I Can't Stay Away

When I woke up the next morning I didn’t get the usual excited greetings I would normally get when I walked into the front of the bus. It actually got quieter when I walked in there. “Is this high school or something? You got all quiet when I walked in, why? Were you talking about me, being little gossip queens?” I asked and none of them answered which meant I was probably right.
“Kyle can I talk to you in private please?” I said singling him out and pulling him into the back lounge. “Kyle why is everyone being so weird about me, I didn’t do anything wrong except believe something that wasn’t true.” I said tears slowly budging over my eyes everything was breaking down in my mind “I just can’t have my best friends hating me I need Someone on this tour to be here for me.” Kyle embraced me in a hug, his hugs could always make you feel better.
“I’m sorry Kenny, and I’m glad you see it’s a lie now. Eric is just really upset.”
“But why?! I get that he’s one of my best friends and knows the whole situation but he has absolutely no reason to be mad.”
“I really wish you weren’t so blinded.” There goes that word again I was getting fed up.
“I’m sick of you guys telling me that!” I said storming out and off the bus I walked around until I saw Ollie’s bus my eyes were still wet from tears and I looked like a wreck. I took up my courage hoping he wouldn’t hate me too and knocked on his door.
“You look terrible love, what’s wrong?” were the first words from his mouth as he let me onto the bus.
“I don’t even know what’s wrong no one will tell me everyone is just mad at me and telling me I’m blind and I’m losing my best friends and I hate my boyfriend and I just don’t want to go back to the bus where I’ll just be judged.” I said hysterically as more tears ran down my face I wasn’t sure how he would process all the information I just spewed
“You’re a wreck, how did I get involved with this?” He joked before he sat me down on the couch and handed me a beer. I took a sip of the bitter beer and then set it down before I laid down on the couch to cry some more. Once I finally calmed down I looked over at Ollie who was staring at me wide eyed.
“I’m sorry I’m just not sure what to do I’m not used to helping people with problems. I want to help though I swear.” I smiled at him I felt bad that I came to him like this.
“I’m sorry everything has been making me upset lately and I’m sick of crying.” I sighed loudly “Why is my boyfriend such an ass he’s the cause of all of this, whenever I’m with him I’m an emotional wreck.”
“Wait what boyfriend?” Shit, I messed up but I was over covering it up.
“Jon and I got back together. Yeaup I know I’m an idiot.” I said ashamed
“Are you serious? Why would you even want to do that? I mean what’s wrong with you?”
“I thought everything was going to be easier after I got with him but it’s been worse but I just can’t break up with him.”
“Why can’t you I don’t understand” he looked so confused.
“I’m scared of him truthfully scared.”
“Kenny you’ve got a bunch of people who’ve got your back we won’t let you get hurt.”
“I don’t think I have that anymore, none of my friends are good with me right now.” He hugged me.
“Doll, I know it’s probably a bad time to ask but would you like to smoke I’m sure it will make you feel somewhat better. I agreed, it sounded like a lovely idea, altering my mind. I wasn’t used to smoking with just one person though I was always used to the large group. We shared a joint and sat there for a second in silence before he leaned over and kissed me.
“What the fuck are you doing?!” I said pulling away and standing up. “Do you really think I need another guy in my life to think about?! Do you really think this is the right time. Jesus, I should have never come here and I thought you cared fuck that.” I said walking towards the front of the bus.
“You really want to go back to your bus? BC hates you, remember? And I know you don’t want to see Jon, what choices do you honestly have here?” he looked at me coldly I’m sure he wasn’t used to getting denied.
“Are you really like this? Is this the real you, were you just pretending to be nice before?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about I’ve been the same person this whole time.” No he hadn’t and it hurt to deal with this.
“Ollie BC may hate me but even though they ignore me they aren’t as much of a prick as you.” I continued to walk out before he grabbed my arm.
“If you’re going to be a bitch give me money, weed isn’t free sweetie.” I was about to bitch slap his ass.
“What the fuck do you want from me!? Want me to kiss you? Yea is that what you want fine!” I said hysterically before kissing him “Just, it doesn’t mean anything! It doesn’t mean anything with Jon either” I yelled finally getting off the bus for once I wasn’t crying I was holding all my feelings in. What I said was true kissing him was nothing and it was the same with Jon. The last person I kissed where it felt semi right was Eric, the last person I expected to pop into my head.
Ollie then tried to hug me, he was super bipolar “Ollie you need to back the fuck up call me when you’re not a dickhead.” I walked away and had nowhere to go but decided to go to BC’s bus even though they hated me. Thankfully no one was on the bus so I broke down screaming, not crying just screaming. And even though I was already high I needed more I needed to be calm I needed something sane. I got up and went straight to Eric’s bunk and started looking for his stash and I couldn’t find it after looking everywhere when Eric walked in, of all people it had to be him.
“What the fuck are you doing Kenny?!” He yelled at me.
“I’m looking for something” I said as my horrible attempt as an excuse
“In my bunk? What could you possibly be looking for in there?” he was mad and confused.
“Fuck I just wanna smoke, I want to chill and forget the world.” I was acting like a retard.
“Kenny you look and smell like you’ve already smoked today, I don’t think you need anymore. Plus I’m mad because I told you to never smoke with anyone other than me. God you are slowly making me resent you it’s getting ridiculous.” He said seriously
“Why does it matter if I smoke with anyone with anyone else? I don’t understand you!”
“Kenny I only want you to smoke with me because I care about keeping you safe no one else does that’s why. You still don’t understand it but fuck Kennedy you’re fucking stupid you don’t catch anything do you?” It did make sense about the weed thing Ollie obviously didn’t care about me, but why did Eric care.
“Why do you care?” I said I was completely over the matter
“God I’m sick of you being such a dumbass Kenny maybe I should just tell you.” He paused thinking over the decision. “Kennedy, I like you… or I guess as of right now liked you. You just piss me off right now.” It all made sense now and I think I like him too but I screwed up and now he hates me.
“I-I don’t know what to say.” I said quietly as I slid down to the floor. “Eric I’m sorry I was brainwashed I thought my life would be simple again if I gave into Jon and got back with him, I’m crazy because I could have had someone so much better.” I didn’t cry, I wasn’t sure I could cry anymore.
“You’re with Jon!? Ugh you’re such a fucking dependant slut, fuck my no drama rule I don’t need to be your friend to know who you are.”
“Eric please just reason with me, I am emotionally unstable what was I supposed to do I was with Jon for 3 years wouldn’t you get used to a relationship after that long?”
“Yes but I’d know after all he’d done that it wouldn’t be right to go back to him.” He sighed “I’m sorry I’m getting so mad I think I’ll just go, it’s your life.”
“Don’t leave me this way.” I sat up straight “I need you to yell at me I need someone to talk some kind of sense into me and I can at least listen to you.” He came and sat down next to me wrapping his boney arms around me.
“Why is it I can never stay mad at you?” he asked looking into my eyes.
“I don’t know but you should be.” I paused “I haven’t broken up with Jon yet but I just – I’m scared of him he’s an insane freak and I don’t know how I would even go about breaking up with him without getting hurt.” I felt so weak
“If he touches one hair on your head I’ll kill him. I can’t stand seeing you hurt and you’ve been hurt all tour and I’m sick of it for you.” He rubbed my arm.
“I just need someone with me when I do it or it won’t work I’ll just back down I can’t face him.”
“I’ll go with you if you want me to.” he said letting go of me to see my reaction.
“As much as I wish I could bring you with me Jon despises you, and he’s still pissed about the matching tattoo’s and well he knows I cheated on him, he doesn’t know it was you but I think he could guess pretty easily.” He stared wide eyed before a light bulb went off in his head.
“Kennedy how amazing would it be to get back at him like that? Like you could make him jealous and break up with him at the same time.” Eric said evilly
“Eric that’s horrible.” I said I didn’t like doing things to spite someone.
“Not half as horrible as what he’s done to you but you’re going to have to stay with him for a little while longer. I think it will work perfectly.” As mean as it seemed like a cool idea and I was definitely down for it.
“We’ll start tomorrow bring your clothes on the bus we need to find a super slutty outfit to wear tomorrow.” I was worried about this whole thing but I was excited to do something with Eric.