Till the Day That I Found You

After about five minutes I realized something: I wasn't listening to my normal radio station. Erica's McFly CD was in the thingy. I noticed it was Motion in the Ocean, her favorite record, the song Bubblewrap was on. I didn't mind it so I just kept it on. I glanced at the passenger seat Nathan's old sweatshirt was there. It all came clear to me suddenly: Erica was remembering the night he left. It's not like we stopped talking to him or anything, that'd be kinda hard, obviously. But sometimes Erica did that to herself, almost torturing herself with bad memories. I flinched, because I too remembered it so vividly...

We were in Maine, it was after the show and meet and greet. Erica was taking a nap. There was a pillow in my lap and she was curled up on the couch next to me so her head was on the pillow. Michael was making stupid jokes, Cameron, and Nathan were watching TV.

"Oooo, Zach. You just like her head next to your," he made little pelvic thrusting motions.

I threw a pillow that was next to me at him, "Shut the hell up! One, because she's sleeping and two, because that's not true. At all. Honest."

He laughed and walked away. I went back to watching TV with Cam and Nate, while playing with Erica's hair. One of her hands was curled up and under her chin and the other one was clasped with Nathan's. He looked sad and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"You're going to have to tell her you know."

"Zach, you don't think I know that. Come on, really. Do you realize how hard this will be for me?"

"Then don't go."

"I have to," he had turned to face me. His eyes were drooping and he rested his head next to Erica. "How do I tell her? I mean, I was suppose to see McFly in concert with her."

"She's very forgiving you know," Cam said trying to aid in the situation.

"I know. But," his head sunk even more. "I love all you guys so much, it's just different with Erica."

I had known for a while that Nathan liked Erica more than Erica liked him. She never realized it and Nathan never said it out loud. So I never brought it up. It must have been heard enough seeing her with me, so he wouldn't want to hear, "She's mine. Back off, bro." He understood that they could only ever be friends. And Erica showered him with love anyway so I guess that was good enough for him.

"Nate," I said almost in a whisper. He lifted his head up to look at me. "Dude, you have to just be straight forward with her. She hates when people beat around the bush, she likes it better when you just bulldoze it down. To her it'll hurt less in the long run. I know you know that, but you know her just as much as I do. Don't say it the moment she wakes up, wait until she isn't so groggy. Tell her that you'll always be here for her, because we all know that's one hundred percent true." I stopped thinking of what else to add. Before I could speak again Nathan spoke up.

"Thank you, for everything," he blinked and looked down at Erica's cheek. In a soft voice so Cameron wouldn't hear he said, "I know you know how I feel, so thanks. Thanks for, in a sense, sharing her with me."

I smiled, "No problem. I couldn't really control it anyway, she's despise me if I told her she couldn't hang out with you. She loves you, man. I mean look, she's holding your hand while she sleeps."

Nathan smiled then got up. He stretched and let go of Erica's hand. "I better finish packing." He went off to our room.

After about an hour Erica woke up. She rolled over so the back of her head was on the pillow. She looked up lazily.

"Good morning, sunshine," Cameron noted.

Erica stretched out on the couch. Her back stiffens up sometimes, "What time is it?" Then she looked to her right, "Where's Nathan?"

"It's about eightish, and he's in his room."

She sat up and scooted back so her butt was up against my thigh. I smiled then put my hands on her hips and sat her up on my lap. She leaned down into my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck. She was in an awkward cuddled position so she as sitting in my lap and watching TV with Cam and me. When the show was over Erica sat up again.

"But why hasn't Nate came back?" She got up.

I grabbed her hand, "I bet he'll be back any minute."

She shook her head, "No. I'll be right back. When Nathan get's like this he needs me next to him." She walked out of the room. Within five minutes she walked back in, "Why Sleepy Pooh wearing Nathan's favorite sweatshirt?"

"What?" Cameron and I said in unison.

"Sleepy Pooh?"

"Wait, what are you talking about?" I said standing up.

"Come on, look," she pulled my hand out of Cameron and Michael's room and off to ours and Nathan's.

We got to the room and she picked up her Winnie. He was, in fact, wearing Nathan's weird hippie-dippy woven sweatshirt. Erica looked around in confusion. Nathan walked in with a takeout back from Chipotle.

"Hey." The word lingered in the air.

"Nathan, what's wrong? I can tell something's up," Erica looked at me, "Zach?"

I looked at Nathan. He looked down. Erica ran up to him and picked his head up a bit.

"Hey, hey. Come on. Nathan, what's wrong?"

"Can we get some burritos in our system first? I got your favorite." Nathan said softly.

Erica nodded, "Of course. Sure."

We sat down on the floor and ate our burritos when we were done I looked at Nathan and nodded. Nathan gave me a single blink that said, "I'm going to tell her now."

"Okay, well, I'm full now. I'm just gonna- just gonna go finish watching Deadliest Warrior with Cam and Mikey," I walked out of the room and back to Cam's.

"Hey, you've got to see this!" Michael said from their couch.

"Shh! Turn that off!" I ran to the wall that was the only boarder between our room and theirs. The three of us were soon up against the wall, standing on the beds. We began hearing muffled voices.

"So what's up with the Pooh, Nate."

"Um... I don't know how to say this, Erica."

"Say what?"

"Um... I'm- I'm leaving."

"What do you mean you're leaving?"

"I mean I'm going home for a while."

"How long is a while?"

"Until I can get my head clear. There's something's going on with... my family. It's complicated. But I'll always keep you posted, I'll call and text. We could video chat."

"But why what's wrong? Why haven't you told me sooner?"

"I- I'm sorry. I just couldn't. I need to get back home. I'm sorry I can't go with you to see McFly."

"What? You're not even coming to the UK?"

"Or Hawaii or Selena tour."

There was a pause. "What are they doing?" Michael asked, wiggling his eyebrows. I slapped him. Erica wouldn't do anything, she was probably just trying to wrap her mind around all of it.

"When are you leaving?"

"Tonight... I have to leave about now actually to get to the airport."

There was movement, Nathan probably getting his suitcase.

"Do you have to go? I know I'm being selfish, but... I need you Nathan."

"Erica, I need to go. Just a break for now. I'm sorry. I love you."

More movement, in an even more muffled voice I heard Erica say, "I love you too Nathan." Then a bit clearer, "Where am I going to get Nathan hugs when you're not here?!" Muffled again, "I'm going to miss you so much."

Cameron put two and two together, "Oh they're hugging."

I rolled my eyes and pushed my ear closer onto the wall.

"I really have to go now, Erica." The door opened, "I'm going to miss you." There was footsteps down the hall. Erica ran into the hall.

"Please stay, Nate!"

I jumped off the bed and into the hall. From behind Erica I say Nathan, crying at the elevator. He saw me and wiped his face. He pointed at me.

"Take care of her. Just, please, take care of her."

Erica turned around to look at me. She grabbed my hand and looked over my face. Her face was red and tear stained. She ran down the hall and hugged Nathan again. He held him until the elevator door opened. She knew she had to leave him and let him go. She pulled back a bit, and kissed his cheek.

"I'm praying for you to come back the moment you get your thoughts in place and your family in order. I love you."

She sneaked in another hug then watched him walk away and into the elevator. The doors closed and the moment the elevator moved back to the lobby Erica looked over at me. She was still crying, she ran full speed at me and I was quickly wrapped in a hug. Once I got my breath back I put my arms around her securely and looked at the door. Cameron and Michael were standing in the doorway looking down.

"Come on, let's get to bed," I said quietly to Erica.

We went into our room and she silently slid under the sheets of Nathan's bed while holding her Winnie and putting on Nate's sweatshirt.

"Care if I join?"

She nodded with tears in her eyes. As soon as I got out of my jeans and under the covers I held Erica. My shirt was quickly filled with the salt water of her tears. She cried herself to sleep that night...

I continued driving out to practice and shook my head. I stopped at a red light and took a swing of water that was left in a bottle in the cup holder. Why did these kinds of things always depress me? I mean it's not like Nathan ever really left. Erica talks to him every day and so does the guys and me. It's inevitable! Hello! He's the godfather of Elizabeth! I turned up the volume to the McFly CD anyway. Little Joanna was on and this song always reminded me of Erica.