Status: weekly updates :)
My Diary (if You Really Care to Know)
Black Out
Sometimes I wish I could black out, you know? Just coast in space for a little while, and maybe watch and see if others miss me or not while I am gone. I’m not talking suicide or anything like that…Just maybe blacking out for a few days, just to escape from the world. Sometimes it just gets to me. I can never be the person that I want myself to be, I keep fucking up in the process, and sometimes I feel like people view as a stupid no nothing. I have just been really depressed as of late, It’s just getting to me.
I hardly ever have time alone anymore. I’m the type of person who enjoys her own company a lot. In other words, I am a bit of a loner at heart; I will go insane without enough alone time. I get short tempered and depressed, and I really hate being short tempered because I don’t want to piss off or offend anybody. I just get that way after a while. I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately either, so my energy levels are pretty bad. It’s mostly drinking coffee all the time so that I can catch up on this school work that is late, but even when I try to do it I always get sidetracked and I never get it done;so my grades are heinous as well.
On top of that I am depressed. I am depressed because of a few friends of mine. I don’t think they care much at all that any of this is going on. They don’t understand that I really need to get work done, or they do and they don’t care about it. They don’t seem to really mind how I feel either, even though I know that they do care about me. My best friend/ sister Fly is the only one whom I even tell a little ounce about what I feel. She is going through a lot too which adds a little bit of stress, but I never mind it when it is about my family and their safety.
My biological sister is crying in the next room. She’s talking on the phone to my mom. It must be really difficult for her to have to go through all of this without mom being around. My mom used to be the one who took care of all the emotional stuff that went on in our house; now that she lives seven hundred or so miles away it makes it difficult, and my dad isn’t exactly Mr. Sensitive either. He’s nice, and he goes out of his way to do nice things for people, but he doesn’t understand emotions too well, which my mom does, so yeah…..
I mean, I got over the fact that my mom is in another state years ago…Infact, I have become adjusted to it quite well, but I don’t know about my sister. She’s been having a lot of problems lately, so it is good that she talked to mom, but still, I am worried. I am also worried about my other (non biological) sisters. Hitlerfish’s father has just come back into her life, and he is being a prick, and my other sister is not doing well in school at all and I am afraid that she is going to fail.
It’s going to be one helluva week….. i
I hardly ever have time alone anymore. I’m the type of person who enjoys her own company a lot. In other words, I am a bit of a loner at heart; I will go insane without enough alone time. I get short tempered and depressed, and I really hate being short tempered because I don’t want to piss off or offend anybody. I just get that way after a while. I haven’t been getting enough sleep lately either, so my energy levels are pretty bad. It’s mostly drinking coffee all the time so that I can catch up on this school work that is late, but even when I try to do it I always get sidetracked and I never get it done;so my grades are heinous as well.
On top of that I am depressed. I am depressed because of a few friends of mine. I don’t think they care much at all that any of this is going on. They don’t understand that I really need to get work done, or they do and they don’t care about it. They don’t seem to really mind how I feel either, even though I know that they do care about me. My best friend/ sister Fly is the only one whom I even tell a little ounce about what I feel. She is going through a lot too which adds a little bit of stress, but I never mind it when it is about my family and their safety.
My biological sister is crying in the next room. She’s talking on the phone to my mom. It must be really difficult for her to have to go through all of this without mom being around. My mom used to be the one who took care of all the emotional stuff that went on in our house; now that she lives seven hundred or so miles away it makes it difficult, and my dad isn’t exactly Mr. Sensitive either. He’s nice, and he goes out of his way to do nice things for people, but he doesn’t understand emotions too well, which my mom does, so yeah…..
I mean, I got over the fact that my mom is in another state years ago…Infact, I have become adjusted to it quite well, but I don’t know about my sister. She’s been having a lot of problems lately, so it is good that she talked to mom, but still, I am worried. I am also worried about my other (non biological) sisters. Hitlerfish’s father has just come back into her life, and he is being a prick, and my other sister is not doing well in school at all and I am afraid that she is going to fail.
It’s going to be one helluva week….. i