Until the End

I was five seconds away from pulling my hair out. It was literally unbearable. I had called Zacky and told him about what was happening. I ran all the way to the hospital with Hayden (it really wasn’t that far) and they took her away to the Emergency Room. That was two hours ago. I was holding my head up by my hands, literally rocking back in forth in my seat.

“Jimmy.” My head snapped up to capture Zacky’s sympathetic gaze. His eyes made me turn away, tears threatening to fall. His eyes made me think only of Hayden. “She’ll be okay, this is probably just one of her episodes.”

“No Zack, it can’t be.” I spoke with a gut wrenching sickness. I felt like it was true. Hayden’s episodes are typically over in a half an hour. She wouldn’t have been in there this long.

“You got to think optimistically Jimbo,” Johnny chirped.

“Shut the fuck up short shit,” I hissed, squeezing my hands into fists since they rested on my thighs now. Johnny fell silent, observing the white tiled floor. I felt kind of bad and admit I should probably apologize, but they knew I wasn’t in the right of mind right now. The girl I knew I loved with my heart and soul could be in trouble. And I couldn’t do anything.

“Hayden Fraser?” I was out of my chair quicker than I had ever thought. The red headed woman smiled sadly at us since the guys had gathered behind me. On a gold nametag was ‘Dr. Anderson’.

“How is she doc?” Matt asked quietly. Her smile disappeared into a frown. She sighed, looking down at the clipboard in hand as if to not make eye contact any way possible. I felt the tears burning behind my eyes again.

“I don’t believe she’s going to make it.” I covered my mouth before my sob could escape. I knew it. Today could not be happening so soon.

“What?” I could tell Brian was close to tears too. I’m pretty sure everyone was. But at the moment I was too busy trying to make my legs continue to hold me up.

“Her health had taken a sudden downfall. We called her doctor to hear about her disease, but she said this out of normal from what was normal. I’m sorry.”

“Where is she?” I demanded suddenly, shocking everyone, myself included. The doctor’s eyes softened and she nodded to herself, obviously agreeing with a thought she had.

“Last door on the left.” I bolted through the doors she pointed at, hoping I could make it to Hayden in time. I shoved the door open and nearly fell to my knees. Hayden had her eyes closed, her heart monitor beeping throughout the small room. There was so many wires and IVs connected to her that she seemed crowed in the room. Her eyes slowly slid open and she smiled weakly at me.

“Hey Jimbo,” she croaked. I shut the door behind myself before taking the only chair next to her bedside. I leaned forward to capture her lips in a kiss. She frowned, brushing back my bangs from my eyes. “Don’t look like that, please.”

“How can I not? You’re dying.” My voice cracked on the last word, my tears finally breaking their hold from my eyes. Hayden smiled sadly.

“We knew it was coming sooner or later Jimmy.”

“But you said you had months!”

“My doctor was hoping I had months. She didn’t know if I would or not.”

“But I didn’t think I’d love you as much as I do!” I shouted, launching my upper body forward to wrap my arms around her waist and sob into her stomach. Hayden sighed, rubbing my back as I continued to turn into a five year old again.

“I love you too Jimmy, I can’t even put into words how much I do. But I’m going to die. We can’t help it.” I calmed down enough to raise my head to look at her. The few memories I had the honor to share with her shot through my head. I smiled, cupping Hayden’s cheek.

“My beautiful, little lovely. You know you own me completely, right?” Hayden smiled at me, nodding.

“And you the same.” Her face twisted up in an invisible pain. I automatically had my hands hover over her body, as if I could find the problem with my eyes and cure it. Hayden smiled through her pain, forging happiness.

“Don’t you dare try to pretend you’re not in pain,” I muttered.

“Jimmy, I think it’s almost time,” Hayden whispered. I automatically forced myself onto the bed, laying with Hayden’s head on my chest. She smiled, draping her arms across my stomach. “I love you Jimmy.”

“I love you too Hades,” I sobbed.

“I want you to make me a promise. I want you to live life after this. Appreciate it as much as you’ve been before I met you. Don’t change it all because of a nineteen year old girl.”

“Nineteen? You’re eighteen.”

“Happy birthday to me,” Hayden chuckled. Suddenly her heart monitor began to beep slower and slower. I kissed her until it hit the flat line, letting a long beep fill the room. I detached my lips from hers, a few tears still running down my face.

“Happy birthday,” I whispered, holding her limp body tighter to me.

I will always remember you Hayden Lee Fraser.