This Moment was Held for Me

After getting lost a few times, thanks to Gerard’s hopeless ability to give directions, we finally made it to the party.
“Having fun?” Frank murmured in my ear.
I nodded slowly in response.
Frank looked at me knowingly, “You’re not, are you?”
Truthfully, it wasn’t the best party ever. It was more like a quiet gathering with drinks. Plus, I didn’t know anyone expect for Gerard and Frank. But, I knew it was important to Frank so I had to act happy. Frank, and even Gerard, was nervous because the owner of a club was coming tonight and they both were hoping to get a regular gig.
“It’s fine!” I insisted.
He grabbed my hand and stood up from his seat, “Come on, let’s get you a drink or something.”
I walked after him with a smile, still holding onto his hand. We were in the kitchen, alone now, as Frank poured me a drink.
“I’m so nervous,” Frank said as he wiped up a bit of spilt wine.
“Don’t be!”
He bit his lip nervously, “We really want this gig, Mia. It could even lead to a record…” he trailed off.
I stepped forward into his arms, “Frank,” I said as I looked at his face seriously, “You can do anything you want, if you have the will.”
He held me around the waist and nuzzled his head into my neck, “I hope so.”
I lifted his head up so he’d look at me, “Trust me Frank. You can.”
Frank studied my eyes before kissing me hard on the mouth.
Suddenly, Gerard came running into the kitchen frantically, “Frank!” he hissed, “Stop making out! Get your ass out here! He’s here,” Gerard said hurriedly.
Frank let go of me and looked up at Gerard, “Really? Fuck man!”
Gerard grinned, “This is it! Act impressive,” he said as he brushed his shirt off.
Frank laughed, “Act? That’s natural for me Gee.”
I coughed in the background, “Uh, who’s here?”
Gerard turned his attention to me, “The bar owner, sugar. His name is Geoff.”
“Let’s go man,” Frank said to Gerard before grabbing my hand and pulling me back out to the living room.
A man wearing a smart black shirt turned around to look at us when we returned to the room. Gerard stuck his head out politely and said, “Hi Geoff, I’m Gerard. We spoke on the phone?”
Geoff smiled, a toothy grin, and shook Gerard’s hand warmly, “Good to meet you buddy.”
It was Frank’s turn now to greet Geoff. They shook hands warmly and Geoff complimented Frank’s tattoos. I could see Frank was immediately more at ease.
“Oh!” Frank said suddenly to Geoff before turning to me, “I forgot to introduce you two,” he said as he took my hand so that Frank and I were now standing side-by-side. Frank cleared his throat and continued, “This is Mia,” Frank said as I extended my hand to Geoff’s, “She’s my girlfriend,” Frank added happily. My hand suddenly went limp and our hand shake broke off. Frank and I had never established our relationship status? I had specifically told him I didn’t want to discuss it yet.

They continued talking about music and possible show dates as I sat on the couch thinking. I didn’t understand why Frank suddenly had called me his girlfriend. Granted, he had asked me out. But I made it clear that it wasn’t something I had thought about yet. What if he did that when my Mom or friends were around? Frank couldn’t just call me his girlfriend without my permission. I found it inconsiderate. Suddenly, a thing that should be simple and exciting – having a boyfriend – felt like something so complicated and sneaky. I felt guilty about having sex without Mom knowing. I felt guilty for ignoring Frank’s eagerness for a proper relationship. I felt mad because I couldn’t just relax when Frank was over my house. I felt sad because this is not the way I wanted to first hear that I was Frank’s girlfriend.
“Fuck,” I muttered mostly to myself as I ran my hand through my dark hair.
The rest of the night I spent sitting alone on the couch. Frank had almost forgotten about me. He was absorbed in his conversation with Geoff or Gerard or the other guys who worked at the bar. At 11pm we decided to head home. Gerard was going to stay a little longer and confirm his plans with Geoff. Meanwhile, Frank and I decided to head back to mine in a taxi.
“That was fucking great!” Frank exclaimed as we sat in the back of the taxi together.
“Good,” I said coolly as I crossed my arms. I knew that I should be happy for him and share in his accomplishment. I was being a bitch. But once I got started, I was too stubborn to turn around and change my attitude.
“You okay?” Frank said as he smoothly placed his hand on my thigh.
I nudged him away, “Not right now, Frank.”
“What’s up,” he said, slightly hurt.
“Don’t wanna talk about it,” I mumbled.
Finally we arrived at the end of my street, and Frank spoke to the taxi driver.
“Excuse me?” he said, “Can you just pull up here? That’d be great,” Frank said as he pointed to the corner.
“What are you doing?” I hissed.
Frank didn’t look at me but just said, “We’ll walk the rest of the way to your house. We need to talk first, though.”
We were now on the side of the pavement as the taxi drove away. Frank turned to look at me with his hands in his pockets.
“Okay,” he breathed out, “What’s wrong?”
I shook my head stubbornly, “I already told you that I didn’t want to talk about it.”
Frank clenched his jaw, “Fuck Mia! What is it with you? You never want to communicate. You just close up and pretend like there are no issues.”
I shrugged, “Fine, sorry.”
Frank frowned, “I’m not asking you for an apology. I’m asking for you to talk to me,” he stressed.
For a moment, we both didn’t speak.
Then Frank quietly began, “Mia?” he said softly and almost with fear, “Is this because…because I called you my girlfriend?”
I sighed heavily, “I guess.”
Frank was suddenly angry, “You’ve got to be kidding me?!”
“See! This is why I didn’t want to talk about it!” I said, “You just don’t understand, Frank!”
“You’re right!” Frank said angrily, “I don’t fucking understand,” he ran a hand through his hair, “What? You don’t like the fact that I’m actually proud to say that I like you? You don’t wanna be called my girlfriend? he added.
“No. I thought that I made it clear that my Mom is really wary about boyfriends! It makes me tense,” I said, “And I didn’t want to talk about it because it’s really complicated.”
“Yeah, well I let it pass the first time but this time I want to know where we stand,” Frank said strongly.
“Fuck,” I said under my breath, “Why does this have to be so complicated?!” I said out loud.
Frank grabbed me around the arms, “It doesn’t! You like me don’t you?”
I nodded, “Of course.”
Frank grips tightened, “And I like you. So what’s complicated about that?!”
“My Mom has all these rules,” I explained pathetically, “She’s trying to make it hard for me to have a boyfriend,” I confessed. I was so embarrassed. I thought Frank would suddenly realize that I’m a stupid, young high school girl with an over-protective mother.
“What?” Frank frowned.
“If I have a boyfriend, I have to do all these rules like call her where ever I am and have a curfew and everything.”
Frank shrugged, “Who cares? At least we’ll be officially together. It doesn’t really matter.” Frank released me from his grip and took a step backwards.
“No!” I insisted, “If I call you my boyfriend, I’ll have to let her know – I can’t lie to her. And then she’ll be nosy and worry even more. Right now she thinks we’re just friends, and she’s not that worried. It’s easier to manage.”
“You’re already lying Mia,” Frank said.
“Excuse me?”
“Does she know that we’re fucking?” Frank tried to prove a point, “Does she know we hang out basically every day? Does she know it’s me on the phone? Or do you tell her it’s Gerard? Or Amanda?” he ranted.
“That’s not lying. I’m not lying outright. I’m just not telling her anything.”
“Then don’t tell her we’re a couple!”
“She asks me all the time Frank!”
Frank swore, “You’re actually the one making this complicated, Mia.”
“You don’t believe me?”
Frank shrugged, “I don’t know. I just..I don’t understand.”
There was silence between us again. I didn’t know what to do. I felt really sick. I didn’t want to fight with Frank. I also didn’t want to be seen as the ‘bad guy’ who kept people at arm’s length.
“So what are we gonna do?” Frank asked as he scuffed his shoe.
“Can’t we just keep it the way it is?”
Frank looked up at me questioningly.
“Secretive,” I explained.
He sighed and thought for a while, before finally saying, “If that’s what you need.”
I sighed in relief, “It is Frank. It’s not you, okay? I really like you. It’s just that I can’t deal with Mom knowing and nosing around. It makes me anxious.”
“If that’s what you need,” Frank repeated.
I looked at the ground. I was sad that I couldn’t please Frank.
“C’mon,” I said as I grabbed his hand, “Let’s go home.”
Frank shook my hand off and I looked at him with surprise.
“Nah,” he said casually, “I think I’m going to head home to my house. I don’t want you to have to lie to your Mom or hide me in your room.”
I felt hurt and rejection but I knew that Frank was being rationale. I just had a niggling feeling that he was trying to get back at me.
“Okay,” I said slowly, “Well I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah,” he said as he turned around to head home in the other direction.
“Oh and Frank?” I said before he left, “Congratulations on the gig.”
He smiled weakly, “Yup.”
As I trudged home slowly, I felt a terrible feeling in my stomach. I had ruined Frank’s moment of happiness about the gig. I had ruined the night in general. I should really just deal with my Mom or talk to her about how I feel. I was just too stubborn and too nervous to do so.