Save Your Heart

In two days, Derek would be going on tour. I only had two days left with him. I always knew we would have to do this someday. I knew the day was coming. When he told me, I was totally fine with it like I had always been. I knew it was his source of income. I knew it was what he loved to do. Now that in a matter of hours, I wouldn’t be able to see him everyday, I probably wouldn’t see him for months, it was getting to me. Ever since we met, we haven’t spent a day apart and now we were about to spend months apart.

Things have been different between us in the past week. We weren’t saying much to each other. We were have one worded conversations. We would mope around Derek’s apartment. We both knew that the dreaded day was approaching and neither of us wanted to confront it.

That night I walked into Derek’s room to grab a hoodie. I opened the door and saw a suitcase opened on the floor and Derek rummaging through his dresser drawers. It felt like someone punched my heart when I saw that suitcase. I took a deep breath and walked over to the side of the bed where my things were. Derek didn’t say a word, so I didn’t bother to either. I figured he didn’t want to be bothered. I grabbed my grey hoodie and left.

“Rylin.” I heard Derek yelled from his room as I was putting my hoodie on in the living room. It made me halt in my tracks. I made my way back towards his bedroom and peaked through the doorway. “Come here.”

I walked into his room and sat on the edge of his bed. He was kneeling beside his suitcase, in front of his bed. He looked like he was almost done packing; the large suitcase was filled with clothes. He sighed and looked up at me. He had the same expression on his face that had on his face all week; sad and solemn. I wore that same face too. He sighed and bit his lip. It made my stomach do a tiny flip. Lip biting always got to me. “Why have you been avoiding me?” He asked somberly.

“Because you’ve been avoiding me.” I retorted.

“No I haven’t!” Derek’s voice began to get higher. “You have barely said two words to me all week!”

“Only because you haven’t either!” I argued.

Derek stood up and walked into the bathroom. “I have to leave in two days. I really don’t want to fight with you.”

I played with my fingers nervously. I didn’t want to fight either. I hated fighting. I really didn’t think he wanted to talk to me all week, so that’s why I acted the way I have been. I suddenly said what was running through my mind all week. “I’m afraid of not being with you.”

“What?” Derek asked coming out of the bathroom with his toothbrush and toothpaste in his hand. His voice was still angry and at a high volume.

“I’m afraid of not being with you!” I didn’t even realized I was yelling until the words came out of my mouth.

Derek kneeled down to place his toothbrush and toothpaste in a pouch on the side of his suitcase. He didn’t answer me right away. He stared down at his suitcase, he looked like he was thinking. I waited on his bed patiently for an answer. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “I am too.” His voice was calm, almost a whispered.

I slid off the side of the bed and kneeled down next to him. I tucked a strand of his hand behind his ear and kissed his cheek. “I’m going to miss you so much.” I whispered in his ear before laying my head on his shoulder.

He kissed the top of my head and put his arm around my waist.“We can get through this.” He got up off the floor and pulled me up with him. He took my hand in his and led me over to his bed. He laid down and I followed. I set my head on his chest and my arm over his stomach. His arm was slowly rubbing my back. I was glad he did this. Lying in bed with him like this was one of my favorite ways of spending time with him.

“Derek?” I whispered. He groaned in return. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed even though he was awake. “I’m sorry. I’m so use to having you apart of my days, I don’t know if I will know how to spend my days without you.”

His eyes opened and they connected with mine. He stared at me for a few moments before gently pushing me off of him and getting off the bed. He went to his dresser and sifted through all of his drawers until he pulled out a plain black hoodie. He sat next to me on the bed and handed the hoodie to me. “Here. This way I can always be with you in someway.” I smiled and brought the hoodie up to my face. Derek’s scent intoxicated me. I took my hoodie off in a hurried and put his on. It felt so much warmer than mine for some reason. Derek grabbed my sweatshirt and hugged it. I chuckled at how adorable he was. “Can I take this with me?” He asked. I nodded immediately.

We spent the rest of the night cuddling on Derek’s bed and wearing each other’s hoodies. Once in a while, we would kiss or play the alphabet game together (yes, we were that cool to play the alphabet game). But other than that, we laid together in silence. It was perfect.