Falling to Pieces

I woke up to Lindsey yelling, the horrible sound hurting my head. I rolled over and snuggled against the pillow.
Then the pillow moved.
“You're not a pillow,” I mumbled.
Joel laughed softly. “No, I'm not.”
“My head hurts,” I whined.
“That’s the evilness of alcohol,” he said gently, careful to keep his voice down.
He pulled the covers up and pulled me closer. I was comfy enough to sleep.
Then my phone rang.
“Ugh!” He groaned.
I picked it off the floor. “Hello?”
“Hey Rose, its Kyle.”
His voice was too loud, it gave me a headache.
“Yeah?”
“Are you drunk?”
“No, you just woke me up,” I mumbled.
“It’s three in the afternoon. I called the house and Thomas said you never came home. Where are you?”
“At a friend’s,” I groaned laying back down.
Joel pulled me back in his arms.
“The loser?” Kyle asked.
“No,” I somewhat lied, “Lindsey’s”
Joel chuckled.
“Who’s Lindsey?”
“A friend from school.”
“Oh, well ok. As long as you’re not getting wasted with that druggie. ”
“Well go pray for him,” I snapped, “I have to go.”
I hung up and dropped my phone back on the ground.
“Nice,” Joel laughed.
I did feel bad for not telling Kyle the whole truth, but I didn’t want to him to object to the one thing I had that made me happy. I didn’t want him to tell me that the one person I had made me feel important was a bad influence. And I didn’t want him to tell me that what I was feeling was just a hormonal crush, and nothing of significance.
I turned to my side to face him. He smiled and tucked a stray hair behind my ear.
“How are you feeling?” He asked.
Last night’s scenes came crashing into my head. “Fine. I'm sorry that happened, that wasn’t fair to you.”
He hugged me closer. “Just as long as you’re ok now.”
I nodded and closed my eyes. I could hear the even breathing coming in and out of his mouth.
Then I heard the door slam open.
My eyes flung open.
She was clenching her hair, her eyes black and wild. “Joel!”
Joel was off the bed in seconds and had her in his arms. I wondered if the alcohol was making me slow.
“Hey, easy,” he whispered in her ear.
Lindsey was gasping now. “J…”
I got up and looked at Joel. “What's wrong?”
“Nothing!” He practically barked at me.
He pulled her into another room.
“Rose get out of here!” He yelled.
“What? Why?” I demanded.
I walked into the room.
Lindsey was on the floor against the wall and was looking at me like she was going to attack me.
Joel pulled me out of the room and into his room. He grabbed my things and dragged me out the door. He let me go then went back in and shut the door in my face .

The next few days he wasn’t at school. Thursday he wasn’t there either. And when Friday rolled around I decided that I shouldn’t care anymore.
My phone rang as I walked out of the school.
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s Lindsey,” she said. That was the last person I would think to call me.
“Ok?” I said, still a little pissed off from the other day.
“Yeah well I really need to talk to you.” She said.”
I kept walking. “About what?”
“I need to tell you in person. Joel isn’t here; he’s not suppose to be back for a few days.”
Obviously it was important if she was mentioning that Joel wasn’t around. She probably had something to tell me that Joel wouldn’t want me to know.
“Ok, I’ll be there in a few minutes,” I said.
“Thank you,” she said.
Then the line went dead.
I sighed and went downstairs to the subway. I got on and picked a seat. I pulled out my book. It was a romance book. I hated that I liked them. I mean they are so flippen girly and unrealistic. I mean how can two people seriously be drawn to each other like that, its not possible. And I don’t believe in marriage. Its not possible to mate for life, unless you’re a penguin.
I got off the subway and walked to Joel’s apartment. I knocked once.
Then door opened to Lindsey who was wearing a yellow shirt that said “Duck” on it. Her hair was pulled back into a messy pony-tail.
“Get in,” she hissed pulling me in.
She glanced around then pulled me in her room..
I suppose I'm not surprise to see empty beer cans, t-shirts, and magazines flung across the room.
“Ok I don’t know how to explain all this,” she said nervously walking back and forth.
I sat on the floor. “Just tell me, it cant be that bad.”
She stared at me then plopped down in front of me. “Its complicated, and I'm scared of what Joel will”—she looked away—“I see the way he looks at you, the way you look at him. I hear him yell at himself all the time”—she looked back at me—“I want you to know these things before you two get serious, cause it’ll hurt more then.”
I nodded, pretending that I had any idea what she was saying. But I didn’t say anything because I wanted to know more.
“Can I ask you something?” She asked.
“Sure.”
“Do you love him?”
It was as straight forward as that. I wondered how to answer that. I looked down at the carpet and picked at it. “Yes.”
“Why are you afraid of that?” She asked again.
“Because I don’t want to lose him,” I explained hoping she would understand.
Apparently she did. “You know that none of us are related right?”
“Joel told me that.”
“Good,” she said, “Did he tell you we use to be together?”
I shook my head. Well of course he wouldn’t tell me that.
“Joel and I met at an art show. We had a relationship, but it really wasn’t all that serious. We both were living alone so we moved in together. We met Ryan and, well you’ve seen him, we felt sorry for him, He had no home really, so we took him in. We all kinda grew as a family. Joel and I were never more than brother and sister. That’s the only way I love him.
“But you see, the thing you need to know about Joel is that he’s heartbroken, like you, only he’s good at hiding it. He well, um, lost his family.”
Lindsey went quiet. I already knew this, but I wondered if she was about to tell me how he lost his family.
“Rose he killed his family,” she blurted out.
I looked at her and almost laughed, that sounded so ridiculous.
“No he didn’t,” I said.
“It was and accident,” She defended him.
They were all very good at acting. If they didn’t want me around they could just say so. I got up and ran out her room Lindsey grabbed my wrist.
“Another question. Why do you think we’re so cold?”
Her fingers were just as cold as Joel’s. But they weren’t related. I stared up at her.
She raised an eyebrow. “That’s right, we’re not related.”
She watched as I ripped my hand away.
“We all have the same eyes!” She yelled, “My breakdown the other day? I’ll tell you one thing, I don’t have asthma!”
I backed away, shaking. I felt myself hit the front door. I spun around and opened it.
Joel stood there.
I thought she said he wouldn’t be back for a few days. She’s just a liar!
He caught me with strong hands as I tried to get out the door.
“Rose?”
Killer.
My head spun.
“Lindsey what did you tell her?” He hissed, hugging me close so my face was buried in his shoulder.
“The truth hurts sweetheart,” she said.
“How much did you tell her!” He demanded.
“Just about your family. She freaked out before I got to the juicy stuff.”
“Screw you Lindsey,” He said, picking me up.
I felt him carry me to his room. He shut the door then put me on his bed. He kneeled in front of me, waiting for me to look at him.
“Rose look at me” he pleaded.
“Why? “ I hissed, “Are you going to kill me too?”
I heard him growl,” Rose I don’t need to explain myself ok? I'm not a murderer.”
“How’d you kill them?” I whisper.
That’s when he grabbed my face and forced me to look at him, I didn’t care that it hurt. “Why wont you trust me?”
“I don’t know!” I yelled. “Maybe it’s because I barely know you? You practically know my entire life! I know nothing about you!”
“I don’t know everything about you! What happened to your father huh? And when I mention your mother you burst out in tears!” He yelled at me. I stood up and threw whatever my hand picked up first at him. It was his folder of paintings he had shown me.
“I hate you!” I shrieked at him.
He grabbed my arms with his iron grip.
“Rose I'm sorry,” He said holding me still, “I’m so sorry.”
“You never let me hide anything from you,” I whispered, the anger had subsided.
I stared at Joel’s eyes. They were swimming in tears, threatening to fall.
“I don’t want to lose your trust,” he said, his usual composed face torn.
“Joel…” I began but I couldn’t say anything as a tear fell from Joel’s eyes, followed by more.
I searched his face for a second then pulled him into my arms. He buried his head in the curve of my neck and mumbled something.
“It’s ok to cry,” I said, stealing the words that he had used that comforted me.
I held him tighter as he shook. It scared me to see him like this, to see this side of Joel. He had always comforted me when I cried, now it was backwards.
“Rose, tell me I haven’t lost you,” he whispered, raising his head to look at me.
I stroke his face with shaky hands. “You haven’t.”
Joel pulled out of my arms only to sit on the bed. He leaned back against the wall. I wormed my way back into his arms.
He smiled and smoothed my hair out of my face.
“I’ll explain everything to you, just not now. Be patient.”
I laughed quietly. “I’m not a patient person.
He chuckled, “Don’t I know,” And then seriously he added, “I need to figure out a way to tell you.”
I gazed in his eyes. “Just tell me.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Why can’t it be?” I asked.
Why did everything have to be so hard?
“I don’t know, I wish it was,” he sighed.
I scrutinized his face. “It’s bad.”
He nodded. “It will change the way you look at me.”
I wove my fingers in and out of his jet black hair.
“It has something to do with your weird eyes and why you’re so cold.” It wasn’t a question, but a fact.
He didn’t want me to catch on, that much was clear.
“Yes,” he said carefully.
“And why Lindsey freaked out. “ Again not a question.
“Yes.” Just as careful.
I thought for a moment and nothing came to mind. I mean what could there be?
“I honestly don't know”
Joel kissed my forehead. “Good. And I’d love it if you would think about it. You're too smart, you’ll figure it out.”
I shook my head. “Doubt it.”
He hugged me closer and whispered in my ear. “I’ll tell you, don't worry.”
“I don't, I trust you.”
He kissed my temple and just held me in his arms.
* * * *
He wormed his way out of her grip and laid her on the pillows. For a human she was pretty strong.
He tip-toed out of the room and closed the door behind him. He walked to Lindsey’s room. He hoped she was ready for all the hell he was about to give her.
He walked in.
Lindsey jumped. “What happened to knocking? What if I had been getting dressed?”
He shrugged. “Cover up then. Now can you please explain to me your condition?”
She sat on her bed. “Condition?”
He balled his fists up. “Yes condition. You must have lost your mind!”
“Oh, that,” she mumbled.
“Yes that,’ he said, “what were you thinking?”
She looked down. “I—I thought I was doing you a favor.”
“You can’t be serious! You almost told her that we are immortal. God Lindsey for a smart person you sure don’t use that brain of yours. What if you had told her? She was already afraid when you told her about my past! Now she probably doesn’t trust me anymore. You got her thinking I'm some kind of serial killer. What do you think her reaction would be if she found out the rest?”
“I'M SORRY!” She yelled.
Joel froze.
Lindsey buried her face in her hands and terrible sobs escaped her throat.
Joel ran to her side and put his arms around her. He laid his head on her shoulder.
“Shh, Lindsey I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry. Please forgive me.”
She lifted her head and leaned against him. “I just want her to know so you don't have to hide. I know how much you love her.”
“Love is a strong word,” Joel breathed.
Lindsey chuckled. “Why are you two so afraid of each other?”
Joel raised his head. “What?”
Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Don't pretend. You know that she likes you too.”
He chuckled and kissed her cheek. “I'm sorry I yelled at you. I’ve been making everyone cry today.”
Lindsey smiled. “You're going to have to learn how to control that temper around her. She’s a little more breakable than me.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Well, go back to her,” Lindsey said, “Get out of my room. And remember to knock next time.”
Joel smiled and walked out, shaking his head.
He went back into his room. He saw all of his pictures on the ground from Rose’s little angry fit. He picked them up and put them back in the folder. He paused when he saw the outline of her that he had drawn the other day. He went into the kitchen and got his paint brushes. When he returned Rose was sitting up in the bed. She had her bag in her hand.
“Hey,” He said.
She smiled up at him. She seemed to be doing that more theses days.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“I was going to paint,” he said.
“Oh,” she said, “Well don't let me stop you.”
He shook his head and put the paint brushes down. “I get real into it when I paint, I’d just get distracted and then the picture wouldn’t be that good.”
She smiled.
She took his paint brushes and eyes him playfully. It was a bit nerve wrecking the way she went to his desk that was piled with his art supplies, everything was put in its own unique spot that kept it organized. She got a bottle of blue paint and opened it.
“What are you doing?” he asked with a hint of hysteria.
She dipped his paint brush in the paint then came at him with it. He ran onto of the bed. “What are you doing?!” He yelled.
She laughed and jumped on the bed with him. She pounced on him, sending him on his back. She laughed and started painting on his cheek.
“What are you doing crazy person?” he laughed.
“I’m painting,” she said simply.
“Yeah, I see that, but why is it on me?” He asked.
He wondered if this was her personality before her mother was sick. She was so different than when he first met her. And he had to admit that he liked her better now, when she smiled every five minutes and her laugh played like her favorite song.
“There,” she said sitting up.
He took the paintbrush and dipped it in the paint and grabbed her jaw. He began to paint a heart on her cheek, the simplest shape that meant so much.
When he was done she went to his mirror. She laughed. “That’s what I painted on you.”
He was curious now and he looked in the mirror beside her. On his cheek was a blue heart. But in the dark it looked black. A black heart, lovely.
He saw her turned to look at him in the mirror. He turned then too.
Kiss her.
For once he listened to his conscious, or wanted to. He didn’t know if he should. Again this dilemma was in his head.
But this time she solved it for him. She stepped closer to him. He smiled and leaned his head down and pressed his lips very gently to hers. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. Her fingers laced through his hair.
It was such an amazing feeling that he hadn’t felt in such a long time that he had to smile. She smiled under his lips too. He pulled away and his grin grew bigger. He leaned down to kiss her again but she broke out laughing.
“Stop laughing,” he laughed, “I’m trying to kiss you.”
That only caused them to laugh harder.
After the giggles wore off he pulled her back into his arms. He ran his fingers up and down her arms, liking the sudden bolt of her heart beats.