close.”
“We aren’t! That’s why it’s so annoying.” Kyle rubbed my arm and told me everything would be okay he could tell I was upset.
“What’s worse is when one thing goes wrong I think of everything that already is wrong. And I mean is it bad that I miss Jon?” I asked I felt insane “He was one person who knew everything about me, he knows my thought processes, he was mine, and life was easier when I was his.”
“It isn’t bad to miss him Kennedy. You were with him for what three years right? I’m pretty sure it’s normal to miss him, Hell I’d miss him.” I didn’t want to miss him after all the shit he pulled on me, but I did and it made me hate myself.
“Don’t do anything stupid though Kenny, I’m just warning you. If you need to talk to anyone from now on just talk to me since obviously you can’t talk to Eric and no one is sure about Ollie since he usually has secret motives.” Kyle said and I nodded agreeing but what may be stupid in his head may not be stupid in mine. I suggested we go to the party for the night even though it was supposed to be our hang out night and he agreed seeing that it was what I wanted to do. I changed before I headed down. ( outfit )
The party seemed kind of laid back so I walked over to the food table and grabbed a soda instead of a beer since I already had a few back in the bus. I walked around looking for someone I knew and the first person I saw was Jon and he saw me.
“Hey Kenny, are you still mad at me?” he asked as he walked up to me.
“I don’t know do you want me to be?” and I knew I shouldn’t be talking to him.
“Do you really think I would want you to be mad at me?”
“Of course not Johnny,” I said smiling
“Is this possible? Kennedy, are you by any chance not mad at me? You would never call me Johnny if you were mad.” I laughed at him. “So does this mean you’re ready to admit you miss me?”
“Not if you’re going to be stuck up about it, but yea I do kind of miss you, but only if you still miss me.” He grimaced like a little kid who got a new toy and then hugged me so tightly I thought I was going to burst.
“So what does this mean? Are we going to get back together?” I couldn’t understand why he was so excited I wasn’t even excited I felt more like an idiot. I didn’t want to miss him but he was there and he already knew me I didn’t have to work on getting the relationship started everything for the most part would go back to normal.
“Sure if you want, just promise me one thing?”
“Anything,” He said happy about the situation.
“Can we maybe keep it a secret, it’s kind of embarrassing plus if anyone in Breathe found out they’ll kill me.”
“What the fuck why would they kill you?” He seemed upset about this.
“Breathe would kill you because they know how our relationship went down and they don’t trust you.”
“Well Kenny, you should have never fucking told them anything, nothing is as bad as you make it seem.” He said sternly he didn’t seem happy to have me anymore. And I stood there emotionless the whole time.
“Jon, I have been upset I needed to talk to people so don’t be rude don’t make me regret wanting you back.” Even though I already did regret it he scared me and I didn’t want things to go like they used to. I faked a smile and he hugged me. Life could be a lot simpler now right?
“Let’s go back to my van yea?” He suggested as he jerked his head in the direction of his van. I knew exactly what he wanted and I knew that I didn’t.
“I don’t think so Jon, I don’t think I want to this isn’t the right time.”
“Of course it’s the right time, it’s never the wrong time for make-up sex.” He said grabbing my arm tightly and pulling me away with him. I didn’t resist to leave there was no use in it; he would get what he wanted one way or another.
We had a quickie in the back of the van and then Jon kicked me out without even saying bye or offering to walk me back to the bus or even the party. I felt used, what’s worse is I was used for sex it didn’t feel right. It just felt awkward and wrong I felt disgusted with myself. I walked back to what I thought was an empty bus. I climbed into my bunk popped my ear buds in and started quietly sobbing. I fell asleep until I heard all the Breathe guys walk in obnoxiously loud. I was about to get out of my bunk and pretend I was feeling alright when I heard Eric speak up.
“You guys quiet down Kennedy finally fell asleep, and I don’t know why but she was crying when she got in. I didn’t want to bother her and I don’t think she needs to be woken up.” He said which put a smile on my face. I know I hate his caring but this was just what I needed. I heard someone going to their bunk I looked out of my bunk curtain and I saw Eric so I threw my arm out to stop him.
“Thank you Eric, that was really nice of you.” I said quietly.
“Yea it’s whatever don’t worry about it I’m getting the boys out for a smoke sesh, try to fall asleep before we get back and I’ll try to keep them quiet.” I thanked him again before he left.