Born and Broken Every Single Time.

“Hey Frank!” Mrs. Way greeted me chirpily. “I haven’t seen you in so long! You look different!”

“Hi,” I smiled. “Is Mikey in his room?”

“Yeah, just head on up sweetie!”

I walked casually upstairs; relishing the fact I was back here. It had been over a month since I’d been here and I had missed it. But even more I missed the people. My home felt more like a house, a mere place that held my residence but here, here I felt part of something when I was here, part of a family. Part of an actual home.

“Mikey!” I yelled as I threw myself onto him with a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“Frank! Shit! I didn’t expect you!” he grinned as he recovered from my semi tackle. “How did you persuade them to let you out?”

“I didn’t,” I grinned. “Someone made a certain slip of leaving a key in the kitchen.”

“You snuck out? Dude you’re ass is going to be kicked mega when you get home!”

“Worth it though,” I smiled “It’s ridiculous there.”

“Cool beans.”

“Cool.. beans?” I giggled. Mikey had a thing for using strange expressions. “So how’s things been here?”

“Good man!” he grinned. “It’s weird to have a another girl around the house though.”

“Another girl?”

“Yeah, Eva stops by about half the time, she’s well nice! Wait, do you know who-“

“Gerards girl? He told me on the phone.”

“Oh! Fair enough, well yeah. What do you think of her then?”

“What does he think of who?” Before I could tell Mikey I didn’t know her so couldn’t make a judgement, avoiding the topic of insane jealously venting in her direction, Gerard appeared at the door. Thankfully he was alone.

“Doesn’t matter bro,” Mikey smiled. “But it’s like old times, we have Frank back!”

“Yeah that’s great,” he replied, smiling affectionately at me. “It’s great to see you’ve put some weight on.”

“Thanks,” I blurted out. Something just didn’t sit right with that statement for me. I’ve put weight on. I felt myself subconsciously scanning my image, thinking to when I’ve looked in the mirror recently. It was horrible, he was right. I’d put weight back on.

“You look great Frank, seriously,” he smiled. “Perfect.”

“Ooh! Get a room,” Mikey grinned as he burst out laughing. Both Gerard and I laughed along gently, but I don’t think Gerard was aware of what he had said to me. Making me realise I was fat, then having the audacity to call me perfect? Just to rub in the fact that I’m not, I’m anything bar it, as far from it as I could be. Wow, this was a strange feeling.

-

“It’s ready!” Mrs. Way yelled up to us. Mikey and I lay on the floor peering up at the television for what was deemed entertainment, apparently. Gerard was in his room but I could hear him on the phone to someone, probably his girl. This thought circled my mind repeatedly as Mikey spoke over the delightful television listings. I didn’t even care; I just found it strange. Well that’s what told myself anyway.

“Get down here now!” she balled again. “Don’t make me come up there!”

“Come on dude,” Mikey grinned.

We headed downstairs to find the table laid in it’s usual perfect manner. I’d missed this formality. It was nice to just sit at a table and feel like a family, even if it’s not yours to be part of. I was used to just taking what little I did eat to my room and munching it in front of the television.

“When will that boy listen?” Mrs. Way laughed as she sat down at the table. “Frank would you be a sweetheart and kick Gerards ass for me?”

‘With pleasure’ I thought to myself. Tut Frank, just tut. “Sure, no problem,” I smiled.

I jogged casually up the stairs and walked along the hall quietly, standing outside Gerards room and placing my ear close to the door. Hopefully he wouldn’t hear my presence. He’d kick my ass. Ooh!

”Yeah I know,” he laughed. “I remember telling him he was wrong but I guess he wasn’t. I’m really glad I was wrong though, you make me so happy sugar.”

I could just imagine him lying on his bed, grinning as he spoke. I felt myself wanting to go tell him to go for dinner, but I couldn’t bring myself to tear away from the door. It was an insight into Gerard that I wouldn’t turn down.

”Hmm I’m not sure, I know my ‘rents wouldn’t mind or Mikey. Depends if you’d mind the lack of space..”

I had a feeling I could tell where the conversation was going, and whether it was my impatience – which I knew it wasn’t – or jealousy I denied I had I opened the door and awkwardly looked at Gerard as he sat silently with the phone in his hand, looking at me curiously.

“I’ve gotta go sugar, love you.” I watched as he smiled, probably at her reciprocated statement before looking back at me.

“Dinners ready,” I mumbled. “They shouted but you didn’t come down.”

“Oh, shit sorry,” he smiled before placing the phone on his bed and following me.

He offered his apologies to everyone as he confirmed my suspicion that he was on the phone to Eva. We had been made spaghetti Bolognese, the vegetarian option of course. They were always kind enough to plump for vegetarian food when I was there.

“So I was wondering…” Gerard began as everyone else tucked into their meals. I sat twirling the pasta on my fork and watching Gerard as he spoke. Being opposite him made it easy enough to stare, not that I needed an excuse. “Would it be okay if Eva stayed for a while? I mean I’ve known her for like forever and-“

“Of course!” his mother shouted excitedly. “About time! Looks like you’ll be owing me a fiver Mikey.”

“You bet on it?” Gerard grinned.

“Yeah,” Mikey sighed. “She said she’d move in here, I said it would be the other way round. Either way we knew it would happen.”

“Oh,” Gerard smiled. He seemed so happy now, in general with his life. And here was me, feeling like the world was on my shoulders. Such a contrast for one dinner table,

“You’re not eating much Frank, don’t you like it?” Mrs. Way smiled over at me.

“It’s great,” I smiled. “I’m just really not hungry sorry.”

“It’s fine sweetie,” she grinned. I felt slightly happier in the knowledge that her sincerity was truthful. She wasn’t one of these people who were like ‘I don’t mind’ but secretly did. She spoke as she thought.

I looked up from twirling my spaghetti to find Gerard looking over with another concerning look. ‘Eat,’ he mouthed gently. I shook my head as I forced myself to keep eye contact. ‘Please,’ he mouthed again. I returned his plea with another shake of my head and knew that it was all downhill from here.