Hold on Tight and Don't Look Back

Gerard’s Point of View

The blood was boiling in my veins as my fist slowly loosened its grip on my microphone, allowing it to fall the floor with a cold “thump.” The room was silent, all eyes were staring at the stage head on waiting for me to make my move. Through the corner of my eye I could see my brother standing still from shock, his face was full of anger, his legs were shaking. I walked over to here he was standing and placed on gentle hand on his back.

“I’ll handle this, go talk to her,” I whispered to him. “She needs you more than anybody right now; she won’t listen to anyone but you.”

I gave him a slight shove as I took my hand away from his body. I bent down, allowing my knees to brush against the floor. I slowly ran my fingers along the cord that was connected to my microphone. Finding the end, I enclose my hand around the metal and return to a standing position. As I gaze out into the audience I see two large security guards removing the screaming fan from the front row. Her mouth is moving as if she is trying to tell me something but I can’t hear the words she’s speaking. For one small moment her eyes lock themselves with mine.

“It’s people like this that I just can’t fucking stand,” before I knew it I had let my emotions take control of my actions and words were spilling out of my mouth at record speed. “People always have to think they’re better than everyone else and that they know it all. You know what? FUCK YOU! You don’t know anything about her or my brother, so I suggest you get your act together and get the hell out of here, you’ll never be welcome again. You should know better than to make a young girl cry in my presence, and you’re damn lucky I’m up here and you’re down there.”

The room was filled with stunned faces, wide eyes, and opened mouths. I knew what I was saying was wrong as I said it, I just simply didn’t care. A loud crash interrupted the eerily silent room as the guards drug the girl out of the venue doors. If she wanted to be remembered, she got exactly what she wanted. I’m never going to forget the expression of lust on her face as she spoke the words will forever haunt me.

“Forgive me for my outburst,” I laughed lightly as I addressed the remaining small group of fans. “I just, that girl was so out of line. We’ve performed hundreds of shows and I’ve never heard anything like that. Where do you guys get these crazy ideas?” I smiled at them, that’s the least they deserve.

“One more song?!” I could hear the audience start to chant those fatal three words.

“I’m sorry guys, but we can’t play any more songs tonight. We’re kind of out a bassist, and I think we’re all a little on edge right now. We need to take some time, calm down a bit, and regroup,” I could hear the sighs of disappointment growing louder as I spoke. “We’ll be signing autographs out back in about 30 minutes if you want to come hang out with us. We love you all,” I placed the microphone safely in its stand and exited the stage, waving as I left. I could hear Ray and Frank following close behind.

“What the fuck just happened?” Frank asked.

“I don’t fucking know dude. Some bitchy ass girl is crazy as shit, and I lost my fucking cool,” I was a little more than irritated with myself for going off like that.

“You didn’t lose your cool, dude, that bitch had no right to say what she did,” Ray glanced over at me with a smile.

“She’s just lucky I wasn’t the one with the microphone. This place would have blown up if that were the case,” Frank laughed. I found myself laughing at his statement, too. We’re all lucky he wasn’t the one with the microphone; I think we would have heard enough screaming to last us a life time.

Frank, Ray and I rounded the corner to find Lexi sitting on the ground crying wrapped in Mikey’s arms. The faint sound of crying was evident as Frank lightly leaned his back against the wall, gently sliding down the cement to sit next to her.

“Lexi, Lexi will you look at me, please?” Frank pleaded with her. “I need you to look up at me, I need to know you’re listening.” I watched as he lightly placed his hand on her back.

“Yes?” Lexi looked up at him. Her cheeks were stained with the remains of fresh tears and lined with dark mascara streaks, her hair was plastered to her face, and her eyes held a look of fear.

“Cheer up, kid. That girl was only jealous of you. Yes, jealous. She just wants to be you. She just wishes she was half as cool as you,” Frank smiled at her as he removed the hair from her face.

“You think?” she lightly sniffled her nose and wiped the tears away.

“I know so,” Frank smiled again, placed his hand in hers, and pulled her up off the ground. “Come on kid, let’s go get you cleaned up.”

“Thanks, Frank,” she embraced him in a tight hug before turning to walk down the hallway.
“You know, you’re really good at that,” I laughed, patting Frank on the back.

“It’s just one of my many talents,” he smiled.

Mikey was still sitting on the floor. He had his head in his hands and I could see tears starting to for m in his eyes. “Dude, what’s wrong?” I sat down beside him.

“How can anyone be that mean?” he looked up at me. “I just don’t understand,” he shook his head back and forth, “I just don’t understand.”

“People have no self control, that’s all there is to it,” I took him in my arms hoping to ease the pain.

“I’m not mad that she said it, I’m mad that she upset Lexi like that, I’ve never seen her cry that much.”

“Remember the first time we played a gig in that kid’s basement? And that one girl said you looked like a nerdy little kid that should be at home reading books with his mommy? Sure, you were upset at first, but you got over it, and look at you now,” the corners of his mouth started to rise ever so slightly as I reminded him of his first encounter with bitchy teenagers at a show.

“Yeah, I remember,” he laughed. “And you’re right, it did get better. The first is always the worst,” he stood up.

“So, what now?” Lexi asked.

“God, you’re like a fucking ninja,” I laughed. “I didn’t even hear you walk up. You’re looking much better.”

“Thanks,” she smiled.

“Well, Gerard promised the fans we’d be signing out back after he had a minor hissy fit on stage and we ended the set,” Ray laughed. “We should probably head out.”

“What should I do?” Lexi looked confused, I guess she didn’t realize she was supposed to be coming with us.

“Come out and sign with us,” Frank smiled at her. “Show the kids that no one can bring you down, they’ll respect you for that shit.”

The energy of the crowd waiting outside the back doors was beyond belief. The kids were smiling, patiently awaiting the moment when we would step out the doors. We made our way to the end of the line, like we do at every show, and started signing CDs, tickets, arms, everything.

“Lexi! Lexi! Can you sign my ticket?! Please?! You did so great!” I heard a young girl excitedly yelling somewhere down the line. “Oh, can you sign mine, too?!” I heard another girl ask. I turned my head and smiled at her, letting her know it was her time to shine.

“I told you it would all be okay,” I whispered in Mikey’s ear as we made our way down the line.

“Look at her, she’s so happy,” he whispered back. “She’s beautiful when she smiles like that.”

“You’re a lucky kid,” I lightly elbowed him. “Don’t let her go.”

“Lexi! Lexi, can you please take a picture with me?!” I heard a familiar voice ask. I stopped mid signature and looked up to see the screaming fan standing there with a fake smile plastered across her face.

“Lexi, stop - ” I watched in horror, trying to stop Lexi from approaching the girl, as she extended a fist outward, hitting Lexi square in the face. I was frozen, appalled at the scene that played out before my eyes.

“Fucking bitch!” I heard Mikey yell as he ran over to where Lexi was lying on the ground. “Lexi!” he touched her face. “Lexi, can you hear me?!” “Lexi, Lexi!” He was screaming as he shook her fragile body.

“Gerard,” he looked up at me with tear filled eyes. “She’s not responding.”