Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say

After school Eli decided he should probably help me into my house just in case he needed to remind my dad what was the rules as to having me still being in the house. He’d kill someone if I ended up hurt like I had before and I knew Eli was no laughing matter when he was pissed. He would take my dad down if he had too. I smiled gently it was eerily quiet as we headed up towards the steps I looked toward Eli worried.

I noticed that my father’s car was missing from the drive way. I looked at Eli for a moment before opening the front door noticing that it was dead silent. Nothing was going on nothing was making a sound. That’s when I spotted a blood stained foot print on the carpet my heart began to slam against my chest as I looked to my best friend standing in the door way.

“MOM!” I screamed as I ran into the kitchen more blood but my mom was nowhere in sight. I ran back up to Eli before taking off up the stairs where I found bloody footprints leading away from my mother’s bed room door. I ran towards them even though Eli was shouting after me that it wasn’t a good idea and I needed to stop while I was ahead.

“Kylie! Let’s call the police! You don’t need to see whatever’s in there! You don’t know what you’ll find.” He called desperately trying to follow and stop me before I threw my mother’s door open. Throwing it open I ran inside there was blood everywhere more blood then I ever had seen before. I walked over to the bed.

“Mom?” I cried quietly as I reached the bed. I let out a blood curdling scream when I realized my mother WAS that mess of a body and blood on the bed. She’d been killed obviously by what I couldn’t tell she was so mutilated I couldn’t do anything but stand there and look at the mess on the bed tears pouring down my face my whole body shaking. I was going to pass out or collapse.

“Kylie!” Eli shouted as he entered the room shielding himself from the vision of the horrid body of my mother lying on the bed dead. He grabbed my arms firmly and dragged me out of the room he’d already called the police

“She’s…Dead…” I was frozen my whole body was still shaking and I felt like I was going to throw up I was crying so hard. I wasn’t sure what to think or what to feel at the moment all I could feel was numb. Eli’s arms were firmly wrapped around my waist to hold me up making sure that I didn’t faint as we waited for the cops.

“It’s going to be ok KY…I’m here. It’s alright.” He reassured me or well at least he was trying. It didn’t take long for the police to show up and want to talk to me but I couldn’t even get a word out. Every time I opened my mouth to speak the only thing that came out was ‘she’s dead’

“Do you know the last time she was seen alive?” The police officer was trying desperately to try and get answers out of me and all I could do was stare at him like a deer in the head lights as tears poured down my face. “Do you know where your father is?” That got a response out of me finally

“He killed her.” I slowly turned my head to look towards the officer. He seemed shocked that I finally said something besides what I had been repeating since he’d gotten here. He also wore a look of concern.

“How do you know he killed her?” He asked softly trying to make eye contact with me but I refused to look him in the eye I couldn’t look any one in the eye and I couldn’t see anything but my dead mother.

“He killed her, she’s dead.” I repeated and he let out a soft sigh before looking to Eli as if he was going to have any of the answers. Eli answered the questions he could, his arms still firmly around me keeping me close to his body as he explain what he could to the officers.

“I think I need to get her back to my house though officer, I’m afraid if we keep her standing much longer she’s going to pass out…” Eli’s gripped tightened around me as I could feel my knees wobble from under me.

“Alright son. Just tell me your address and you two can leave I’ll need to speak to both of you again…” Eli proceeded to tell the man his address before picking me up bridal style and walking back to his car setting me in the passenger side and climbing in the other side himself starting it and pulling out of my drive way.

“She’s dead…” I mumbled again looking down at my hands. I continued to repeat she’s dead I couldn’t say anything else. I didn’t know what else to say my mother was dead and my father had done it and somehow I blamed myself for it.

“Kylie, baby girl, snap out of it please.” I was caught off guard by the fact that he’d just called me baby girl and it kind of knocked me out of the shock I was in but only a little bit. I turned to look at him.

“I should have been home protecting her.” He looked relieved that I’d said something other than ‘she’s dead’ then he looked dismayed at what I’d said.

“He would have killed you too...” he said softly as he pulled up to his house walking around to the passenger side and pulling me out bridal style.

“maybe if he killed me he wouldn’t have wanted to kill my mom…People needed her and loved her…no one needs or loves me…” my fingers tangled themselves into Eli’s shirt.

“That’s not True kylie…” He was quiet as we entered his house and he set me on the couch looking at me desperately. “I love you and I need you…” I tilted my head up to face him tears still pouring down my face.

“It’s my fault.” I managed to choke out as I slowly released my grip on his shirt and curled up into the smallest ball possible my hands tangled in my own shirt as Eli stood up to go find his mother and talk to her.

“Just holler if you need me ok?” His voice was cautious as he put a lock on the front door so I couldn’t get out if I had tried but right now I didn’t want to. As soon as he’d walked out of sight I’d bawled up my fists into my hair pulling at the fiery red strands attached to my pounding scalp.

I couldn’t uncurl my fingers from my head. Even though it was pounding and my whole body was shaking. I was angry with myself, angry that I hadn’t gone home sooner, that I hadn’t been home when my mother needed me to protect her. What kind of a person was I? Just one that walked off and let someone else dies for my mistakes. I pulled harder at my hair tears streaming down my face my head throbbing.

“Kylie!” Eli and his mom came sprinting into the room. Eli was the first person to reach me he fell to his knees in front of me his hands finding their way to my arms rubbing what he could through the fabric of my hoodie.

“Stop pulling your hair sweetie, you’re going to make your head hurt worse.” Eli’s mom was trying desperately to sooth me. She slowly moved Eli out of the way and set her hands on top of mine which were still embedded in my hair.

“Mom go get her some aspirin for her head. I’ll keep talking to her.” Eli urged. His mother slowly looked at him for a moment and I could barely see them because my hair had fallen over my face but I could see through the cracks in my hair.

“Ok, just don’t pull on her arms Eli; you’ll pull her hair out.” His mom warned before walking out of the room. I closed my eyes my heart feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. I felt like I was burning up and I couldn’t breathe but I didn’t want to move. I couldn’t make sense of anything; I was trembling and breathing erratically.

“Kylie, it’s ok. Here take my hand, you know it will feel better if you hold that even if you squeeze.” I looked at him my vision blurry from all the tears and my head throbbing so hard I thought it was going to explode. Slowly I released my grip on my hair and reached out to him. He smiled gently and took my hands in his rubbing the back of them.

“I can’t breathe.” I panted as I squeezed his hands feeling like I was burning up from the inside out. Eli’s eyes suddenly grew very alert and concerned more so than they had been before. I could feel the sweat slowly dripping down the back of my neck. He pulled one of his hands from me and set it on my forehead for a moment.

“You need to get out of this hoodie.” I shook my head and tried to pull my arms back but I wouldn’t let him take it off. I couldn’t he’d see my cuts but all the pain in me right now was making it difficult to fight back. “MOM!” he shouted and his mother came running into the room. “Help me get the hoodie off her. She’s going to pass out or go into shock if we don’t cool her down.”

“Kylie,” CC looked at me the soft most caring expression on her face. She set her hands on my cheeks and rubbed the burning skin lightly. “Whatever it is that’s under there we won’t deal with what it is ok? We need to get it off you.” I glanced up at her and then down at Eli for a moment before kind of sitting up to allow them to pull off my hoodie.

“Please, don’t….Don’t yell.” Was all I could really muster as they pulled the hoodie from my arms and then undid the bandages on my arms. I could hear small gasps come from each of them but neither one said anything about what they were looking at.

“Oh baby girl.” CC had always treated me like I was another child to her and I could hear the heart break in her voice as she examined the injuries on my arms. “Eli!” She smacked his shoulder to draw his attention away from my arm. “Come on, go get a pair of boxers and a tank top and meet me in my room ok?” Eli stood up slowly and took off running.

“Don’t….leave me?” I whimpered as she picked me up into her arms and carried me to her bed room. She set me gently on her bed and turned a fan on facing it towards me as she brushed my hair away from my face.

“Don’t worry; we aren’t going to leave your side.” CC kissed my forehead and continued to run her fingers through my hair until Eli came tripping back into the room running his fingers through his hair for a moment before setting the clothes on the end of the bed.

“Kylie, Ky…” he seemed to be struggling with something to say to his broken friend laying in front of him right now. But instead of saying something or just grabbing my hand he lowered his face to mine and I felt his soft lips press against mine in a gentle kiss even though his mom was watching.