Killing Loneliness

I woke up to the sound beeping. I rolled over David who was asleep in barely anything and grabbed my phone. Fuck, we had to get up. I rolled the other way to find Steve there. Somehow, I got over him and went to the bathroom first. I had a quick shower and then started to wake up the guys. As David and Steve were both in the bahtroom getting ready, there as a soft knock on the door. I walked over to it and opened it. Bam stood there with a confused expression on his face.
“Morning,” He sounded happy, whcih was random.
“Morning. What do you need?” I alf closed the door. I was only in my jeans and didn't have naything else on other then a bra.
“I need to talk to you,” I nodded and let him. I told the ugys in the bathroom to give me warning before they came out, telling them that i was talknig to Bam. He heard them yell and curse about how I shouldn't but that didn't matter to me.
“Whats up?” I sat next to Bam on the edge of the bed after pulling on a shirt.
“I.. I don't know how to say this,” He looked down at his hands and then back up at me. “I miss you Ash, more thne I've missed aynthing in my life. I need you here, it just feels right with you here,”
For a moment I let the words sink in. He wanted me back. Great. I smiled and bent in to kiss him lightly. Before I got there I stoppede though. I remembered Missy, and all the other shit he had put me threw.
“Bam, I miss you too. Alot. More then I should,” I fiddled with my bracelt until Bam intertwind his figners with mine. I looked at our hands and then pulled mine away.
“Bam I love you, but you got back with Missy and scrwed shit over wiht me when you did that,” I rubbed my head before looking back at him. It was pounding with a headache from to much alcohol. With my thumbs I rubbed my temples. Bam sat there silently.
“I'm sorry Ash, I don't know what you want me to say or do, but I'm sorry,” Bam bent over and put his head in his hands.
“If you wanted to be with me so bad, then when did you get back together with her,” There was no need for me to say her name. The question had been eating away at me for months, but I did what I could to forget about it.
“I was scared Ashleigh. We lost everything! One second you and I had a baby on the way and we were going ot have a life together, I was even going to ask you to marry me – but then there was the accident,” Bam was standing now with his hands in the air. I could feel my heart starting to break all over again, just when I thought I had everything delt with.
I couldnt say anything. Tears were brimming along my eyes. I felt eyes on me and looked up to see Bam's eyes filled with tears too. Once he saw mine he fell to his knees infront of me. He pressed his head into my lap and I could feel his tears soaking threw my pants.
My tears broke ground and ran down my cheeks, dropping into Bam's ruffled hair. He wrapped his arms around my legs and hugged them for dear life. Together, Bam and I sat there crying holding on to eachother. A knock on the door behind me startled the both of us and when I turned I saw David with a sad look on his face. He tapped his wrist, showing that we needed to get going. Lightly, I ran my fingers threw Bam's hair and he looked up at me sadly.
“I have to get going Bam, my flights in 3 hours and I have to pack and get to the airport still,” Bam stood slowly. He nodded and walked towards the door.
“Let me know, i'll give you a ride to the airport,” With that Bam walked out of the room. I whipped the tears from my eyes and cheeks and started to throw things into my suit case. Steve and David came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and everything.
“I'm guessing you guys heard that?” I didn't look at them over my shoulder as I folded cltohes.
“Yah,” Steve's voice was queit as he came up behind me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked down at it and weakly smiled.
“I'll be find guys. Hes going to give us a ride to the airport in an hour or so, that good? I just want to get out of here,” They nodded and we all got ready. We didn't say anything to eachother, which was nice for a change.
When the guys and I were ready, I went downstairs to find Bam talking to Dunn. Dunn half smiled and then nodded. Bam looked up atme. His eyes were still slightly red. I smiled and told him I was ready to go. He got up and went to bring the hummer to the front door. Dunn offered to carry my bag down and as the guys headed downstairs he stopped me at the top of the stairs.
“That was hard what you had to do Ash, but it was the right thing,” He smiled and kissed my cheek lightly. He took my suit case downstairs and out to the hummer. I was happy that alteast one person was telling me that I did the right thing.
By the time I was downstairs, everything was in the car and the guys were waiting near the humer. I hugged Dunn and told him to say good bye to whoever else I missed and told him I'd let himknow aobut the dates of the tour. Everyone got into the hummer, leaving me to sit up front with Bam.
The ride was quiet and I kept on looking at my phone. I had wished Kat would have come, but she didn't anything to do with Bam now. The music was on quietly and the guys were talking in the back with themselves.
We finally came to the airport much sooner thne I really watned to. I may have said no to Bam, but I wanted to stay near him. The guys got out and said very short goodbyes to Bam. They walked inside the front doors and nodded at me, giving me a signal to talk to Bam.
“Don't worry, I'll always love you,” I bit my lip as I stood infront of Bam. There was so much I still wanted to say to him. “And maybe, if you ever finally leave Missy – like for good, then I might want to be with you again,” I staired him in the face this time. His eyes searched my face. He didn't say anything but took another step closer to me. I wrapped my arsm around he waist for the last time. I wasn't sure when I was going to see him next, maybe never. He pulled away and looked at me intently.
“I'll always love you,” Bam whispered and then pressed his lips to mine lightly. I could have stayed there forever. If only this kiss could last forever. Maybe someday everything could work out,b ut for now, I knew I had to move on.
I pulled away and picked up my bags, with one last look over my shoulder at him, I walked away. The lump in my throat threatened to break my compusure, but I walked into the airport where my band waited for me.
We boarded the plane quickly, and took off. When I landed in LA, I wasn't going to wait around for Bam anymore. I needed someone new.