Have You Ever Really Danced On the Edge?

I felt like throwing up. Then I began to examine myself. What was wrong with me, to have made Brandon just… choose someone else like that? I was little in height, but I certainly had meat on my bones: an average athletic build. Was it my hair? I frowned and realized I wasn't wearing makeup and I forgot to put deodorant on today. I felt so ugly.

FUCK.

I felt tears brim and then fall. I looked at my feet and urged myself not to cry… but the tears just kept coming.

I picked up my phone to hear the line still connected. Laura was on the other end, "Anna? Anna! Are you still there?"

I clicked the 'end' button wanting no more. I remembered my choice to choose Brandon over Vic, and my heart stopped. Man, I had a poor judge of character, didn't I? The worst part was, I couldn't go crying back to Vic. Victor didn't care I was hurt, he was probably feeling victorious in the fact that I was now hurting like I had made him hurt.

I understood it completely; I just didn't want it to be true.

For the first time in my life, I felt utterly… rejected. I felt the immense weight of disappointment. I felt… different. Life wasn't meant to be easy.

I've never had to move on from something; I never had to start over like this. In that moment, I felt my entire brain do cartwheels.

People disappoint you. Life isn't always easy. Learn from your mistakes. Let this pain help you get stronger. Tomorrow is another day. Roll with the punches.

I had heard these things: never taken them seriously, however. I knew they were adequate sayings, true sayings – but never this… honest-to-goodness TRUE!

I sound so dumb, maybe even naïve. I always wanted to believe everyone was a positive force in my life, that everyone had positive motives. Now I know that isn't the case, and I only have one person to thank for that: Brandon.

- - -

Three weeks past, and I had no word from Brandon. I found this slightly amusing but was mostly incredibly confused. He never ended it properly; I just assumed it was over. We both changed our relationship status on social networking sites to 'single'.

It was just accenting the fact that Brandon was a coward - a good for nothing coward. Many times I found myself pining for him again, then reminding myself fervently that it wasn't worth it. He wasn't worth it.

Hating Chelsea wasn't going to make me feel any better.
One day, I was feeling actually sick with hate for her, when I read a quote that stated, "For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness." Which sounds probably pretty lame to you, but it definitely struck a cord with me.

So, from that point on I immersed myself into my friendships. Taylor and Jaime easily embraced me. Mike and the boys were fairly ready to embrace me as well. They didn't know why though, because I never told them.

There was only one person to speak to me, other than wanting me to 'pass the potatoes' or 'what time does the Penguins game start'… and that was Vic.

Obviously.

If I were being honest, I think he would be my friend and support me if he found out about Brandon. But I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone.

The fear of the 'I told you so' expressions was too much to bear. So I kept it a secret.

For three weeks, I went through the motions: fake smiles, fake laughs, and fake happiness. The cavity where my heart should be felt empty, but I had to pretend. It was like the only way.

While I was faking, I went through a roller coaster of emotions: first I was sad, then mad at Brandon, lonely, rebellious.

But nobody noticed.

-- -

(Taylor's POV)

I noticed. Right-a-fucking-way. I was more in tune with Anna's emotions than she thought. But I was her older sister; it was almost my job to protect her.

It was one night after we went to Vic's house. Anna was silent nearly the whole time, only chuckling when Tony successfully pulled a prank on Jaime, causing him to trip and fall. But Anna was so… somber. Like dead almost.

Afterward, us three – Anna, me, and Jaime – went back to our apartment to relax. Jaime would probably sleep overnight, as he had a couple of beers and was in no shape to drive.

She went straight to bed. As soon as I heard her door close tightly, I spun to Jaime, who was spooning behind me. Our chests were touching and our legs were intertwined. "Something's wrong with her," I say.

Jaime just smiles at our proximity and tweaks his lips. "Why do you say that?"

"I don't know, she hasn't been herself for at least a week. She's been so quiet." I insist, and Jaime drops his smile to really ponder.

"Hmm, well, I remember Vic saying something that they aren't friends anymore. She got back together with Brandon."

I reel back slightly, shocked. "She did? I mean I knew they were talking again but I didn't think they rekindle anything."

Jaime nods, "Yeah. That was a while ago."

Suddenly an idea: "Maybe they broke up! That's why she's so sad!"

"…But why wouldn't she say anything?" Jaime asks, doubtful.

I'm puzzled, "I don't know. But what I do know is that Vic and Anna need to become friends. I can tell it's hard to function for them without being close."

Jaime laughs, knowing exactly what I meant. "Yeah, it's terrible! Vic still tries to cover up that he still gets nervous before coming over here. Everyone else knows they should be together except them."

"Aw!" I coo, "He still gets nervous?"

"Yeah, like green-face-gonna-vomit nervous!" We laugh together, and I rest my head on his chest.

Jaime kisses the crown of my head, "Aw, Taylor, I love you."

"I love you too, Jaime."

"I have a good idea," He says after a moment of silence. "With Brandon out of the way, we can truly play matchmaker. There's nothing holding those singletons back!"

My eyes light up at the thought. We spend the rest of the night brainstorming ideas.