Listen to the Thunder

“Alright before you go, I have an announcement. I’m setting your first March group project in Thursday’s lecture, and yes, I will be choosing the groups. Until then, read up on Baroque composers,”

Everyone groaned, including me, but we all stood up quickly as she dismissed us. I hate it when she chooses our groups! It’s like high school all over again!

“Come on Jack, we’ll be late for Piano Class. Again,” Matt teased, tugging my arm. Yeah, we didn’t have a choice in that module.

I realised then that I’d been walking really slowly down the corridor. Shit. My bad. Then I realised something else. Double shit.

“Fuck, I’ve left me phone in the lecture hall!” I groaned.

“That’s what you get for sexting with Alex,” Danny smirked. Ass.

“Go, we’ll save you a seat,” Alex chuckled.

I grinned and pecked a kiss to his lips, before walking quickly back down the corridor. I paused when I got to the door though, hearing a familiar voice. Kyle’s voice.

“But please! I can’t be in a group with Jack!”

Without being able to control it, a stab of pain ran through me. W-Why did he have to say that?

“Why? You, Jack and Alex worked so well on the assignment back in October,”

Before all the shit really started.

Kyle sighed. “Jack and I broke up. Badly. It was my fault though, and I know he’s still hurt about it – I don’t want to make it worse. It doesn’t help that my new boyfriend hates him, so working in a group with Jack would mean Jack would have to spend time around Nick, and that wouldn’t end well for anyone. I-I can’t spend time alone with him because it’ll remind me of how I screwed everything up. It hurts too much to look at him, y’know? I can barely stand to be around him at the best of times,” Kyle explained.

I could hear the tears in his coice, but that didn’t make it any better. How dare he say those things about me? Yes, it would hurt to spend time with him, but I would push past it for a good grade. He’s just scared. He’s scared of facing me. I scowled and knocked on the door, waiting until I heard, come in!

“J-Jack!” Kyle squeaked. He knows I’ve heard everything.

“Forgot my phone,” I grunted.

I couldn’t look at either of them as I walked to my desk and back, retrieving my mobile. That was the most painful journey I’d ever done. I know I was the one to break up with Kyle, but to know that he doesn’t want to be near me? That fucking hurts.

“Jack, I…”

Kyle’s words dried up. I shook my head, knowing the hurt was obvious in my expression, and walked out the room. Tears immediately fell down my cheeks but I quickly dried my face. I’m done. I’m done crying over Kyle. I won’t let him get to me anymore and that’s that. How hard can it be?

*

Well, it proved to be a lot harder than I thought. By the end of the day I was crying again, this time on the phone to Rian.

“A-And h-he can ba-barely stand to l-look at me! W-What did I d-do wrong?” I choked, clutching at my phone.

“You didn’t do anything, Jack. He’s the one that got hooked on drugs, remember?” Rian sighed.

I chewed my bottom lip, thinking about what Alex said last month.

“H-He’s clean. He doesn’t d-do d-drugs any more,” I mumbled.

“What?”

I could hear the shock in Rian’s voice.

“Alex said he saw Kyle going through withdrawal and he keeps refusing drugs from N-Nick. He’s trying to get back to who he was, but he doesn’t want anything to do with me!” I whined.

I heard Rian sigh again.

“Look, Jack, I know all you want to do is help Kyle, but you’re with Lex now. Kyle made his choice – you can’t let that come between what you’ve got. You and Lex are good together, you know this,” Rian said.

“I know, I know, I would never break up with Alex over something like that! I’m just saying…Kyle used to be one of my best friends, and now he hates me. I don’t understand,” I said softly.

“Me neither, Jacky. Me neither. Just remember that you have us, okay? We’ve always got your back,” Rian reassured.

“Thanks Rian,” I whispered.

“No problem. Um, I’ve got to help Caleb out with some fundraising thing, but I’ll see you at Spring Break, okay?” Rian said.

“Yeah, see you,” I nodded.

I ended the call and dropped my phone to the floor, rolling onto my back to look up at the ceiling. I know Rian was trying to help, but he really didn’t. I don’t want to accept that Kyle doesn’t want anything to do with me. I won’t accept it.

Three knocks. “Jack?”

“Come in, Lex,” I called.

The door opened, and sure enough Alex poked his head in, smiling wearily.

“Matt said you were crying down the phone. Rian?” Alex asked, walking over to me.

I nodded as he sat down, and he stroked his hand over my hair.

“Is it because of Kyle again?” Alex asked softly.

I hated the look on his face. He knows exactly what I’m crying about, because it’s all I ever cry about, and it hurts him too.

“Yeah. I overheard him begging not to put in a group with me because he can’t stand the sight of me,” I murmured.

“Oh Jack,” Alex said sadly.

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t really have expected anything else. I just miss him being our best friend, y’know? Before all the crazy shit happened in Junior year summer. We were all so close,” I sniffed.

“I miss him too, Jack. I miss him too. I hate seeing you so upset though. What can I do to make you feel better?” Alex asked.

Normally I would say some firm of sexual act, but not now. I’m not in the mood.

“Can you hold me?” I asked, looking at him.

“I was expecting you to say blowjob, but yeah, I can hold you,” Alex chuckled. Told you.

I curled into Alex’s body as he laid down next to me, letting him wrap his arms around me. I closed my eyes as he started to sing softly, soothing me in only the way that he can. I hate this. I hate how everything has turned out with Kyle. But I can’t ruin what I’ve got with Alex. If I do, then I’ll have nothing.