My Father, My Brother

"Remember kiddo, you can't tell people who your parents are out here, the news would travel like wildfire. Other than that, have a good day, and I'll see you at home." Gerard kissed my cheek and lightly ushered me out of the front door before running back upstairs and tending to Lindsey who was back to puking every morning. I took a deep breath then headed to the bus stop Gerard had pointed out a few day previously. My heart skipped a beat when the bus eventually turned up, and I got on nervously. I didn't look up as I took a seat near the front and stared out of the window almost the whole way to my new school.

"Class, today we have a new student joining us who just transferred from New Jersey. Everyone, this is Ellie Kendall. Make sure you all make her feel very welcome. If you'd like to take a seat over there beside Amy, that'd be great." She pointed me to the closest of two empty seats in the room and I shyly made my way there and sat down. I felt as though I really stood out in my bright jeans and dark shirt, while everyone else was dressed in soft and pastel colours.

"Okay guys, we'll start with economics." The teacher started. I just looked forward to art that I had third period.

***

"A new student huh? How are you at art?" The young teacher smiled at me, leaning back against his desk. He was very cute, dark, curly hair and warm brown eyes. His skin was tanned and he had a hint of dark stubble on his chin.

"I've always been an A grade student in art. My dad's an artist as well." I smiled back, fiddling with my bag strap that was over my shoulder.

"Oh really? Well we'll see how we can challenge you here. I'm Mr. Doherty, but my students can call me Donovan." He smiled again and flashed those perfect pearly whites at me. He held out his hand and I shook it, smiling nervously at him.

"You can sit wherever there's space. Make yourself at home. I like having a comfortable, chilled atmosphere in my class room."

"Thank you sir, I mean, Donovan." He winked at me as I went and took the nearest available seat. His seats were padded and quite comfortable. I looked around the room, knowing I'd be spending a lot of free time here. It was bright and colourful, with some amazing pieces on the wall. Clearly the standards were high here. There was a student made sculpture of a giant book with clockwork in the pages that fascinated me. Donovan brought me an A3 sketchbook and placed it on the table in front of me, along with a set of mixed pencils, an eraser and a pencil sharpened.

"You'll need these. Look after them." He smiled before going back to his desk and taking a register.

"So guys!" He said, clapping his hands together. "We all admire someone right? There's someone in everyones lives who we look up to, want to be. Be it friends, family member or celebrity. Maybe even your pet. What I want you to do, is visualise this person. Think of who you aspire to be. Think of their personalities, their traits, their likes and dislikes, and try and get it down on paper in the form of art. You can take notes, bullet point the information you find out. This is the project we'll be working on for the next two weeks before the fall vacation. You can have a while to think about this, but I want you to have taken a few notes before the end of this class. Okay... start!" He sat back on his desk with his arms folded, while I tappen my chin with my pencil, trying to visualise who I admire most in the world. Of course it was a toss up between Gerard and Frank, but that was too predictable, so I wanted to choose someone a little more controversial. Then the perfect idea hit me. I smiled to myself and took a few notes.

x Pure and innocent.
x Cute.
x Playful.
x Has their whole life ahead of them.
x Enjoys warm milk.
x Developed around music and animals.
x Has one older sister.

"This looks interesting Ellie. Who's this about?" Donovan asked leaning over my desk and reading through a few of my notes. I smiled as I read through them myself.

"Well, it's not really anybody I look up to, but it's someone who I love and admire and who I wish I could be. It's my unborn baby brother or sister." Donovan raised his eyebrows and the ghost of a smile played on his lips.

"That's really sweet Ellie. You've given yourself the opportunity to create a whole new person since you don't know what your baby sibling will turn out like, you don't even know his or her gender. This is a really good thing. What do you want them to be like?" He leaned on his elbows and looked sideways at me.

"Well I know my step mom will be teaching him or her how to play the piano, bass guitar and things like that. My dad will probably be teaching it how to sing and paint and draw. I could teach it how to play guitar. We have pets so the baby will probably be an animal lover, a music lover, an art lover. My dad's really deep and, I guess you could say inspirational and stuff so the kid will probably be like that too. We know a lot of gay people and stuff so I'm sure it'll be understanding and open minded. I hope he or she will be honest, kind, and will stand up for what it believes in."

"Wow... It sounds like you have an amazing family."

"I do. They're all fantastic people."

"What's your mom like? Are you more like her or your dad?" He sat on the chair beside me and leaned his chin on his hand.

"I don't have a mom. I was adopted into a 'two dad' family, but they broke up and both married women." I said, not looking him in the eye.

"Wow that's pretty cool, so you have a really interesting background. What's your other dad like?" I glanced and saw he was smiling and I relaxed, now I knew he wasn't going to judge me or my family.

"He's really cool and laid back. He taught me to play guitar."

"So you come from a pretty musical background. That's awesome." He grinned at me and patted my back.

"I'll leave you to brainstorm kid, good luck." I watched him walk away to look at someone elses work before staring at my notes.

***

"Hey Sugar! How was your first day?" Gerard asked as I came into the lounge that afternoon, dropping my school bag on the couch and letting myself fall over the back of it to sit upside down.

"It was okay. Everyone there is so beautiful! With their tans and sun streaked hair and post summer glows. I feel like a pastey corpse." Gerard laughed and patted my stomach.

"You're slowly tanning too El. Did you make any friends?"

"Nope, but I did get along great with the super handsome art teacher who insists we call him Donovan. He assigned us a project to make art out of someone we admire."

"Yours is about me right? Cause I'm like your religion." Gerard grinned, posing dramatically. I reached for the cushion I was laying on and launched it at him.

"Actually, loser, I'm doing it about the new baby." He looked at me strangely.

"Really?"

"Yeah, here." I reached into my bag and pulled out my notes, passing them to him. He read through them with his eye brows slightly raised.

"This is adorable Ellie. I'm proud of you. I bet you'll be a great big sister." I grinned and petted Susan as she trotted into the room and licked my face while it was at her level.

"Where's Lindsey?" I looked around, noticing her absence.

"Doctors. To get a second test and stuff. I asked if I could go but she said I should be here for you. I did make her promise that I could go to all her other appointments though.

"Just think Gerard. You're gonna be a dad." I sat up properly and put my feet on the couch to bring my knees to my chest, smiling sideways at Gerard. He looked back at me.

"I've been a dad for six years Sugar."

"Yeah but a lot of the time you're more like my brother, like you were till I was eight. Now you're gonna be a legitimate, biological father of some screaming, messy poop machine. You're gonna have a tiny baby that's totally dependant on her mommy and daddy."

"Yeah... it's kinda scary when you put it like that. I wouldn't change it though. It'll be nice to have a baby in the family. Can you imagine, a little face smiling up from the floor? Tiny little hands tugging at our pants and begging to be picked up. I can't wait Ellie!"

"That makes two of us." Lindsey's voice said from the doorway. Neither of us had heard her come in. She wrapped her arms around Gerard's shoulders from behind and kissed his cheek.

"How did it go?"

"Fine. I'm definately pregnant, four weeks gone. Only around thirty six to go." Gerard looked at me and I grinned encouragingly at him.

"We're gonna be parents Lindsey..." He said slowly. She grinned and turned his head with her fingertips to kiss his lips. I rolled my eyes and looked away.

"Yes we are. Thirty six weeks and our little prince or princess will be here."

"We need to start setting up a nursery!" Gerard suddenly jumped up. "We need to buy a crib, and a changing table, diapers, clothes, toys, dresser, we need to decorate, we need -"

"Gerard! We have thirty six weeks honey, calm down." Lindsey laughed, setting her hands on his chest and kissing his cheek.

"Can I at least start decorating so there's no paint fumes when Junior gets here?" He asked, resting his hands on Lindsey's hips.

"Sure you can. You fancy helping El?" She asked, turning to smile brightly at me. I couldn't help but smile back and I nodded.

"Great. We have wallpaper scrapers in the shed, we can get started today so the wall is dry for replastering tomorrow, then we can paint!" Gerard was getting more and more excited as he spoke. I laughed and went to fetch the shed keys, and retrieved the paper scrapers. When I made my way to the nursary-to-be, Gerard had already filled a tub with hot soapy water and was wetting part of the wall, making the paper wet and dark.

"Ready?" He smiled at me over his shoulder as water rolled down his bare arm.

"Ready." I handed him one of the scrapers and we got started on two seperate parts of the wall. I loved scraping paper, there was something very cathartic about it, even though it made my arm ache. Lindsey pitched in by wetting the walls as we were working on them, but Gerard had insisted that she didn't strain herself. She suddenly disappeared and reappeared with the portable CD player from the kitchen.

"Thought we could use a little music." She grinned before playing a Vengaboys CD. I nearly wet myself with excitement.

"I've got something to tell ya, I've got news for you. Gonna put some wheels in motion. Get ready 'cause we're coming through. Hey now, hey now, here's what I say now. Happiness is just around the corner. Hey now, hey now, here's what I say now. We'll be there for you!" Gerard and I then belted out the chorus together, scraping the walls with a matching rhythm. Lindsey was laughing at us as she continued to wipe the walls with the wet cloth. At that moment I felt as though we could be a real family, a solid unit. Having fun together while preparing for a new little arrival. This could be what family is all about.

*Time Elapse*

"Frankie!" I yelled as he opened the door. I jumped up into his arms as he clung to me and kissed my face all over.

"Oh my god I've missed you so much don't ever leave me again!" He cried as he let me to go high five Mikey and give Gerard a brief hug. He kissed Lindsey's cheek as a greeting.

"It's so good to see you guys come on in!" He grinned, standing back to let us in. It was the day before his birthday, and all the guys in the band were spending the night here. Everyone was already here and we were the last since we had to fly to New Jersey. Everyone stood up to greet us as we arrived, and Mikey squeezed me extra tight 'for luck'. Texas, Mama and Peppers were yapping happily at my arrival and I crouched down to fuss and play with them. I noticed there was a lot of dogs here now.

"Ellie!" Jamia cried as she came into the room with a tray full of sandwiches. She put the tray on the coffee table and came to hug me, kissing my cheek in greeting.

"Hi Jamia! How are you?" I grinned at her.

"We're all fine honey." She returned the question before going to greet Gerard and Lindsey. Frank came and clapped me on the back affectionately.

"How many dogs have you got now?" I asked, looking around at all the new furry faces.

"Twelve and counting sweetheart." He laughed, picking up the nearest one, which happened to be Sweet Pea. I shooked my head and patted Texas as he came and licked my hand insistantly.

"There's gonna be absolutely no room left in this house soon." I laughed as he put Sweet Pea down.

"Tell me about it. I just love them all so much!" He enthused. He then hugged me again.

"God damn I missed you so much Ellie. You don't understand." I laughed against his chest and hugged him back tightly.

"I missed you too Frankie. I'm not even going to be able to see you again till christmas break." He whined and let me go.

"Don't worry Smelly, at least we'll see each other eventually. Go and grab yourself a sammich." I nodded and went off while Frank wandered over to talk to Gerard and Lindsey. I heard them laugh, and that made me smile. I sat on the couch between Ray and Bob and they asked me about mundane stuff like school, what the new house was like etc.

***

"Happy birthday dear Frankie, happy birthday to you! Hip Hip!"

"Hooray!" Everyone sang and cried. Frank was grinning like a small girl, on his knees beside the Pumpkin shaped birthday cake sitting on the table with five candles in it.

"Make a wish!" Jamia said, lifting her camera and taking a picture as Frank blew his candles out. We all cheered and clapped as the flames were extinguished, a smooth string of smoke rising from each candle. Jamia leaned down and kissed him while everyone was still clapping and they broke apart grinning. I heard Gerard clear his throat quietly behind me. A few of the dogs started barking at all the noise and everyone laughed.

"Who's having the first slice?" Frank grinned from his spot on the floor.

"You are birthday boy!" Ray called.

"Well since you insisted, everyone help themselves!" He cut himself a slice then scuttled away to eat it while Jamia cut the rest of us a slice each. I shared some of my sponge with Texas since he was drooling so insistantly on my lap.

"Oh you are a fatty." I cooed at him, handing him another little piece.

"It's not nice to put yourself down like that Ellie." Mikey teased, coming to sit beside me. I grinned and hit his arm playfully. He messed my hair up in return.

"So you guys are flying home tomorrow. How you finding L.A?" He smiled at me.

"It's... different. I'm getting more used to it but I still haven't really made any friends."

"You will. Hey... can I ask you something?" He said, his voice suddenly quiet. I nodded slowly, handing my now empty plate to Texas to lick.

"I keep seeing Lindsey touch her stomach. Is she pregnant Ellie?" I physically felt the colour drain from my face.

"Yeah... yeah she is. Please don't say anything yet though Mikey please! Gerard's waiting for tomorrow to tell people so it doesn't ruin Frank's birthday should he take it badly."

"I suppose that's understandable. Why didn't he tell me?"

"I don't know. Maybe he wanted it to be a more official announcement than a hysterical and excited phone call?"

"I'm his brother!"

"Shh Mikey please! I guess this is just how Gerard wanted to deal with it. She's only six weeks gone anyway, maybe they're just waiting and hoping she doesn't lose it or something." I realised how dark that seemed, but I didn't want Mikey getting mad about it.

"Okay okay. I understand. Man I'm gonna be an uncle." He stood up and walked back to Alicia in a sort of haze. I just hoped Frank took it well when he found out.

The party that night was crazy. Frank had a mix of rock and party music blasting, so we were jumping between dancing the Macarana, to creating a mini moshpit to Black Flag. It was turned up so loud we wouldn't even have heard the neighbours banging on the door to complain. The lights were down and Alicia had helped to set up disco lighting around the room, so coloured flashing lights were flying around all over the place. The dogs had been shut in Frank and Jamia's bedroom so nobody fell over them or anything. A few of Frank's friends out of the band had shown up that night, but weren't staying. There were roughly thirty of us in total dancing around Frank's living room. There were small amounts of alcohol, but Gerard, Lindsey and myself didn't touch any of it. A few people got pretty drunk though. Luckily Frank had asked people to either smoke outside or not smoke at all 'for the sake of the dogs' and he also said he didn't want any fires. I saw the relief on Lindsey's face that she didn't have to breath in the smoke while pregnant.

Everyone was in a halloween costume. Frank was, as predicted, dressed as Frankenstein. I was dressed as Poison Ivy. Gerard was his own original character, someone called Party Poison, compete with a red wig. Mikey was dressed as Neo from the Matrix, Ray was a pirate and Bob was Superman. We looked awesome.

***

*Frank's POV*

I groaned and rolled over, wondering why my bed was so hard. It took me a few seconds to remember we'd all crashed on my floor last night. I pushed myself up onto my elbows and looked around. Ellie was already awake, as usual, as was Ray.

"Hey guys. How are you both?" I asked groggily. Ellie gave me a thumbs up and Ray smiled.

"We're good man. How about you? Hangover?" I nodded and groaned slightly for effect. They both laughed at me.

"Serves you right man. As long as you had a good birthday."

"Yeah it was rad." Mikey groaned suddenly and sat up, as did Alicia. Slowly and one by one, everybody woke up. Jamia sat up and kissed my cheek as she did.

"Morning baby. Did you have a good night?" She asked, leaning her tired head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head.

"It was fantastic. Thank you so much." I felt her grin against my shoulder.

"Anything for you Frank." I tilted her chin and kissed her lightly. Someone cleared their throat beside me. I gave Gerard the finger without breaking the kiss and I heard him laugh quietly to himself. Gradually everyone got ready to leave and everyone was washed and dressed by the time we were sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee. It was only the band and their partners by now, and Ellie of course. I let the dogs out of the bedrooms and fed them before Jamia and I set about making breakfast for our guests. I heard Gerard clear his throat again and his chair scraped as he stood up.

"Uh guys. I have some uh... pretty big news for you all." He stammered. Jamia and I turned away from the cooker to look at him, as did everyone else. Except Ellie who stared at her hands. I thought maybe it was about her, and I felt my eyebrows knitting together in worry.

"Lindsey and I are expecting a baby." His face broke into a grin as I felt my world crashing down. I could even hear the echos of the shattering as it did. There was a ringing in my ears and my vision blurred slightly. When it finally refocused, I felt myself walking towards him and hugging him, patting him on the back and offering my congratulations the same as everyone else. I was not in control of my body anymore. Gerard becoming a father was so final! It meant there was even less chance of us getting back together. Everyone was so happy for them. Cheering and congratulating them.

"Thanks guys! She's six weeks gone and we're pretty damn excited. We started decorating and furnishing the nursery this week."

"Already? That's a little soon isn't it?" I asked, forcing a grin on my face. Gerard looked like a little boy that'd just gotten his first kiss.

"We're just so excited we couldn't wait. Ellie's even been doing an art piece on the baby at school. Which she got another A on by the way." The pride on Gerard's face was evidant. I winked at Ellie and she smiled shyly at me.

Before they left I had a private word with her in the kitchen.

"So, you're gonna be a big sister huh? How do you feel about that?" I leaned against the counter as she hopped up and sat on the table.

"I'm kinda excited, but it's more of a secondary excitement from Gee and Lindsey. I don't really like screaming kids." I laughed at her.

"Well if you ever need a break from screaming and dirty diapers. You know where I am." I grinned at her and gave her another hug before Gerard called her from the other room. He poked his head around the door and smiled.

"Come on Sugar or we'll miss our flight." She nodded and followed him out. I went with her, my hand on her shoulder. Gerard hugged me goodbye, and I tensed up as his arm that was around my waist scratched the bit of skin that was under the hem of my shirt. He winked as he pulled away and grabbed the case tha they'd brought with them. I glared subtly before giving Ellie one last tight squeeze.

"Have a safe flight guys. I'll miss you so much baby. I love you!"

"I love you too Frankie!" She called back as Gerard took her away from me yet again.