Spinning Out of Control

I slept like someone was trying to suffocate me. Actually trying to fall asleep with Alex was a lot more difficult than being placed here while I was already asleep. I probably only got about two hours of slumber before it was morning.

When I woke up from my restless sleep, I was alone. The covers beside me were pulled back, cold, and the shower was running in the bathroom.

I hear the bedroom door open and the pitter-patter of small feet.

“Emma!” I grin as she jumps up on the bed beside me, her small body burrowing deep in the sheets of Alex’s bed. She kisses me good morning before she buries herself further in the mattress, her hands clutching her teddy bear. At that moment, the shower turns off.

“Mommy, can I have pancakes again?” Emma asks me, her hand stroking her bear. I smile and tell her yes, pecking the top of her head.

“Daddy will make you some while I shower, all right?”

She nods, her curls spiraling.

The door opens, revealing Alex in a fresh change of clothes. He smiles over at me and Emma, throwing his pajamas in the hamper by the closet. “Alex,” I get his attention. He looks over at me. “You were volunteered to make breakfast for Emma. I have to use the shower because my hair is disgusting.”

At this he surveys my head, his brows rising. “Your hair looks fine.” I could feel a small flush take over my face. “And who said you could use my shower?” He grins cheekily as Emma bounces impatiently.

“Me,” I reply, shrugging, before getting to my feet.

Alex rolls his eyes, but chuckles, grabbing Emma’s hand and listening to her rambling as they go out the door. I follow them before venturing off to get my clothes.

I grab a new pair of pants and shirt from the bag I had for me and Emma, returning to Alex’s bathroom. I close the door behind me, not realizing I hadn’t even locked it, and set my clothes down on the sink. I undress after turning the shower on, letting the water warm up, and brush through my hair. Alex lied. My hair looks like shit. I roll my eyes before stepping into the shower, relaxing under the heat.

As I applied shampoo to my hair, my thoughts wandered. Was Jasmine serious a few days ago? Would she have really gone to court if I had refused for Alex to see her? I would never do that, unless Jasmine truly did something to piss me off. Which, she already has. But I could never take Emma away from Alex.

I’ve already done that for the past three years. I can’t do it again.

At the thought of her, I scrubbed my skin until it felt raw and was glowing red. I felt angry and stressed and I just wanted it to all go away. I rid her of my mind as best I could, rubbing conditioner on my legs to start shaving.

I had just finished shaving my legs when I hear the door to the bathroom open. I scrunch my brows; I could’ve sworn I had locked it.

I see a blurred Alex appear in the bathroom, the glass door obscuring him.

Hesitantly, I twist the shower off and open the glass shower door, peeking out. “Alex?” I ask, trying to shield myself from him. “What are you doing?” I then noticed his pale face and frantic expression. I immediately knew something was up by the way he was biting his bottom lip harshly.

Every time something awful had happened, he would do that.

“Alex—”

“Ravyn!” he speaks, cutting me off. I don’t even think he heard me. “I just called 911 a few minutes ago to notify the hospital and your parents are already taking Emma there now—”

“What?!”

“She was choking on something or having some kind of reaction, but her face started turning purple and I didn’t know—”

I step out of the shower, cold air hitting my body. I didn’t even realize that I was naked, standing in front of Alex. I didn’t even care; I was only counting down the seconds until my head would explode. “What—what did you give her?!” I ask as I grab a towel, wiping at my face and body hurriedly. I barely acknowledged how Alex was gazing at me. I felt like my heart was going to burst into flames.

“I gave her some pancakes!” he answers. “I promise, that’s all!”

“Did you give her anything to drink?” I ask frantically as I pull on my underwear, strapping on a bra moments later. I wanted to puke; my stomach was doing gross flip-flops and roller coaster twists.

“Yeah, some hot chocolate—”

I stop dead, my back stiffening. My hands were gripping my shirt. Alex noted my motion and stopped talking, his jaw propped open. I spin around to look at him, whipping my shirt on smoothly. I then grab my pants off the counter. “Was anything in the hot chocolate?”

“Uhm, yeah, but she asked for the hot chocolate, I sw—”

“Alex!”

“There were marshmallows in it!” he concludes, sputtering. I once again freeze, my heart pumping louder and louder in my ears until it was almost deafening.

I clap a hand over my mouth, my vision going gray around the edges. “Shit!” I hiss, not even bothering with running a brush through my hair. I just grab a ponytail and pull it back in the messiest bun I’d ever done. “She’s allergic to marshmallows! Highly!”

“Rae, I’m so—“

“No time!” I cut him off, afraid that if I heard an apology that meant nothing, that I would break out into a panic attack. “Grab your keys and let’s go!” I grabbed my shoes but didn’t bother putting them on as I run past Alex and to the staircase, stomping down to the first story as my eardrums pulsed in my head. I couldn’t feel or hear or see anything as I run straight to the front door and out to Alex’s car.

He was hot on my heels and I slid in smoothly, screaming when I felt he wasn’t going fast enough. I shove my feet into my shoes as we pull out of the neighborhood, my knees curled to my chest as the engine accelerates.

I rock back and forth, my eyes squeezed shut tight.

There were too many red lights, too many stop signs as we drove, my heart pounding so hard I felt it would burst out of my chest.

By the time we finally roll into the hospital parking lot, I was on the verge of a full-on freak out. I could just feel all my nerve endings buzzing and adrenaline, the awful kind, rushing through my veins. The moment Alex swerved into a spot I was out of the car, sprinting toward the front doors of the big, tall white building.

In the front lobby it was pretty desolate, save for a few nurses and idle people. I immediately power myself to the front desk, slamming my hands on the counter to get the sleepy receptionist’s attention.

“My daughter was checked in about fifteen minutes ago,” I tell her urgently, my mouth speaking on it’s own accord. “Where is her room?”

“Ma’am—”

“She is having a fucking allergic reaction!” I screech. “Where is her room?!”

I could feel everyone’s eyes turn to me as the front door opens. I knew it was Alex, but I didn’t give two shits as the receptionist says shakily, “15A.” I didn’t hear what else she had to say as I spin away from the desk and sprint to the elevators a about three yards away, the sound of Alex running after me not even being comprehended. I wait impatiently as the elevator moved back down, my feet bouncing. Alex made it beside me in time, just as the doors slide open.

I step inside, my jitters getting the best of me as we rode up to Level A, my insides twisting and turning. I felt like I was gonna pass out, but I felt like I could run a marathon all at the same time.

But all I cared about was seeing my daughter.

We get to the right floor and I take off like a bullet out of the elevator, bumping past nurses in blue and pink scrubs and doctors in white coats. I ignore their words as I come upon the fifteenth door, my heart strings drawing tight.

The door was shut and appeared to be locked, the little white curtain pulled down, disabling me from seeing inside so I could see my little girl.

“No!” I cry, a sob bubbling out of my throat as I desperately try to grab the knob.

Arms wrap around my waist as my hands fall short, the person pulling me away. I felt like I was in one of those sad slow motion scenes from the movies as tears trickled down my face and my shrieks and cries go unanswered. “Rae,” Alex was whispering in my ear, his arms tightening as I struggle to get out them; to get back to my daughter who needed me. “You have to stop. Stop.”

It wasn’t harsh or commanding; it was a request. And I follow through, my body going slack against his as I finally give up. There was nothing I could do. I turn into him and bury my face in his chest, letting my tears just flow out and away. Alex allowed me to use him as a crutch, his hand coming up to smooth over my hair.

I wouldn’t budge as doctors and nurses asked us to move, so finally Alex scoops me into his arms in the bridal position, his lips brushing over my head.

“We have to wait,” he murmurs, carrying me into this little ugly, depressing room.

I just cried as he sat us down on a couch, my face still pressed against neck. He let me keep it there, my body curled into his as my tears wet his skin, his arm wrapped around me tightly to let me know he was there for me. And always has been.