Noise and Kisses

Early the next morning, Nate woke me. The boys were playing a show. Hazel had made us pancakes and the three of us sat down and ate together. I quickly chucked some clothes on –yellow skinnies and a black t-shirt. We walked to the “Merch Site” and opened our tent. The day was slow, hot and very boring. Hazel and I chatted lazily whilst Nate took on the role of serving the customers. The conversation took an interesting turn when Hazel and I went to a mini food van to pick some lunch up. While we were walking there she took in a deep breath and blurted out, “So, I like Bert.”
I looked and her and grinned, “I sort of could tell. I think he likes you too.”
Her eyes widened, “I hope so.”
I nodded, “Yeah, well tell him how you feel.”
“You think?” she asked.
“Definitely.”
“And you would do the same?” she continued.
I slowed slightly, “Uh, sure I guess.”
She grinned at me, “So when are you gonna tell Quinn?”
I stopped walking and laughed nervously, without answering her. I hoped she was just kidding.
“C’mon Thalia. I told you something. It’s okay to tell me,” she finished.
I frowned, “What do you mean? I don’t know.”
She smiled, “Well I think you like him. I think he likes you.”
My eye brow raised, “Okay.”
She rolled her eyes, “Don’t be such a boy! Tell me how you feel! What’s going on in your mind? Admit it! You like him.”
I sighed, “Hazel. I don’t know how I feel. I have this complex, like I can never tell how I feel with boys. I get really scared when they start to reciprocate my initial feelings. I just suck at relationships.” I laughed to lighten the mood, “Okay? Drop it.”
She rolled her eyes, again, “Alright,” she said in a sing-song voice, “But I’m here when you want to finally admit it to someone.”
Ignoring her I asked the man at the van, which we had finally reached, for some food and handed him the cash. We walked back to the Merch tent in comfortable silence as she nibbled on her food. I slowly slipped some water in the heat. I felt a tap at my back and turned around to meet the warm eyes of Micheline. Today her aqua curls were pinned loosely into a bun and she wore a high-wasted red skirt and a little white sailor top. Her lips were shiny-red and she had “cat” eye liner like mine.
“Hello,” she said as she pecked my cheek, “How have you been?”
“I’m good,” I smiled, “And yourself?”
“Wonderful,” she responded.
I introduced her to Hazel, and after a little exchange, Hazel politely slipped away.
Micheline turned her eyes back to me, “So, there’s a party tonight.”
I nodded in response.
She smiled, “Yes, and well I was wondering whether you wanted to come. Most of the bands will be there – The Used definitely will.”
I was surprised at her offer, “Oh, well sure! Thankyou.”
She smacked her lips as she grinned, “No problem. It’s at 9pm, ask one of your band mates where. It’s kind of a selected group – so you can’t bring anyone.”
I nodded, “Well thank you for inviting me then.”
“Well I wanna hang out, and you should meet Hannah and stuff.”
“Oh great, I’m excited.”
She laughed, “Me too. I have to figure out what to wear, so I better go.”
I frowned, confused, “The parties hours away. How long do you need to get ready?” I laughed.
“A long time, honey,” she responded. Then, she pecked my cheek and flitted away again.

I was the last one to pack the merchandise tent away that afternoon. Hazel and Nate had gone off together, because it was their turn to finish early. They decided to go watch a couple of shows and I told them to look out for my brother’s band. I felt a bit guilty, I hadn’t seen Matt in days and he was the one that brought me on this trip. I’d have to go find him tomorrow and see how he is going. It was around 7pm when I finally got back to the bus. It was empty. I assumed everyone was off seeing shows or getting some dinner. It was our final night in this place, tomorrow all the buses were hitting the road to our next venue. I was super excited. After I had a shower, I slipped into some fresh clothes. I wore a high-wasted grey skirt that was loose and a black and red top. I also slipped some stockings and black Doc Martins on. I began on my hair, making it loosely curled. I decided on black, grey and white for my eye makeup – basically just the ‘smoky grey’ look. I grabbed all my cosmetic bags and my pile of clothes from the day and dumped them onto my bed. I was sorting through my suitcase, trying to be tidier, when I heard the door of the bus open. I recognized the voices as Jeph and Quinn.
“Hello?” Jeph called out.
I stood up and walked out to the main living room area of the bus.
Jeph woof whistled as he saw me, “Wow Thalia, you look badass,” he laughed.
Quinn had one eye brow raised, but said nothing as he looked me over.
“Thanks,” I said shyly.
“Where are you going?” Quinn frowned at me, “Dressed like that,” he gestured towards me.
“To a party.”
“What party?” he continued.
“A party tonight.”
“Who with?” he persisted.
“I don’t know,” I said casually.
“Well, who invited you?”
“Micheline.”
Jeph looked surprised and cut in, “You know Miche?”
I nodded.
Quinn smiled, “Oh that party, well, we’re going too,” he said proudly.
“Okay, well you guys can take me,” I grinned.
“I don’t know…there’ll be a lot of people there…lots of guys, I don’t know,” Quinn mumbled.
I laughed, “I can look after myself, Mom.”
“I’ll look out for you too, while we’re there.”
I shook my head, “Whatever Quinn.”
“Alright, I’ll leave you to little love birds to bicker while I get ready,” Jeph said.
I opened my mouth to shoot back a retort but found myself blushing and awkward.
Quinn was casual and cool, as always, and snickered at Jeph.
Ignoring my red cheeks I turned back to Quinn and asked, “Are you ready?”
Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he nodded slowly.
“What’s so great about this party?” I quizzed.
He shrugged, “Micheline’s group is known for throwing good parties. Booze, lots of people, good music, etc. And I suppose because they are always the last party before we move somewhere new.”
“Are you excited to be moving tomorrow?”
“Sort of, I suppose. It will be a good chance to just chill around on the buses tomorrow.”
Jeph interrupted us, “I’m ready.”
“That was quick,” I smiled at him.
“Yepp, let’s go,” Quinn said grabbing my hand and spinning me back around to face him instead of Jeph. He pulled me out the door of the bus and we started walking. I thought I could hear Jeph softly chuckle under his breath as Quinn and I walked ahead of him together.
When we arrived at the party I immediately thought back to Micheline’s words, “It’s kind of a select group.” The party was held on one of the stages and people were also spilling down into the mosh pit area. There were heaps of people – which really did not match up to what I was imagining the ‘party’ to be like. When she said select – I thought of a little gathering. But this was full blown.
Quinn’s lips were down near my ear and he was holding me from behind, “See what I mean? The reputation for great parties.”
I just nodded, still slightly shocked.
I spun around in his arms, so he was holding me around my waist and I was looking up at him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his voice full of concern.
I smiled softly; he was sweet when he wanted to be. “No, nothing, I’m just expected something much smaller.”
He nodded, “Yeah they always start off little and then get pretty out of hand.”
I noticed that Jeph was nowhere to be seen. And I also noticed that I was still in this cozy little stance with Quinn. Embarrassed, I subtly swayed out of his grip and said to him, “I’m going to go find Micheline or my brother.”
He looked slightly baffled, “Uh-oh sure, yepp.”
I walked away from Quinn and as I looked around, my thoughts were spinning out of control. ‘You always get like this Thalia!’ I thought to myself, ‘Whenever someone is interested or you like someone you always get to a point when you freak out. Seriously, you have commitment issues!’
To stop my thoughts rambling I decided to get a drink into me. I saw a drink stand and downed two shots and grabbed myself a cruiser to drink on the way. As I looked up from the drinks, I saw a familiar shaggy brown haired guy chatting up a blonde girl.
I shook my head and walked up to Matt, tapping him on the shoulder. The girl, who was dressed in a mini silver dress, did not look impressed with me. I grinned at him as he turned around.
He seemed really happy, “Oh man! Thalia!” he said and lifted me up off the ground slightly as he hugged me. The girl clucked her tongue in annoyance, “Hi, I’m Sarah,” she said to me with attitude.
I smiled at her warmly, letting her know I wasn’t a threat, “I’m Thalia, Matt’s sister.”
She seemed to appreciate this news a lot, “Oh,” she laughed, “Oh okay. Great!”
He whispered something in her ear and she nodded. Before walking off, she pecked him on the cheek and he finally turned his attention back to me.
“So how’s it going?” I asked excitedly.
“So great! Beyond great actually,” he nodded.
“I’m so proud of you Matt,” I said hugging him again.
He was shy and touched, I could tell. “Thanks,” he continued changing the subject, “Hey I haven’t seen you in like a week now,” he said. “Have you been okay? Is that band treating you right?”
I smiled and nodded, “It’s so great and fun. The band and the people I’m working with are nice too.”
He frowned, “Yeah, well if they weren’t they’d be talking to me.”
I laughed at him trying to be brotherly, “Yeah yeah.”
“Have you got your eye on anyone,” he said wiggling his eyebrows and becoming the goofy Matthew that I knew.
I laughed again, now feeling those shots coming into play, “Oh, I don’t know. You know how I am with all that stuff.”
He took a sip of his beer and nodded, “Yeah, I know. Freak out and back out, right?”
I rolled my eyes and took a few gulps of my cruiser, “Sounds about right.”
“I don’t get it sis, what’s there to be afraid of? I mean, if you like someone, then you should go for it.”
I sighed, “I know. It’s just I’m scared that suddenly they won’t like me, once they know the real me. And I hate going on dates. It’s awkward. It’s so much effort. I just…I don’t want to be rejected.”
“So what? You reject them instead?”
“Matt! Can we not have a counseling session right now?” I laughed.
“Ah! Okay okay, sorry Thal. So are you gonna come and see me play soon?” he asked changing the subject.
I bounced on my toes, “Yes! When are you playing next?”
“Well tomorrow we’re travelling so I think the first day at our new venue we will play.”
The girl that Matt was flirting with before was now back, standing at his side.
“Okay, well I’m gonna go, I’ll see you around.”
He leaned forward and briefly hugged me, before turning his attention back to the blonde.
“By little sis,” he called as I walked away.
I had finished off my drink and grabbed at beer from one of the dozen coolers which were laid out under a tent. It was dark but the stage was lit and even some strobe lights were on as well. Down on the grassy mosh pit, where I was, there were little outdoor lamps. I also could tell, even though I wasn’t close to it, that there was a bonfire lit somewhere in the middle of all this partying chaos. I was sipping on my drink when someone tapped me on the shoulder.
I spun around, getting a hit of déjà vu, and found myself face to face with Micheline.
Her hair was out and she wore a simple black dress, “You came!” she said, as she hugged me I could smell a mix of alcohol, perfume and cigarettes.
“Of course,” I smiled, “And thanks for inviting me.”
She nodded, swaying her hair around her. A girl with long dark hair stood besides Micheline and hugged her from the side.
Micheline look happy, “Oh Thalia, this is Hannah Beth, by the way!” She said as an introduction.
Hannah was friendly and gave me a hug, commenting on my outfit and hair.
“You have such cool clothes,” she said excitedly.
“You both do as well!” I said equally as excited, I had finished off my 2nd drink and had downed another shot. I had a beer in hand now and Hannah, Micheline, Valentine, a few other guys and girls that I didn’t know and myself were sitting down on the grass in a little circle. We had split off into talking and I found that I took a strong liking to Hannah. She was funny and extremely smiley. A guy that had been watching her all night had finally succeeded in capturing her attention. They were deep in conversation. I heard a whisper in my ear which shook me out of my daze, “So, you’re Thalia, right?” The voice was deep and husky. I turned around and met a pair of grey-blue eyes. I recognized the face as a guy called Jimmy, one of Micheline’s “friend of a friend.”
I nodded, “and you’re Jimmy?” I asked.
He smiled, “Yes. May I say how beautiful you are,” he said it more like a statement then a request.
I smiled shyly, “Oh” and giggled.
We both sipped on beer and chatted, and eventually I found that Jimmy was sitting closer to me. His hands were wrapped around my waist, and although I was aware, I was getting to drunk to care.
“Hey do you wanna go get another drink or go for a walk?” he asked.
I shrugged; he seemed like a nice enough guy.
He helped me up and I wobbled a little bit. His hands again slipped around my waist and he helped me to walk. His fingers tickled my waist, but it didn’t make me relax like when Quinn did it. I felt strange, but I kept walking with him. We now stood next to a cooler, which was basically empty. There were a few chairs which were set up next the red bus we were standing next to. Jimmy took a step closer to me, “So Thalia.”
I was sucking on the top of my beer, trying to decide whether to drink more or stop.
“Yes?” I asked looking up at him.
He took another step closer, and leaned down. I realized he was making a move.
His lips roughly kissed mine and his hands were firmly around my waist. Acting surprisingly quickly for my intoxicated brain, my hands travelled fast up to his chest in an attempt to push him away. I made a noise to let him know to stop and started to push. Either he ignored me or thought it was an act of passion and continued to force himself on me. I finally was able to push him off. He released his mouth from mine and smiled down at me. Not a smile of adoration or sweetness but a horrible smile that made me uncomfortable. I realized that where Jimmy and I were standing was isolated from the party. This was not a good situation.
I tried to wriggling out of his grasp, “Jimmy! Stop!” I said.
His hands were rough and strong and I couldn’t get away because I was backed up against the red bus.
“Thalia you’re so beautiful and funny,” he said to me.
“Listen, I don’t want to do anything alright? I’m not into that. Please let me go.” I said firmly looking him in the eye.
He laughed, “I know you don’t mean that. I can see it in your eyes.”
“I’m serious,” I said louder and I noticed my voice had gone higher. I grabbed his hands and tried to rip them off me but his mouth was suddenly on mine again and I had to focus on getting him off.
“Stop!” I screamed, getting really worried and scared. His hands pinned mine to the bus and his strength was overpowering and painful.
I went to scream in an attempt to get help but he cut me off with his mouth. But then, one of those incredible moments happened – ones that you’ll always remember and be thankful for. His lips were ripped from mine and when I looked down Jimmy was scrambled on the ground. He yelled, “What the fuck?”
It was Quinn. He had punched Jimmy in the jaw. I couldn’t be more thankful.
Quinn looked outraged and was yelling at Jimmy, “No! What the fuck is wrong with you!? She was saying stop, you asshole. I could hear her screaming!”
Jimmy was standing again, “No man, that’s not what happened.”
Quinn punched Jimmy for the second time, sending him to the floor again. “Don’t tell me that’s not what happened. I saw it myself, you bastard. Get out of here! I’m reporting you to the Warped Mangers.”
Jimmy looked up at Quinn with wide eyes and bolted.
I collapsed into a heap on the ground. A mixture of shock and fear ran through me.
Quinn’s voice softened when he spoke and he walked carefully towards me.
“Are you okay? Can I come near you?” he asked.
I nodded, my cheeks were wet with tears.
His arms wrapped gently around my shoulders which were shaking. His touch was full of care and concern. His touch made me feel secure and protected again. My arms clutched at his shirt and we sat there together in silence. I cried while he softly stroked my hair.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I hiccupped, “Why are you sorry? You did nothing wrong.”
“I shouldn’t have let that happen. I said I’d look after you tonight,” he swore under his breath and continued, “But I couldn’t find you and I got panicked. I was worried. I’m sorry, I mean, what if I couldn’t find you?” he breathed out.
“You saved me, Quinn,” I looked up at his eyes, “Thank you.”
He frowned at me, “I’m sorry though.”
I brought my quivering finger to his lips to silence him, “Don’t say that. You saved me tonight Quinn. I’m beyond grateful. Don’t bash yourself up over it. You got to me,” I said.
He looked into my eyes as he nodded.
“Will you take me to the bus?” I asked.
He didn’t say a thing, he just slowly helped me stand and then deciding I was too shaken, he lifted me up into his arms. At first I protested, but then I realized he was right.
My arms wrapped around his neck and I closed my eyes. I listened to the steady beat of his heart and his feet against the ground. I savored the feeling of his arms around me and the feeling of his warm breath on the crown of my head.
He laid me gently in one of the bunk beds, his I guessed. My eyes were heavy and my cheeks were tight with dried tears. He took my shoes and jewelry off.
“Are you okay to sleep like this?” he asked.
I shook my head.
“What do you want then,” his voice was full of confusion.
“Take off the stockings please. It’s uncomfortable,” I mumbled incoherently.
He paused, and stumbled over his words, “Um-ok-uh. Ar-re you-uh sure?”
I nodded, “They are uncomfortable.”
His hands gently peeled the stockings off and a blanket was placed on top of me.
He coughed awkwardly, “Is that it?” I noted his voice was husky.
After all of that I could smirk at him, I opened my eyes too look at him, “No.”
He looked scared, “What now?”
“Can you sleep next to me tonight?” I asked.
He smiled weakly, “Yes.” He chucked his shoes off and removed his belt. He took his jeans off to reveal dark blue cotton boxers. He slipped into the bed with me, his feet giving warmth to my cold feet. He was taller than me and because of that my head fit perfectly on his chest.
“Is that better?” he asked.
I sighed, “Much better,” and I clutched at his shirt again and fell into a deep sleep.