I Forgot to Remember to Forget

Chapter 4
We kissed for what seemed like forever and then we just held each other right there in the hall way. He looked down at me “you want to get out of here?” I shook my head yes and with that we left arms wrapped around each other just like old times.

When we got out to the car he opened the door for me and we drove back to my house, to our house. It felt like everything was being pulled together again but I knew we still needed to talk. He grabbed my hand and led me up to our room closing the door behind us.
From there we started to kiss again only this time with more passion and with in a matter of minutes he was on top of me his hands exploring my body almost like it was the first time. All these emotions were building up inside me, I was sad and I was happy at the same time. I didn’t have time to focus on those feelings right now because he was making me feel something that required my full attention. He knew just where to kiss me and before I knew it I was moaning and calling his name “tttyyyyy”

The next morning…..

I woke up hoping that when I rolled over he would still be there. He was but the question still remained was he still mine. I laid there thinking about it for hours before he even moved and inch. Was he still mine? He’s here but why? I replayed last nights events in my head and that made me jump to even more conclusions; was last night make up sex or break up sex? Before I had time to cry he rolled over and said “morning” smiling at me. I smiled back not trusting myself to speak.

Sitting up he said “what’s wrong?’ I shook my head. “rye-bread talk to me.”
It felt nice to hear him call me that.
“What was last night?”
“what you mean?”
“we cried together and had sex together but was it us making up or-” he cut me off
“breaking up”
I looked down “is that your answer?”
“yes. No. I don’t know.”
I started crying
“Mariah you know I love you and I want to marry you but its like you said last night to Wayne your not ready and you don’t want to settle and I don’t want you to. Maybe your not ready to marry me because I’m not the one you should marry. I think maybe its best if we spend sometime apart. You do you and ill do me then when your ready to be my wife or ready to just be my friend you let me know, okay?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It meant that last night was nothing really because it put me back at square 1 only with twice as much pain and only another memory that would cause pain. I didn’t know what to say to him so I just got up and walked to the bathroom locking the door behind me.
I slid down on the floor and cried a little more. It took me a while but I picked as many pieces of my heart off the floor as I could and put myself back together, well together enough to present myself. I washed my face and brushed my teeth the looked at myself in the mirror reminding myself everything would be okay, everything happens for a reason.

When I came out of the bathroom there were boxes and luggage all over the bedroom. Tyga was sitting on the bed his back facing me. “you remember this?” I walked closer to see that he had an old photo album in his hand. “yeah that was my first time in Paris, my first time seeing the Eiffel tower. It was also the first time you told me you loved me.” he turned the page still not looking at me. “this ones my favorite” he said pointing to a picture of us at Wayne’s house on Christmas kissing under the mistletoe. “I like that one too.” I was now setting next to him on the bed he grabbed my hand and squeezed it tight then kissed it before looking up at me. “you’re leaving, aren’t you?” he didn’t answer. fighting the tears I got up to walk away not knowing what else to do, but before I could get to far he grabbed my arm.
“don’t make it any harder than what it already is Mariah, please.”

“how am I making this harder? It’s actually quite simple Michael you don’t have to leave. You could stay and things could go right back to the way they were.”

“No I cant. I cant stay. You said no and in that moment my heart shattered because you saying no to my proposal was you saying no to our future.”

“that’s not what it was. I want to be with you. I want a future with us, to have your kids, fight with you, make up then fight again all leading to growing old with you. We can still have a future-”

He cut me off “ no we cant, you said no.”
Tears were welling up in his eyes and I could see the frustration he had.

“I didn’t say no I said I cant. Not now, I’m not ready. Someday though maybe. I just don’t understand why we cant meet in the middle on this. Just be together now and let the future be undecided. Live in the moment taking it one day at a time.”

“no I cant. We cant you said no and with that there is no future for us”

“your making me choose marriage or it’s over. W-w-we’re over.”

“yeah I guess I am. It may seem like a lot to ask but really its not riah. I’m asking you to be mine always or not at all.”

“I’m not ready to be married but I don’t want you to leave either.”

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks. I closed my eyes as he raised his hand to wipe them away. He put one hand on each side of my face and kissed me hard but soft at the same time tears escaping both of us. As he got up he whispered “I love you” in my ear. He left with all his stuff and he didn’t even look back, not even once.