Into Your Arms

Sleep didn't come easily that night; my mind kept thinking about what had happened just a few hours ago. The fight, the kiss, the story, the...suggestion. All of it was running through my mind at the speed of light. Jack's hurt face stuck in my mind, always there to remind me of the pain I've caused him. Alex's 'Bullshit' replaying like a broken record, letting me know that he knew I was lying to the three. Even now after everything, he knows me better than I know myself. Zack's and Rian's confused faces made me cringe, knowing that they probably are trying to get Jack to tell them what happened. But knowing Jack, he won't talk; he's too stubborn. All of this was speeding through my mind, not slipping away just for a few minutes so I could get to sleep. The whole night I kept tossing and turning. Finally, at four in the morning, I got some sleep.

The boys called around noon, asking if I'd like to go out to lunch once last time before we separated for tour and work. I agreed, a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. This was going to be the last time I see and talk to them for the next three months. Was I really going to do this?

I paid the taxi cab driver the money I owed him, thanking him quietly when he told me he's a fan and stepped out of the car. When I walked in, people stared and whispered, pointing at me. A few walked up, asking for an autograph and picture. I forced a smile, telling them that I was grateful for them being a fan, and looked around to find the boys. My heart seemed to skip a few beats when my eyes rested on the four. Four. Not three, like I had hoped expected. Although, the one who I wanted missing was a mystery. Did I want Jack gone because it was going to be too awkward? Or did I want Alex gone because of everything that's happened?

I walked over, greeting them quietly and sat down at the end of the table, my hands shaking. My order was taken along with there's, and then there was silence. Jack refused to look in my eye, obviously still thinking about what had happened yesterday. Meanwhile, his best friend was trying to catch my eye, which I quickly looked away from. Zack and Rian stayed quiet, obviously knowing about what happened. My heart sank. This is the first time it's ever been completely awkward with each other since we've been friends. "S-So, where's, uh, where's Lisa?"

Alex looked up quickly from his placemat, a shocked yet sad look on his face. "I kinda told her I wanted it to just be us five, because, uhm, it was kind of special. She understood. And she said she was very happy to meet you and would possibly like to m-meet up sometime."

This made me smile for two reasons. One, because Lisa said she wanted to meet up; she was the sweetest girl. And two, was because Alex didn't want her to come because it was special. And, despite everything, I was glad he was here. It wouldn't have been the same with just the four of us.

"Oh. Tell her it was great meeting her, too. Just give her my number, tell her to call me." I replied, and he smiled, nodding.

"So, Jasey, we have a little surprise for you tonight." Rian said, switching the topic quickly. I looked over at him, raising my eyebrow. "We have a show tonight!"

I smiled widely. My mind flashed back to when I went to the boys first practice. They were absolutely incredible. And now that they were touring and having bigger shows, I was positive they were going to be even more amazing. "That's great. I can't wait!" I laughed lightly, remembering Christmas morning when I received the tee shirt they had made me. "I'll wear my shirt!"

With this, Jack looked up quickly, a small smile on his face. "You kept that?"

Looking over at him and nodding, I smiled warmly. "Of course. I gotta keep it for a few years, then you guys will be huge stars, then I can sell it!"

Everyone laughed, and Alex added lightheartedly, "As if you need the money, Miss Baseball Star."

I laughed, winking friendly. "Hey, now, you have your profession, I have mine." The boys all got into a conversation about baseball, and this caused me to smile inside and out. It was like home all over again. As if we were back in Maryland, just going out to eat just as friends, with no cares in the world. Alex and I would have been flirting like mad, and Jack and I would flirt on the side as well. Rian would be talking about Kara, his girlfriend, and Zack would be talking about the girl he liked or something about skateboarding. It was just like old times: no drama. I was really going to miss them.

"Jasey, please tell Alex that the Yankees are going to the World Series with you." Rian said, looking over at me along with Alex. "Instead of Houston."

A small smirked danced on my lips, and I gave them a shrug. "I don't know. The Astros are doing really good this year. I'm hoping they do. If we make it, it'll be better if we go against them; we beat them this year already."

"HA!" Alex shouted, pointing at a now scowling drummer. I laughed, my cheeks turning red from all the people turning around to stare at us. Just like old times.

"Whatever." Risk grumbled lightly, a smile creeping on his face as well.

Our food came then, and we all dove in. Rian got his normal cheeseburger and fries, Zack ate his hamburger as well, Jack shoveled his sandwich down his throat, and Alex was practically swallowing his mini pizza whole. I laughed at the sight. It was disgusting to watch, but I didn't care; these were my boys, and I wouldn't have them any other way.

After everyone was done eating, the boys had to get to their venue to do a very quick sound check before performing. I sat in one of the seats about five rows back, a large smile on my face as I watched them get ready. Matt Flyzik joined me a few minutes later, giving me an adorable smile and a quick hug before sitting next to me. We talked about a few things, mainly the boys and how I knew them. I just told him the basics: I met them at school, and we were all just fast best friends. I told him that Alex and I dated, but kept the reason why we broke up to myself. Even though I should want to, I didn't want one of his best friends hating him for what he did. I may be a bitch sometimes, but I'm never that mean.

The boys finished up their soundcheck about fifteen minutes later, so Matt and I went our separate ways. He went to go do some work while I followed the boys backstage.

"I'm so excited, guys." I confessed to the four, receiving large smiles in return. Zack wrapped his strong arm around my waist in a casual manner, ignoring the stares he was getting from the singer and guitarist. The band All Time Low was opening for came over and started talking to all of us. The band's name slips my mind, but they were really friendly and big fans of me.

The fans were starting to come in, which meant Rian, Zack, Jack, and Alex had to be on stage soon. Rian told me to go stand next to Matt on the side of the stage so I wouldn't get mobbed by the fans. He told me that at one show, Jack had asked how many of the fans were fans of me, and nearly every single person either cheered or raised their hand. That made me smile from ear to ear.

I took my place next to Matt on the side of the stage, watching as All Time Low was introduced. The four ran out on stage, receiving immensely loud screams and cheering from the audience, which was mainly girls, but had a good portion of boys.

Watching the boys perform on stage was like watching them practice back in Maryland. It never got old really. I always loved watching Jack bounce and dance around the large stage, smiling and waving to the fans, and Zack's head and now short hair bouncing with the beat of his bright pink bass. Rian always seemed to go full out on the drums during the songs, complete with making the weird faces as he pounded the skins; it made me laugh histerically each time. And then there was Alex. He seemed to get so into the music and sing his heart out, and I adored watching that. Seeing someone with so much passion was always a treat to watch. The boys bantered back and forth, mainly Alex and Jack; they made constant sex jokes and sexual innuendos, causing the crowd to go wild. The atmosphere was incredible, and to anyone, it seemed like the four were born to be on stage.

The concert was now coming to a close. The boys seemed to only have one or two more songs before the main band had to come on stage. A stool was placed in the middle of the stage, and Jack, Rian, and Zack went to the other side of the stage, all staring at me. It must be a slow song.

Alex sat down on the stool, an acoustic guitar around his back as he brought the microphone up to him. A few strums later, he began to talk. I had a very bad feeling about this. "This last song is a song I wrote about two months ago." I raised an eyebrow. Jack didn't mention a new song. "And it's about a girl. A girl I fucked up with."

My stomach churned tightly as my heart picked up speed. This was the surprise, not the show. They wanted me to hear this song specifically, Alex especially. But what type of song was it going to be? A love song? An 'I'm sorry' song? A hate song? My stomach churned at the thought of him bashing me on stage. The news would quickly around the Internet, the whole world practically seeing it; I didn't want another Sally incident.

"I messed up big time with this girl. Honestly, she was probably the best thing to ever happen to me. We fell in love." The crowd 'aww'ed, but that made my stomach even worse. Alex continued to strum his guitar, his voice cracking a few times. My chin started quivering as I felt myself starting to cry. "And, a few days before she left, we...had sex. A few days afterwards, I wouldn't talk to her. I completely ignored her, and told her that she was just a casual fuck, and that it didn't mean anything."

Tears were starting to fall down as the crowd did a collective gasp, starting to whisper amongst themselves, wondering how their idol could be such a heartless jerk. How could he be telling everyone this? "But, I was lying. I was in love with her. I still am. And this song if for her. I want her to know that I'm sorry, and that I don't know how I can ever make up for this, and that I'm not worth being friends with anymore. Jasey Rae Scott, I'm sorry, and I love you." Alex finished up, starting to strum a little louder. My mind was racing with thoughts of what had just happened.

Alex still loves me.
He was lying that day?
Alex still loves me.
How could he do that?
Alex still loves me.
Why would he do that?

Alex still loves me?
Doubt it.

"Lights out, I still hear the rain, these images inside my head, keep my hands from making mistakes," Alex started to sing. "Tell my voice what it takes, to speak up, speak up and keep my conscience clean when I wake."

My vision was blurred from the tears as the song continued. The song stuck to my heart, but the line Don't waste your time on me stuck out the most. The song was a clear apology for what he did, and it even said my name in it, but it told everyone that I shouldn't waste my time on him anymore.

The song came to an end, the crowd going wild for the boy. He looked like he was about to cry, just like me, but he sucked it up, giving a grateful wave to the audience before him.

His gaze turned towards me, an unreadable expression on his face now. I shook my head, sloppily wiping away the fallen tears before turning around and running out.

This was too much. All we were supposed to do tonight was go out to lunch, then me watch them perform. A song wasn't supposed to be sung about me, and Alex saying he still loves me wasn't supposed to be said. We were fine on the way to the venue. Jack and I were on semi-speaking terms again, and Alex and I were just starting to finally acknowledge each other civilly.

A voiced called out my name, but I was quick to ignore it. I just had to get out of this building. It was too hot inside with everyone in there, and I felt so claustrophobic and I wanted to throw up. I just needed fresh air.

The second the cool air hit my face, I felt ten times better. My stomach let up and I didn't up chuck the contents of my full stomach. I grimaced at the thought; that would be disgusting.

"Jasey!"

I cringed, knowing that voice. It was the same voice that had told me he loved me, that flirted with me, that said sweet things in my ear. The same voice that fought with me, that apologized to me. The same voice that had just sung me a song. I wiped away the never ending waterfall of tears from my eyes, looking up at the sky. "What, Alex?"

It was silent for a minute, and I figured he was just trying to think of the right words to say. What could one say in this situation? 'Did you like the song?' No. "W-What did you th-think about everything?"

I laughed humorlessly, turning around to face him. I was so through with all of this. It all meant nothing. He doesn't love me. He's just trying to make it so he doesn't seem like such a bad guy. "I think it was a load of bull."

His face fell instantly, and despite all that's happened, I hated seeing it. "Why?"

"You're telling me that you still love me and that you were lying that day?" I asked, pointing to myself. My chin quivered, threatening another waterfall of salty water to fall down. I can't believe this is happening.

"It's the truth!"

"Bullshit! You never loved me! You were just saying all that to get in my pants!" I yelled, frustrated. So many emotions were running through me; it was overwhelming.

"No! I wasn't! I was in love with you, Jasey! I still am!" He said, taking a step towards me. It still looked like he was about to cry. Out of reaction, I took a step back, causing his face to fall a second time tonight.

"No! You weren't! You said it yourself that day!" I said, quieter now. My throat was hurting from the crying and the yelling. "Why did you do it, Alex? Why didn't you just get me drunk and have a one night stand like all those other girls?" I sucked in a shaky breath, choking on a sob. "Why did you make me fall in love with you? I waited for you for five months! I just waited for you to call and say you were sorry." I bit my lip hard, not caring if I looked like a mess. "That day I met you, I thought, 'Wow, this guy I guess isn't as bad as I thought; maybe he'll be different.' We spent all those months together, Alex! A-And, each day I fell in love with you. All that drama we went through to get together, I thought it was all worth it, because I finally had you in the end. And you...you said you were in love with me. I thought...I thought we were going to be together for a long time. That day...when I heard you and Jack fighting, I was praying you wouldn't say what you said. But...but you went ahead and said the worst thing you could possibly say to a girl. And you weren't different from all those other guys." I furiously wiped away the tears that were falling, trying my best not to sob in front of him. I hated crying in front of people. "Did you know that I kissed Jack when we were going out?" His face fell a third time "Yeah. Twice. Once when you were grounded and Jack and I went to the beach, and once on New Year's Eve! But every single time we kissed, I always thought of you! I always loved you more! And it didn't do me any good. You weren't different from all the other guys. You...you just wanted to show off to your friends!"

"No! That's not true! Jasey, everything that happened was true except the last day! I never meant to hurt you!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay, yeah, in the beginning, that was my intention. I was only going to get what I wanted, then dump you. But that next day, all my intentions were changed. I wanted to be with you, and not just a one night stand. I wanted to fall in love with you. And I did! I fell in love with you practically the day I met you. Jasey, all those fights we had, all the drama, it was so worth it, because in the end, I finally had you to myself. I got you to be my girlfriend. And we were so in love." He sighed sadly, looking at his feet before looking back at me. His dark brown eyes held so much emotion in them, causing my heart to drop. I hated seeing him so sad.

"But then I heard you were leaving so early. A-And, I was scared. I was scared I was going to lose you to some guy you met when you were traveling. You know me, I'm terrible with long distance relationships. I could barely get my homework done, let alone not be with a girl at all times. Jasey, I never understood why you liked me. I'm so bad for you. I cheat, I lie, I do stupid stuff. I wasn't worthy of being your boyfriend. So...I ended it, hoping you would find someone better than me."

Moments of silence passed as I stared at him. He was so sincere about all of it, and I knew he was telling the truth, whether I liked it or not. I understood his ways of thinking, but I hated that. "You could've talked to me; we would've worked it out."

He sighed, slumping his shoulders. "I know, and I should have. I'm so stupid." He looked at me, taking a step towards me. "Jasey, please, take me back. I can't stand not being with you."

I shook my head, more tears falling. "Alex, you really hurt me. I...I don't think I can take much more."

"I know! And I'll go to the ends of the earth to make it up to you! Please, I still love you, and I know you love me." He begged, taking another step towards me. Our bodies touching, he put my face in his hands, using his thumbs to wipe my cheeks. The touch made my heart soar, and I remembered all those nights we spent together. They were so amazing. But this was different. The boy that once was the main priority in my life was practically begging at my feet to forgive him.

"I have Destery, and you have Lisa." I whispered, my voice cracking. I didn't want to cheat on Destery again, and I didn't want Alex to hurt Lisa; she's such a nice girl who doesn't deserve it.

"We can change that. We can still be together." Alex said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut to stop the tears from flowing. This was all way too much. Everything was happening too quickly. I was still completely furious at the boy before me, and I wanted to cry so badly. I just wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I pushed angrily away from him, making him stumble back a little from surprise. "I can't forgive you, Alex. You hurt me so much."

"Everything okay out here?"

Alex and I looked over, and noticed a tall, lanky boy with skunk hair standing a few feet from us. Giving Alex one last look of anger before stomping over to my best friend, taking his face in my hands, I smashed my lips to his. Jack was definitely surprised at first, but after a few seconds, he kissed back, clearly enjoying and savoring the moment. I hope that really hurt Alex. A minute later, the lump in my throat reappearing as I pulled back. Panting slightly, I looked over a Alex, furious. His face was torn, between anger and sadness. He was about to scream out, but cry at the same time. And that was exactly how I felt as well. "If you think you can just write me a song and apologize and have me forgive you, you've got another thing coming. Alex, I can't forgive you. Yeah, I still love you, but you hurt me too badly. Stay with Lisa, she's really a great girl; although, I don't know why such a sweet girl like her is with such an asshole like you. Don't ever try to talk to me again. You know, you hurt me worse than that stupid man I have to call my father. And that's pretty low. Even for you." I seethed before pushing past him and booking it the hell out of there.

I just couldn't forgive him, not that easily.