Here's Everything I've Always Meant to Say

Poor Adam after that night refused to come back over to Eli’s house unless I was awake and my arms were covered. I sighed softly at the thought of it I hadn’t meant to terrify Adam in any way. It was just when I wasn’t lying with Eli by my side I had nightmares and though I knew most of them were nightmares sometimes I needed to see myself bleed in order to know I’m awake.

“What do you think about trying to go to school today?” CC asked as she walked into my room. It was about an hour and a half before school started and Eli was already up and getting ready reluctantly not by my side and I’d woken up as soon as he had moved away from me.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I looked towards her I’m sure the fear was written all over my face. Dealing with the mean popular kids and other kids pretending to care about me after finding out my situation of being motherless.

“Just…try it ok? I talk to Simpson yesterday he said you can go to class with Eli, all of Eli’s classes and just get your homework and stuff today because the funeral for your mom is next Tuesday and this would at least get you this week’s homework ok?” She encouraged and I just glared at my hands the idea of school was enough to make me vomit.

“Yeah well, I’m not sure you could promise that Eli’s going to stay by my side but I guess I have to leave the house sometime right?” I asked climbing out of the bed. CC smiled gently patting my shoulder.

“Of course. To be honest I’m pretty sure he’s going to stay attached to your hip today. He’s pretty nervous about you coming back too.” She kissed my forehead before dancing out of the room. I sighed after a moment trudging over to my back pack and pulling out some clothes .

“You coming to school today?” Eli asked as he emerged from the bathroom his hair done, a thin line of eyeliner under his eyes, a black and white striped shirt under a black vest and black jeans. He looked good but then again….when didn’t he look good?

“Uh…yeah your mom thinks it might be a good idea for me to just gather my home work since mom’s funeral is next Tuesday so I probably won’t be in school to much next week.” I stuttered slightly before shaking my head and standing up hugging my clothes against my chest.

“I’m glad you’re coming. I promise I won’t leave your side.” He smiled gently as he kissed my forehead as I headed into the bathroom. I closed the bathroom door slowly before changing into dark black skin tight jeans and a long sleeved black shirt with a white vest over it all three buttons done. I straightened my hair and let if fall where ever it pleased before slowly glancing in the mirror.

I didn’t look so hot. My body was thinner than it used to be. My skin was pale and I almost looked like death warmed over. There were bags under my eyes and my eyes were even slightly swollen from crying, my face flushed from all of the emotions. My blue eyes were hazy with fear and hurt still and my lips were cracked parts of it bleeding from where I had taken to biting them.

“Come on Ky we gotta get to school!” Eli shouted from outside the bathroom door. I let out another heavy sigh before slowly walking towards the door opening it and looking at him. I’d smudged some black eyeliner on my eyes and at least put some of an effort into making myself now look too dead.

“Let’s go…but Eli” He turned to look towards me. His eye brow rose as he took my hand into his leading me toward my backpack where he’d taken the liberty to take all my things out of the bag and put my school things in. “Promise me you won’t leave m y side…”

“I won’t, Kylie I’ll never leave your side.” He smiled gently as he helped me slid the back pack over my shoulders and lead me outside to Morty. We both climbed into the hearse before heading towards school I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to face any one though. I was terrified as we parked in the usual parking spot.

“Eli, I’m scared.” I admitted my blue ocean orbs finding his hazel almost green eyes. He smiled gently as he looked at me he reached his hand out and gently touched my face. I couldn’t read his eyes and that wasn’t something I was used to. I just wanted to curl up in the back of Morty and go back to sleep.

“Kylie, I’m right here and how about this, after school I’ll take you out to your favorite little ice cream place and we’ll go have ice cream in the park ok?” I looked at him, his offer was tempting. Ice cream could pretty much get me to do anything these days, it was almost all I would eat now well besides his moms cooking. Ice cream was comfort food.

“You win.” I couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh as I climbed out the passenger side door of the hearse before shutting the door and waiting for Eli to get out and come around to my side. It didn’t take long before he walked over and grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together. I glanced down at our hands and then up at him and I saw him smirk.

“Hey Goldsworthy looks like you got a new toy?” Fitz’s voice came from behind us as we walked towards our lockers. I just kept my eyes on the floor not really in the mood to deal with him.

“Shut up Fitz. I’m not in the mood for your shit today Understood?” Eli growled as he held my hand closer to his body as he got the things he would need from his locker. He grabbed the pass that he’d gotten from Simpson the day before out and handed it to me. “Here put this around your neck it’s your pass to go to all my classes with me.” He smiled as he slid the pass around my neck.

“Eli are you sure we can’t just go home? I don’t want to be here anymore?” My voice was soft as I looked for the boy’s sympathy. The feelings were already racing in my head just with Fitz standing there staring at the two of us.

“Kylie, breath” he reassured me gently cupping my face in his hands rubbing my cheeks softly letting out a small breath kissing my nose. “It’s going to be ok.” He murmured softly slowly running his hands down my arms and grabbing my right hand.

“This is sickening” Fitz let out a disgusted noise before slamming something and storming off in the other direction. I looked to Eli, he just squeezed my hand as we headed down the hall way to his first hour.

It’d only been four hours. Four class periods and the most miserable class periods I’d ever experienced. Everyone came to me one after another some saying they were sorry for my loss some asking me what had happened. Most of the teachers would call the students attention away from me as best they could but even they wore a look of sympathy on their face.

As we walked into the cafeteria for lunch Eli still had his arm around my waist holding me close to him as we went through the line. Though Eli got food I just kind of leaned against him refusing to do much of anything or even look interested in the food as more people whispered as I passed them.

“Come on you’ve got to want something Hon.” Eli’s voice was soft as he held his Tray in one hand while the other continued to hold me closer to his body. I shook my head pressing my face against the side of his body letting out a soft sigh.

“Do I have to eat?” I mumbled looking up to him my blue eyes finding his hazel/almost green emerald eyes as he returned the puppy dog look that I was giving him. It was just a question of who was going to give in to the face first. I sighed, knowing his face meant he was worrying about me.

“Please, you barely eat anything even if it’s just a cookie…please?” His voice was desperate as he looked down at me. I slowly nodded my head pointing to the little cup of diced peaches that they were selling today. His grin turned into a smile when he saw that I was indicating actual food.

“What doesn’t she talk any more or does she just point?” Holly Jay came up from behind us looking at me. Eli tensed as he held me closer to his body putting the peaches on the tray and giving the prude behind us the finger.

“How’s your back?” My voice surprised both of them as Holly looked at me with a confused expression on her face. “I mean last time I checked you do spend most of your time on it.” I spat venom filling my voice and I knew I’d struck a sore spot when her whole face turned red and she stormed off screaming that it wouldn’t be the last I’d heard of her. Eli chuckled as he looked down at me.

“That was pretty badass Kylie.” He smiled as he ruffled my hair before leading me to a cafeteria table where he normally say. We both glanced up as Adam slowly approached the table with Fiona linked arm in arm with him.

“Hey guys,” Adam slowly slid himself onto the bench as Fiona smiled sympathetically at me before taking a seat next to Adam, leaning against him as she played with the food on her tray. I looked between the two before offering them a slight smile and turning back to the peaches in the little plastic container in front of me.

“Do I detect a hint of commitment between you two?” I could hear the smirk in Eli’s voice and even though I wasn’t looking up I knew all to well that Adam’s face was probably bright red matching Fiona’s slight blush.

“Yeah, she’s my girlfriend now.” The smile in Adam’s voice was pleasant seeing as the last time I’d seen him he’d run out of the room screaming and refused to come back since then. I rolled my eyes as I finished the last peach out of the bowl and set it on Eli’s try before setting my head on the cafeteria table and closing my eyes, covering my head with my arms.

“Cute, I always knew you guys would end up as a couple.” The joking for front of his voice was masked by a worried mix in it. I just let out a heavy sigh before pressing my face into my arms further and starting to drift to sleep right there on the café table.

“How is she doing?” I could still hear the conversation but I was in that state of ‘asleep but still alert to everything around me.’ Fiona’s voice was much different than the two voices I was used to listening too so I could hear everything she was saying clearest.

“She’s…well, this is what she does most of the time but I think she’s handling it rather well.” Eli’s voice was soft and comforting and I felt his hand on the small of my back rubbing up and down softly as I “slept”

“So are you two official or something? I mean it’s been going around school that you two are dating and Jen’s starting to get really jealous I mean she punched in some locker yesterday…” Adam tip toed as he spoke scared to upset Eli. I could feel Eli tense slightly before going back to rubbing the small of my back.

“I’m going to ask her to make if official with me tonight, I’m taking her out to her favorite little ice cream place and after I make it official with her, my mom has a surprise for her.” I could hear the grin in his voice yet again and though I was eager to know what the surprise was and my heart was fluttering at the idea of being officially Eli’s girlfriend, I didn’t have enough energy to really pick my head up and let them know I was awake.

“Hi Eli!” A shrill voice followed by a slam on the table next to my head caused me to shoot up nearly smacking Eli’s head with mine. My heart beating rapidly against my chest from the scare. I whipped my head to the side to make eye contact with the one who had made the noise.

“Hi Jen…” I didn’t need to see his face to know he was annoyed though she didn’t seem to get the hint. I let out a low growl sounding almost dog like as I glared at the woman sitting only a few inches away from me.

“How are you? I haven’t seen you in a while I mean you’ve been gone so much from school.” All her sympathy for me must have faded awful quickly as she returned the glare that I was giving her as if it was all my fault that Eli was staying home. (Even though I knew it really was she had no right to accuse me)

“I’m fine Jen, I’ve been helping my mom redecorate the guest room and make enough room for someone else to live in our house for the past week or so.” I looked to him it wasn’t a total lie. He and his mother had been working on the guest bed room for awhile and though I had no idea what might be going on I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

“Really who’s going to move in with you?” I wanted to claw her eyeballs out as she sat there a smug little smirk on her face anger filling me. It wasn’t her business who was moving into his house if any one even was!

“What’s it matter who’s moving in?” Eli snapped and my whole body tensed as he did. He caught on and slowly relaxed his body again causing me to relax mine back into his wanting to just close my eyes and go back to sleep but Jen’s annoying voice was making it very difficult.

“Oh it’s for little miss pathetic? You’re mom “adopting” her” Jen let out a laugh and I balled my fists up by my sides clenching them and my jaw tightened as she called me pathetic. Eli’s body was a little tense but it was more relaxed then mine.

“You wanna run that by me again?” I snarled as I started to inch closer to her. Eli’s arms quickly flew around my waist as he looked at his ex girlfriend slightly irritated but more irate.

“Jen! Just stop! Leave her alone! I mean I always knew you were heartless but damn.” Fiona came to my rescue and I was slightly shocked. I’d never spent any kind of time with Fiona so to hear her standing up for me was nothing short of amazing.

“Great now one of the school sluts is standing up for you.” Jen spat causing Adam to nearly jump over the table but Fiona had him by his arms a gentle smile on her face trying to get him to calm down. Even though Eli had a hold of me and was trying to calm me down it wasn’t nearly as effective.

“OH I don’t need ANY one to stand up for me.” I hissed I went to raise my fist but Eli quickly grabbed both my wrists gently holding me back from damaging her face. “Let me go! She could use a new nose job any way!” I spat as I looked toward her. She just grinned and shook her head standing up as the bell rang signaling lunch was over.

“I just feel bad that Eli was so torn up about our break up that he stooped down to dating the school psycho” She smirked as she dumped her tray before walking off leaving Eli holding my wrists an angry look on his face.

“You can let go I’m not going after her.” I snapped as I stood up slowly looking towards Eli who’s expression was still angry as he watched Jen walk out.

“She’s one to talk.” Eli rolled his eyes slowly standing up and throwing away his food setting his tray down before looking towards me and smiling gently.

“I hate her.” I growled the upset expression still placed on my face. He shook his head setting his hand on my cheek, placing a soft kiss against my lips to replace the smile before taking my hand and leading me towards the next hour of the day.