Help Me, Save Me

4:30 AM

AMBER’S POV

It’s been so hard living with Brian lately. The guilt has been tearing me up inside. How easy do you think it is to sleep knowing that the person that’s been your friend for years is sleeping with their husband that you’re cheating with? I wish my heart would just stop so I wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.
I rubbed the top of my head as I slid from my bed. Screw sleep. I knew that I was never going to get back to sleep thanks to my racing thoughts. I dragged my feet across my bedroom floor, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the light. A rumble of thunder rang outside, actually causing me to jump. I hadn’t realized that it was raining outside until now. I shook it off and walked down the dark hallway to the kitchen. The rain pounded the roof and windows. I stared off at the window that was in the kitchen, lost in thought.

I stepped over to the coffee pot and turned in on. Ah coffee, my haven. The only thing that keeps me sane. Ah, I can’t wait till I could get out of this house. The lies swarmed around me like an annoying fly.

I felt large hands go onto my hips as lips were pressed against my neck. I tried to ignore it, but the kisses got more intense and rough.

“Brian, quit it,” I told him, trying to keep my voice down. “What’s wrong baby?” he breathed. I cringed at the word ‘baby’. He should only be calling Michelle that.

“I can’t do this anymore Brian. I love you but you’re…married. The guilt is killing me,” I cried, but he didn’t let up. He finally hit the sweet spot on my neck. And I won’t lie, I felt really good there. But in the pit of my mind, I knew it was wrong. But Brian didn’t move his lips from the spot on my neck, and soon I was getting really into it with him.

I turned my body so it was facing his and I pressed my lips against him, wrapping my arms around his neck. The guilt seemed to wash away with the taste of his lips. How could I give up something like this? He’s mine.

“Brian?” A hurt voice cried behind Brian’s back. Brian’s brown eyes popped open in shock and he immediately pulled away from me. I stood there like an idiot, staring at my best friend, her eyes full of pain as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“Michelle, it’s not what it looks like,” Brian pleaded, his voice suddenly full of regret. I covered my mouth with my hand and I looked down at the ground. I couldn’t stand to see Michelle’s face. It hurt me too much to look.

“Brian…you were fucking cheating on me…with Amber? Amber, how could you?” She screamed as more tears fell down her face. Tears of shame rolled down my face. Brian was caught between us, wondering who he should comfort. I shook my head slightly and ran to my room, my head hung low.

I slammed the door as I began balling my eyes out. I slammed my back against the door and slid down it to the floor. I crumpled into a little ball as I sob loudly. I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I couldn’t believe I was caught cheating with Brian. The sad memories of me and Andy returned to me. How could I let such a sweet thing go?

I heard the vibrating of my phone on the dresser. At first, I wished it would quit it. But then I thought it might be Casey so I crawled over to the phone. I slowly grabbed the phone and looked at the caller ID:

Johnny Christ.

With my voice trembling, I murmured into the phone, “Johnny-boy?” His breathing over the phone was heavily, almost like he was crying. The rain seemed to get louder on both ends of the phone, especially on Johnny’s end.

“Amber…get down to Forest Road…Casey’s been in an accident…” Johnny cried through the sobs. Oh God, not Casey. Please don’t take her. She’s a mother!

I hung up immediately but I had trouble moving. Did I really want to take the chance of meeting Brian and Michelle again? Fuck it, Casey and Zackie need me. I got up, wiped the tears from my eyes, and stormed out of my room. Even though I was still in my PJs, I got my keys, walking right past Brian’s worried look and Michelle’s disgusted stare. I walked right out the front door into the pouring rain and got into my car.

For thirty seconds, be strong for Johnny Amber, I told myself in my head as I backed out of the driveway and onto the slick road.

A FEW MINUTES LATER

I arrived at the accident scene. I opened the door and stepped out quickly. My hand went over my mouth as I looked at the carnage. I couldn’t find Johnny because there was too many people and cars everywhere. Flashing red and blue lights lit up the rainy night sky. There was so much yelling and screaming, I couldn’t hear myself think. I looked to the dead center of road to find a bright white car with major damage to the front of the car. Someone with a couple cuts and bruises was standing by the totaled car. I assumed that was the owner.

Something caught my eye and I looked over towards the curve. My mouth fell open even more as tears welled up in my eyes. That’s Zacky’s car…

The vehicle looked worse than the white car. The car looked like a black crumpled up newspaper. The windows were shattered and it looked like the front of the car got the worse of it. Oh my God, are Zacky and Casey okay?

I looked over a few feet from the car and I saw Zacky who was sitting on the ground. His eyes were wide, full of fear and confusion. His tattooed arms were wrapped around his knees as blood dripped from a cut on the top of his forehead and nose. I wanted to run to him and asked him what the hell happened but before I could move, policemen walked over to him and forced him to get up. They grabbed him by the arms and lifted him up. He tried to fight them off as the policemen tried to get handcuffs on him. One policeman tried to shove a breathalyzer into his mouth. A feeling in my brain wanted to help him but I knew I would get in major trouble if I even tried.

Eventually, the metal handcuffs got around his wrists and the breathalyzer was shoved into his mouth. Before I knew it, he was getting taken away by the police and was shoved into the back of the police car. I couldn’t believe that I saw Zacky get arrested. WHERE THE FUCK IS CASEY?

Finally the ambulances and police cars pulled away from the scene, their lights flashing. I didn’t catch a glimpse of Casey anywhere and that worried me. I immediately thought for the worse. A few tears mixed with the rain falling from the sky. God, please don’t take my sister from me.

I sat back down in my car and closed the door. I just stared at the scene through the pouring rain. I felt my whole body go numb. I heard the soft ringing from the car phone. I looked down slowly and saw that it said that Jimmy was calling. I relaxed a tiny bit and hit answer. I knew Jimmy would just know what to say.

“Hello?”

“Amber…Jimmy’s…Jimmy’s gone…” Leana cried through sobs. I fucking lost it. I began balling my eyes out. I’ve lost both of my closest friends in one day! Oh God, why did you do this to me? Please don’t take anyone else!

A FEW DAYS LATER

ZACKY’S POV

The guard sat me down in front of a counter with a glass window, a telephone handing from the little walls that surrounded me. I looked at the faint reflection of myself in the window. God I look awful in an orange jumpsuit. It felt so wrong being in this place. All I did was make a drunken mistake. I don’t belong here.

I licked over my lips while looking down at my scarred hands. My snakebites were now gone and so was my septum piercing. The piercing holes were now filled already. It felt really weird not having my piercings in. Stupid fucking cops.

The door opened at the end of the long gray room and I saw two people walk in. They walked past all of the other criminals and their visiting families. There was so much screaming and pain all around me. I closed my eyes, trying to block it out. God, did I fuck up.

“Zacky?” A soft, nervous voice called from behind the glass. Without looking up, I reached over to the phone and called into it, “Amber?” I looked up into her sad brown eyes. I looked over next her, where Johnny was sitting, his stare filled with anger. A pink blanket was in his arms. I automatically thought of Rose in the hospital, in her mother’s arms. Sadness hit me like a bullet as I thought of my baby. I still didn’t find out if my baby made it or not.

Amber opened her mouth to speak, but Johnny ripped the phone away from her and glared at me. “You cock sucking asshole. You’re the reason my sister is dead right now. She fucking loved you and you go ahead and ruin her life. Now she’s not even here to take care of her baby….” Zackie. She made it.

“Johnny…I will never forgive myself for what I’ve done. I’m sorry I took Casey away from you. But I promise I will not fuck up Zackie’s life because-“

“No Zack! You won’t be fucking up Zackie’s life. You aren’t going to be part of it. I got custody of Zackie. And I’m going to make sure that she doesn’t know that you are her father!” Johnny interrupted me. His words shook me. Zackie’s my fucking daughter!

Johnny pulled the pink blanket away from his arms, and I saw bright green eyes flashed back at me. A small baby lay in Johnny’s arms. The baby had dark black hair and looked exactly like Casey, only this baby had green eyes. I stared at my daughter as she squirmed in her uncle’s arms.

Johnny looked down at her then back up at me, his hazel eyes staring directly into my green eyes. “Her name is no longer Zackie. Her name is Hayley. She is the daughter of me and Lacey. She was born on the same day as Rose. She will never know that she is related to you. And if she ever finds out the truth…” Johnny told me, his voice threating. I was about to burst out at him in anger but then I remembered the position I’m in. Plus, I thought about the fact that it might be better for Zackie this way. After all, I did murder her mom.

“Fine…” I said to him, my voice as calm as possible. My eyes glanced down at the squirming baby in Johnny’s arms. The innocent green eyes of Zackie stared back at me, almost as she wanted her daddy. Tears formed in the pit of my eyes. I’m so sorry Zackie…

I watched painfully as I watched Johnny get up with Zackie/Hayley and walked away. Amber’s brown eyes looked over at my wet green eyes. She quickly glanced at Johnny and then picked up the phone.

“I promise Zacky that I’ll get Zackie back to you one day. And I promise I’ll help get you out of here. Stay strong Zack,” she told me as she stood up and walked out of the room with Johnny. I sat there in the chair in disbelief that I just gave my baby away.

I just hope that Johnny gives Zackie the life I could never give her.

A FEW DAYS LATER

AMBER’S POV

I walked past all the gray gravestones over to Casey’s. The funeral was just a day before and all of the flowers still lay on top of the dark green grass. I was dressed in all black as I looked up to the sky. It was sprinkling out as a dark gray overcast was above. I drove to the cemetery by myself. I just wanted to be alone with Casey for a while.

I sat down cross legged on the cold, damp grass staring directly at Casey’s grave. I kept rereading what was engraved on the simple gravestone.

Casey Marie Seward
1985-2009
Loved by many. Hated by none.
Always seized the day.
Missed by everybody.

A few tears ran down my cheek. “Casey, I miss you so damn much,” I said to myself, my cracking as more tears streamed from my eyes. I closed my eyes and memories flooded my mind.

“She’s really gone, isn’t she?” A deep voice asked from behind me. I looked up, my vision blurry from crying. “Andy?” I asked, secretly wishing it was him. My relationship with Brian is seriously fucked up now that Michelle found out. He’s been trying to fix his marriage with her, but I still can’t help but feel jealous and guilty. I’ve been really missing Andy lately.

He sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “Yeah it’s me baby,” his soft voice reassured me as he pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder. A smoky aroma came up my nose and I smiled a bit. It reminded me of times when Andy and I were staying married. I never really have gotten over him. I really wish I could have him back…

“Andy…I miss Casey…” I murmured to him and he just hugged me tighter. “I do too Amber. I do too…” He whispered back to me as we both sat there looking at the gravestone. It was dead quiet all around and that just made my sadness worse.

“You know, Jimmy and Casey are probably looking down at us, watching us. But now they don’t have to live in pain any longer. They are probably finally happy,” Andy told me softly and I smiled a bit. He was probably right. I knew he was right. I just had to wrap my arms around his waist and pull him closer to me.

I don’t know how this thing with me and Brian is going to work out, but as long as I got Andy, I could fucking care less.

“Help me, save me,
Tell me that the end is here
I am done with you
***
Because you and me are through
You couldn't help me
You couldn't save me
Now I know the end is here
I am done with you”