Listen to the Thunder

I can’t believe how fast February is going already! Yesterday was Caleb’s birthday, February 11th, which means February is nearly half-way over…and that’s crazy. Not much has happened really. Just the same old shit, with me avoiding Kyle as much as possible and spending as much time with Alex as I could. Right now I’m on my own in my room though. We got a small assignment for tomorrow’s class that I haven’t done yet, and I figured I might as well get it finished before Matt and I meet up with Alex and Danny for dinner. All I have to do is write a song, but that’s not as easy as it looks. Well, I could just write any old lyrics, but that wouldn’t be worth it. I have to write something decent or I won’t feel happy about handing it in. So I guess I’ll have to do this properly.

I didn’t pay attention as I wrote, just letting my hand be controlled by my heart, the way I found easiest to write songs. It means that I don’t over think it, y’know? I just write whatever is at the forefront of my heart. I must’ve been writing solidly for a good half an hour before I stopped, my hand cramping slightly. But as I picked up the paper to see what I’d done, I whimpered. Tears poured down my cheeks as I read through what I’d written, sobs spilling uncontrollably from my lips when I realised I’d written the song completely about Kyle.

‘You said this could only get better,
There's no rush 'cause we have each other,
You said this would last forever,
But now I know I wasn’t your only lover.

Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love's the same,
'Cause I'm not over you.

Baby, don't talk to me,
I'm trying to let go,
Not loving you is harder than you know,
'Cause boy you're driving me so crazy.

How can I miss you if you never would stay?
If you need time I guess I'll go away,
Inside me now there's only heartache and pain,
So where's the fire, you've begun the rain.

Are we just lost in time?
I wonder if your love's the same,
'Cause I'm not over you.

Baby, don't talk to me,
I'm trying to let go,
Not loving you is harder than you know,
Boy you're driving me so crazy.

And if you don't want me then,
I guess I'll have to go,
Not loving you is harder than you know.

So I'll make the call,
And I'll leave today,
I'm gonna miss you 'cause I love you baby.
Yeah, I'll make the call,
I'm leaving today,
And leaving always drives me crazy.

Baby, don't talk to me,
I'm trying to let go,
Not loving you is harder than you know,
Boy you're driving me so crazy.’

“Jack? JACK! What’s wrong baby?”

I yelped, snapping my head upright, only to see Alex standing in front of me, looking worried. Matt probably heard me crying and went to get Alex. He knows Alex is the only thing that can calm me down when I’m hysterical like this.

“Jack, answer me,” Alex begged, holding my face in his hands.

“I j-just w-was wr-writing a s-song fo-for class a-and it en-ended up ab-about Ky-Ky-Kyle!” I sobbed, clutching at his arms.

“Oh Jack,” Alex whispered.

I started sobbing harder as Alex took me into his arms while he sat down next to me, stroking my head and whispering sweet nothings in my ear, soothing me in only the way that he can. I don’t know how long I sat in his arms like that for, or how long Alex had to comfort me for until I calmed down, but when I had finally composed myself I lifted my head, my eyes stinging, my throat raw and my cheeks itchy.

“I-I’m sorry Lex,” I whimpered, drying my face with my sleeve.

“No, don’t be. I know how much you love him,” Alex said sadly.

“And I hate that I love him after what he did to me!” I exasperated.

“I know, baby. I know. But you can’t talk him down completely. He was one of our best friends throughout the entirety of high school,” Alex said with a weak smile.

“But he changed. Kyle got onto drugs and he became someone we don’t even know,” I said.

Alex paused for a second, as if deciding whether to say something or not. What is it? Alex looked into my bloodshot eyes and that seemed to make his mind up.

“He’s been clean for nearly two months, y’know,” Alex said softly.

Woah, what the fuck?

“How do you even know this?” I whined.

“I watched him while he went through withdrawal while he cleaned up. He’s in all our classes, remember? He’s been clean for a while, and I can tell he hasn’t taken anything since we came back from Winter break. Besides, I heard him arguing with Nick last week about Kyle not wanting to do drugs and Nick trying to force him to,” Alex admitted.

I froze slightly as those words processed. Kyle’s…clean? He’s stopped taking drugs? But…I don’t understand! Why would he stop when he didn’t before? And…

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I blurted.

“Because I’d only just got you! I’d only just got my fucking chance with you after all this fucking time, and I was…I was scared you’d leave me straight away to go back him,” Alex said softly, averting his eyes.

Oh Alex. I leant forward and pressed a slow kiss to his lips, savouring his taste before I pulled away again, keeping our faces close.

“He cheated on me. 3 times. I would never go back to him,” I said firmly, not losing contact with his eyes.

“I know, I just…”

“Lex!” I interrupted, “I love you, okay? He broke me, and you fixed me – that’s all that’s important,”

“I love you too. I just don’t want to lose you,” Alex said with a weak smile.

“And you won’t,” I insisted.

“How can you be so sure?” Alex pouted.

I hesitated, panicking a little. I don’t want to go into all this emotional crap with Alex right now. I can’t right now. I need a way to distract him…then I grinned, dipping my head down to his ear level, resting my hand at the top of his thigh.

“How about if I blow you? I could wrap my lips around your cock nice and tight, just how you like it. I’d suck on your tip like a lollipop, and lick up your juices as soon as they touched my tongue. I’d take the whole of your beautiful dick in my mouth, you know I don’t have a gag reflex. I’d tilt my head back, letting you watch me bob up and down. I know you like how wet and shiny my lips get,” I purred.

“Nhn Jack,” Alex groaned

“I wouldn’t stop there. Next I would…”

All Alex could do was moan and blush as I continued whispering the dirtiest words and phrases I could think of in his ear, the bulge in his jeans letting me know I’d succeeded in my task.

“As long as I can keep getting that reaction from you, I’m not going anywhere. You’re beautiful Lex, and my best friend – I can’t lose you either,” I said seriously.

“Thanks for the reassurance, but can you carry out what you just said? I’m about to explode and it’s fucking painful,” Alex whined.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his desperation, his pupils dilated and his voice a little tighter and higher, but I pushed him down on his back and started sucking on his neck like I know he wanted me to. I’m so lucky I have Alex. If I didn’t have him, I’d probably go insane, especially with all Kyle’s shit still affecting me. I still don’t know what to make of the news of him being clean though.