This Moment was Held for Me

Soon after, I untangled myself from Frank cleaned myself up in the bathroom. I noticed that the door of Amanda’s room was shut and I stifled a giggle. I wondered what they were doing. No doubt she’d tell me all about it tomorrow.
“Frank,” I hissed excitedly when I returned back to the room. His eyes were shut and his mouth was slightly open as he breathed in and out.
He lazily opened one eye, “Yeah?”
“Amanda and Gerard are really bonding!” I said.
He rolled his eyes and lay his head back down on the pillow, “And that’s supposed to excite me because…?”
“Don’t be sarcastic,” I said seriously.
He grinned at me from the bed, “Why? You always are.”
“That’s not the point! It’s exciting! Amanda really likes him.”
Frank smirked, “I bet Gerard really likes her at the moment, too.”
I sighed and plopped onto the bed daintily, “Well what are we gonna do? Should we head back home?”
Frank sat up in the bed and let the sheet fall around to his hips. I couldn’t help but look at his chest.
“If you want,” Frank sighed.
I smiled and nodded, “Yeah let’s walk back to yours.”
I wrote a note explaining to Amanda where we were going. I bet that she’d actually be glad to have some quiet time with Gerard. Frank got changed quickly, and soon enough we were heading back to his house.
“It’s getting late,” Frank muttered as he looked up into the sky.
I nodded in response but was more absorbed at studying our intertwined hands. I loved being close to Frank. We walked silently back to Frank’s. It was a comfortable silence and it allowed me to focus on our footsteps, his breathing and the gentle hum of traffic in the background. We finally arrived at Frank’s and slowly walked up the stairs to his room. I was thankful that his mother wasn’t inquisitive or nosy. She didn’t even call out to check if it was Frank. Frank quietly shut his bedroom door. He walked over to the bed, kicking clothes and guitar books out his way as he went, and sat down again with a tired sigh.
“What do you wanna do?” Frank said as he sprawled out on the bed and yawned.
I, however, wasn’t tired. This often seemed the case whenever Frank and I were alone in a room together. I smirked at him suggestively.
“What?” Frank said eyeing me suspiciously.
I walked over to him and straddled him.
He giggled but pushed me off, “C’mon Mia,” he said.
“What?” I said this time.
“It’s late,” Frank shrugged.
“So?”
He shrugged again wordlessly.
I cuddled up to his side and planted a kiss on his jaw line, “So?” I repeated softly.
“Why don’t we just talk?” Frank said.
I smiled as I planted another kiss on his jaw line, “How about…no,” I finally said.
“I really want to just talk,” Frank insisted with a weak smile. “How’s school been? Graduation is next month, isn't it?” he asked.
I ignored him and nibbled playfully on his ear.
"Mia?" he repeated.
I ignored him and smirked as I went to kiss his lips but he moved his face quickly.
He looked at me seriously, “What’s up with you?”
“What?” I said.
Frank was calm but his words surprised me, “All you want to do lately is kiss or fuck. Occasionally, we get to hang out after school but mostly because I ask you to.”
I blushed with embarrassment, “That’s not true!” Was it? I second guessed myself. I guess the other day we hung out because he drove over. The time before that was because he invited me to that party...
He shrugged, “That’s how I feel.”
I thought silently for a moment before I responded, “Well I like being affectionate.”
He turned to look into my eyes, “I like that too, Mia. A lot, but –“
I cut him off, “Then what’s the problem?”
He sighed, “I guess there wouldn’t be a problem if I knew for sure how you felt about me. Sometimes I feel as though I like you way more than you like me.”
Again I sat in silence as I digested what Frank was suddenly confessing. I started fiddling with a thread from his bed sheet as I thought.
“Well?” he prompted me.
“I’m just thinking about what you said.”
“What is there to think about?!” Frank said angrily, “What you should be saying is ‘Frank, you are wrong, of course I like you and want to be with you.’”
I frowned and began slowly, “I’m sorry, I just wanted time to think about what you’re saying. Of course I like you Frank. I do want to be with you. But I don’t understand why we keep going around in circles? We had a similar conversation, what, 3 days ago? After that party? I said the same thing then! It’s complicated, remember? It makes me anxious, remember?”
Frank frowned back, “What about how I feel? Do you ever fucking give that a thought?”
I looked at him in shock and stammered, “Y-yes.”
“Bullshit, Mia. You just said you don’t understand why we have the same conversation over and over. It’s because I’m not settled with the result. You may be fine and dandy, but I still am fucking frustrated,” Frank explained to me.
I sighed with exasperation, “Why do you even care so much!? You’re supposed to be happy with a casual relationship!”
“Supposed to be happy with a casual relationship?” Frank repeated with disbelief, “You should be flattered that I don’t want to settle for something casual. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to wanting a proper relationship,” Frank said seriously, “I really want you as my girlfriend Mia,” his voice was softer now as though he was pleading, “The reason I care so much is because I really care about you. You are the most amazing girl I’ve met. I don’t just want to be your fuck buddy.”
“Who said fuck buddy?” I said ignoring Frank’s heartfelt description of me.
“Gerard did,” Frank said, “And you know what?” Frank said looking back up at me, “I couldn’t even defend that. We basically are.”
“That’s because it makes me anxious to have a serious relationship!” I repeated with frustration.
Frank raised his voice and pointed his finger angrily at me, “No Mia! If you really wanted to be in a relationship with me you would have sorted this shit out with your Mom. You would have just spoken to her about me and that way you wouldn’t have to be anxious. I think this whole anxious thing is just an excuse.”
“How the hell would you know?” I matched his anger, “My Mom is hard to handle. I’ve lived with her for the past 18 years whereas you’ve met her only a few times – you have no idea. She’s pushy, she’s nosy and she wants things her way.”
“No you want things your way, Mia,” Frank said, “A few days ago you were the one that said I could do anything if I had the will.”
“When?” I said snappily.
“At the party, before we fought!”Frank said.
“Yeah?” I remembered; it was when I was encouraging him about his music career. I took breath in angrily, “Well that was about a stupid fucking album, not my relationship with my Mother.”
Frank looked at me darkly, “Stupid album? That’s my dream, Mia.”
I swallowed back regret and stuck my chin out stubbornly. As I said before, instead of getting sad in fights I just get madder and madder.
“That’s important to me,” Frank repeated.
I shrugged, “My mother is important to me. I don’t wanna piss her off.”
“Am I important to you?” he questioned.
I saw Frank’s point but I wasn’t about to take back what I said. I was too angry. Though, at that point, I couldn’t decide whether I was angry at Frank, or angry at myself.