Like We Used To

I slowly stood to my feet, my fingers drumming anxiously against my thigh. My eyes flickered between John, Pat, and Garrett, purposely ignoring the way Vito was watching me out of the corner of his eyes. I glanced behind me, a shaky breath falling from my lips as my hands pushed back and skimmed the side of the bus. Ever so slowly, I walked along side it, my shoulders slumped in a desperate attempt to conceal myself.

My eyes scanned clearly ahead, focusing on the way Kyle was slouched in the lawn chair, his fiddling with the device in his lap. The door slammed open, obnoxious laughter pouring out as Caleb and Marc stepped off the bus, gesturing to each other as they continued on their conversation. I pressed my lips into a thin line, wincing as I blindly stepped around a tin can, holding my breath as it rattled across the concrete.

"Jinx?" John called after me, his tone sounding confused. "Where ya heading?"

I motioned behind me, in no particular direction. "For a walk?" My tone cracked at the end, dropping my eyes to the ground.

"No, c'mon, let's go grab some food," he began jogging towards me. "Now's not the time for you to be alone. C'mon."

"John," I silently shook my head, stumbling back. "Let me do this, okay?"

"What? No. Let's go."

"John," I pleaded with him. "Five minutes, okay?"

"What are you going to accomplish on a five minute walk?" he laughed, shaking his hair.

I watched him slowly, biting my lip as realization seemed to dawn on him. It happened slowly, his nose scrunching up in confusion as everything came rushing to him, his lips pressing into a hard line as his hands clenched into fists. He shook his head—frantically—his hand reaching up to rub his mouth.

“No.”

“John—”

“I said no,” He reached out, grabbing my shoulder. “Listen to me, this is a bad idea, okay? I want you to be happy, you’re like my brother. But you don’t deserve Kyle if that’s—”

“I love you, John,” I shrugged his hand off, sucking on my bottom lip at the hurt expression that flashed over his features. “But in order to get happiness for myself, I need to do this.”

“What if—”

“It doesn’t work?” I offered, smiling sadly. “Then I’ll get closure, I guess. I can’t go home knowing I didn’t try. Just let me do this and.. And I’ll give up, okay?”

“Jinx.. I don’t want you to give up,” he sighed in exasperation, reaching out to pull me against his chest. “I want you to realize where you belong and who you belong with.. I just hope you don’t find out the hard way. That’s all.”

I smiled at him thankfully, before escaping his grasp. He starred after me, my head whipping back to glance at him, watching the way he laughed before stuffing his hands into his pockets. My feet slammed against the hot, concrete viciously, quickening at the sight of my blonde love turning at the sound of the commotion. He paused, eyes widening before he scrambled to his feet and towards the bus door.

“Kyle!” I exclaimed, stumbling over myself in an attempt to get closer. “Wait—No, please!”

He hesitated, his nimble, calloused covered fingers gripping the door handle in his grasp. His shoulders shook as he bite his lip harshly, eyes darting from myself and to his only escape.

“I kissed her. That’s true,” I admitted, shuffling my feet nervously at the sight of his eyes tearing up at my revelation. “But that’s all. Okay? She deserved that last kiss. Kinda like I deserve.. I deserve this. I need you to listen to me. I—”

“That’s all I needed to hear,” he glanced down. “You kissed her and.. That’s enough. We shouldn’t.. What we have or— Who am I kidding? Had. What we had.. We’re no good together.”

“But.. We were,” I shook my head, correcting him. “We could have been or could be. But that’s okay. You know why? Because.. I can live with us moving on if we’re on good terms. But you.. You have to know the only reason I kissed her was to say goodbye. I was gonna come after you..”

“Like you are now?” he laughed, rubbing his arm.

“Y-yeah..” I sniffled, my vision blurring. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Hey,” he spoke softly, reaching up to wipe at my tear stained face before placing his hand on the back of my head, burying me in the crook of his neck. “Sh, sh, don’t do that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he chuckled. “Crying? Don’t ever apologize for that.”

“Just.. For everything,” I blubbered. “Oh, s-shit. There goes my plan.”

“You had a plan?” he mused

“Yeah.”

“Tell me.” His thumb traced circles on the skin of my neck.

“To sweep you off your feet.”

“Oh?” he grinned.

“Yeah.” I bit my lip, stepping back to offer a weak smile. “So.. Goodbye?”

“Maybe,” he shrugged. “I’d like to think it’s more of a see ya later.. But if you—”

“That’s fine,” I cut him off, smiling sheepishly. “I can handle that.”

We starred at each other silently, my gaze raking over the skinny boy who somehow managed to lure me into the trap we call love. His eyes bore a hole into my very own, my own trailing down to track the way his fingers fidgeted at his side and the way his teeth worried away at his bottom lip. I smiled to myself, glancing at my feet before hesitantly stepping forward. It broke the trance, his eyes finally flickering between us in a silent form of a question.

I surged forward, my hands pressing on either side of his cheeks as I pulled him down. His lips pressed against mine in a rough manor, my mouth desperately trying to get some sort of reaction out of him. Ever so slowly, his long fingers clutched at my hips as his lips made their way down the curve of my neck. They left behind a searing hot tingling sensation, his fingernails digging into my skin but I still couldn’t find it within myself to complain.

And then, it was gone.

I pulled back, a gasp leaving my mouth as he quickly regained his composure. His hand came up to rub his lips, the small hint of a smile forming at the way the corner of his lips turned up. I grinned to myself, beginning to stumble backwards. His eyes snapped towards me at once, a frown starting to tug at his lips instead.

“See ya later.” I breathed out, breathless.

“Yeah.. Later.” He swallowed, offering a small wave.

I quickened my pace on my way back, unable to hide the grin on my face. My fingers clutched at the handle, yanking up open, my foot reaching the first step as I heard it. I froze mid-step, swallowing as I popped my head out, raising my eyebrows in wonder. Kyle stopped at the end of our bus, planting his feet to the ground in what appeared to be an attempt to show me he wasn’t coming any closer.

“Jinx!” he panted, holding a hand to his chest. “I forgive you. Okay? I forgive you.”

“I forgive you too,” I offered a smile in return. “I’ll always forgive you, Kyle.”

“Good.” He nodded, shuffling back as a sheepish expression took over. “Okay, so.. See ya later.”

“Later.” I confirmed, stepping into the bus.

My eyes sat glued to the door, watching the way it slowly came to shut and so did the light from outside. I slowly lowered myself to the ground, my hands anxiously rubbing up and down my thighs. My ears twitched at the sound of several feet rushing towards me, voices rising as well as myself since arms wrapped around my waist to lift me. I laughed softly, finally realizing they were under the impression I was crushed. Maybe I should be.. But for now, I’ll be okay.