Save Your Heart

“Why were you at my house?” I asked softly when we got settled in his car. It smelled like him. I missed that smell.

He put his key in the ignition and started the car. He didn’t look at me or put his foot on the gas, he just looked down and played with his fingers. “I...uh...had some questions about the...um...rehearsal dinner.”

I watched him; his thumbs was picking at his cuticles on each of his fingers, he kept licking and biting his bottom lip. He still hadn’t looked up at me. I reached over and grabbed his hand. His other hand finally rested on his leg. He lifted his face, his eyes danced from my eyes to my cheek. His hand let go of mine ad traveled up to my cheek. I winced a little when his fingers touched it gently. I must have a bruise there. I was too scared to look at it in the mirror.

“Has he done this before?” Derek asked softly. His fingers moved slowly down my jawline and to my neck.

“No.” I replied back. I reached over and turned the key to stop the engine. I had a feeling we were going to be here for a while.

“ How could you go back to him?” His fingers progressed back to my hand. I intertwined my fingers into his.

I shrugged. “I don’t really know. I thought he had changed.”

“Bullshit.”

“Uh...what?” I replied shockingly.

“Why would anyone want to be with someone like him?” His fingers left my neck and went back to examining his cuticles.

“I really thought he had changed.” I defended myself. Things really were good between Tyler and I in the beginning until everything went downhill.

Derek looked out the window. The night was decent for an October night. The sky was flawless, no clouds could be seen. The wind was a bit chilly, but other than that, it was a lovely night.

“You deserve better, Ry. You should know that.” He told me, still staring out the window.

“I deserve you.” I blurted out. I didn’t realize what I had said until I heard it come out of my mouth. I wasn’t ashamed of it though. I was glad that it came out without warning. I wanted him to know.

Derek scoffed. He started the car and drove down the street.

“What the hell was that for?” I asked, offended. My voice was aggressive. I shifted in my seat to face him.

He threw one of his hand off of the steering wheel and into the air before turning the corner. “You’re acting like I’m the one who left you.” His voice was calm and collected, unlike mine.

“Do you blame me for leaving? You were with another girl!”

“Dammit, Rylin!” Derek started to shout.

“You picked her over me.” I shifted again to face the windshield.

He breathed in heavily. “I didn’t ‘pick’ anyone!” His hand hit the steering wheel forcefully. “I was spending time with a friend who happened to be a previous girlfriend of mine. Nothing I did had anything against you.”

I pointed my finger at him. “She was not hanging out with you just to be friends with you and you know it!”

The streets were secluded and quiet. Derek’s car was the only one in sight. He scoffed again. He bit his lip instead of answering me.

“You chose her over me. You chose someone who cheated on you, with SEVERAL guys, over me, who would never think of doing that you.” I told him calmly. I could feel a lump forming in my throat.

“You fucking broke up with me, Rylin! You left and didn’t even think twice about it.” He yelled back.

“I am not playing the game of who did the worst. I was right for what I did.” I folded my arms together, staring in front of me watching as we made our way down the road.

We were quickly approaching a red light, Derek slammed his foot on the brake. He then turned to face me. His face was angry. “You broke up with me, because you were scared. You barely even gave me a chance.”

“I didn’t want to get hurt!”

“You broke up with me because I was hanging out with someone you didn’t like, but then you go back to a guy who lied to you to trick you into sleeping with him. Please help me understand your logic here.” The light turned green, but Derek’s eyes were still looking at me. I didn’t bother to tell him it changed color. That didn’t matter right now. I turned to face him. I was dumbfounded. I sat there and stared at him. I couldn’t think of any words to say. He was completely right with every word he said.

“Fuck, Ry! I was in love with you! I was completely in love with you.” His voice cracked a few times. It made my heart break a little hearing him to the point of tears. “I would never intentionally do anything to push you out of my life. But you left without even turning back. You were so worried about getting hurt, you didn’t even think of what your actions do to others.”

He turned his attention towards the road. I continued to watch him. He put his elbow on the side of his door and rest his head on his palm with the other hand controlling the wheel. His eyes looked wet and glossy as they watched the road intently. I reached over and placed my hand on the hand that was on the steering wheel. I gave it a light squeeze. He looked over at me, then switched hands so his left hand was on the steering wheel. His other hand grabbed mine and squeezed back.

We arrived at his apartment. He turned off his engine and went to get out of the car. His phone lit up suddenly. I glanced down at it laying in the cup holder, Lexi was calling. I know I shouldn’t care if she was calling him, he wasn’t mine anymore. When I saw her name though, I wanted to cry. I didn’t want her to have him back. She didn’t deserve someone as great as he is. I know I didn’t deserve him either.

Derek looked at his phone, too, and immediately hit the ignore button. I secretly smiled to myself when he got out of the car. I opened my door and stepped out as well. There he was standing near the doorway with his hands in his pockets waiting for me. I walked up to him and he opened the door for me. I walked in and up the stairs with Derek following me. He took a step in front of me to unlock the door and push it open for me.

His apartment was looked exactly like the last time I saw it, except for a lonely and empty suitcase opened in the middle of the living room floor. I suddenly felt two hands on each side of me. I spun around to face him. I breathed in his familiar smell. God, how I missed that smell. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pushed me against the wall. His lips pressed against mine hard. His tongue gently pushed into my mouth. I felt his hands grip my hips tighter as our kiss continued. My hands traveled up the front his shirt. I felt his chest expanding in and out with each breath he took. The kiss parted and Derek stepped back a little to slip his shirt off. I reached in back of me and unzipped my dress. His eyes never left mine as my dress fell to the ground. He gave me kisses from my forehead until he reached my lips. I noticed his hands exploring the small of my back. My fingers lightly nudged his stomach, pushing him in the direction of his bedroom.

His lips left mine for a moment. His breaths were heavy. I looked up at him to see what was wrong. “Are you okay?” He whispered.

I drew in a deep breath. I really was okay. The only in the world to me at that moment was Derek and me, nothing else. All I wanted was him. I nodded in return and pulled on Derek’s neck for a kiss.

He resisted and reached up and put my hands in his. “Are you sure about this?” He asked looking down at me.

I released my hands from his and pulled on his neck once again. His lips met with mine again. My stomach was fluttering. I was so happy to feel his skin against mine again. I was happy again. His hands moved from my hips to my sides, which he gripped tightly and lifted me up. My legs automatically wrapped around his torso. I could feel his lips curl into a smile as he kissed me. He carried me into his bedroom and carefully sat down on his bed with me sitting on his lap. For a while, he stared at me. I smiled at him. The sides of his mouth curved up. My stomach did a flip.

“I still love you.” He said in a whisper.

My smile became bigger. I was grinning from ear to ear now. “I love you so fucking much.” My lips collided with his once again and the rest of the night was history.