Nerds Get the Guys

He said we were going to go for lunch, hold hands and everything he seemed to mean it;and i fucking believed it. But instead we ended up just walking beside each other to the library where he said he had to study, "Fuck i hate this. I love him but i can't say that what the fuck is love? who would love me anyway he probably just feels bad for me," i'm sitting across from gabe pouring my heart out; fuck i'm such a lg. "And i told him everything, not about how i got my back so cut up with words like 'fag' and 'slut' he doesn't need to know..." He nods like all adults do and i want to break his jaw,"Ryan maybe he's scared. He's not like you" I laugh is he seriously thinking i don't know that?

"Yeah his dad didn't molest him, his mom didn't leave.. well that's what 'm supposed to say.." I'm beginning to be worn down and i can't keep the truth hidden forever,"ryan.." "She ran off with the neighbor and my older sister, she said she didn't love me before she left me with him that's why she wouldn't take me.." decide nows a good time to leave so i do i get the fuck out and head straight to my dorm there's a note on my door;

' ryan, he's not being honest to you he has someone on the side. did you really think he'd like you.. anonymous

The world i had is caving in and that was the last straw to break the camels back, i go inside and sit on the bathroom floor my music blaring.' The walls start breathing My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone. A weight is lifted On this evening I give the final blow...' I decide to leave but not before throwing a fit and trashing my room, i grab my razor shove it into my wallet .I leave a note as well as the other one on my door for brendon, if he even really gives a fuck.I'm waiting at the bus stop when mr beckett sits beside me,"He cares for you ryan he really does.."

I look at him "how do you know?" He sighs "because when i was your age me and a certain person were in love, but instead of your shoes i walked in brendon's. I was popular, religious parents and i was scared of not pleasing them all. Then i met him and it was all perfect, of course we met in secret then one day he left me a note after someone told him i had a girlfriend, course i didn't... But ryan don't do what he did don't believe rumors just believe in him.If you can't believe in anyone believe in him, i don't want you regretting this,"When i think about it i decide he's right i thank him and run home ripping the notes off the door.

"Hey there," i turn and he's just coming up the hall;i hide the notes in my back pocket."H-hey... You busy?" He shakes his head and i pull him into my room, i cant wait any longer if he loves me he won't hesitate.I kiss him rough and rushed and he kisses back awkwardly for a moment but then he picks it up , his hands are pulling me forward by my jeans.I undo his and although i seem to have him confused he does my jeans, i slip them off and i work his down until there pooled at his feet;fuck this has to go faster.

I don't want to chicken out, i want this.I pull him to the bed where he topples on top of me and his hand accidently grabs me, i moan and what can i say he picks up fast.He moves his hand so it's beneath the fabric and his hand us skin on skin, he pushes down my boxers and his ; fear is fucking gripping me slowly.I move my legs onto his hips and when he 's inside me i feel bad, but that's only because i've never really done this willingly. But once he gets going it's okay, i'm a cheap whore beneath him erratic moans and breathing."Oh ry th-this is pe-perfect.." He pants and when he moans it washes away all my fears.

When it's over and were huddled under the blankets i can't stop myself from feeling stupid,this guy likes me he's just stuck i guess you could call it."Ryan your amazing... I'm sorry about being so scared to do the right thing," "Do you.. do you umm.." How do i say it to another person? "Do i what ? Do i love you is that what your getting at?" I blush and he chuckles "ryan i love you okay i said it and i can't take it back, not that i want to." I smile and close my eyes yawning "i love you too brendon.. Your the only person i have ever and will ever love.."