If You Only Had a Heart

I looked at him, with sad eyes before I shook my head no.

“How can it John? You walked out, I know I pushed you but you didn’t have to disappear for five years, if you really wanted to be apart of a family, you would have either stayed or came back, but you didn’t. You just slept around with different girls every night.” I said bluntly diverting my eyes to the world outside.

He let out a frustrated sigh, but never did reply. It was silence once again, but not for too long as we soon pulled onto my street.

“The next one on the left” I muttered.

We gently rolled up the drive way before John cut the engine, we sat in silence for a while until John cleared his throat softly before speaking.

“Can’t we please just give it a chance? Please, Chris, I made a mistake, all I want to do is make up for everything I’ve done and missed over the last five years, I know earlier you were sorry for thing, blaming yourself, but to be honest Chris, you had every right to say those things” he spoke softly all of which sounded sincere.
A t that point, I was confused with everything, I didn’t know why I decided to do this but I did. I leant forward towards John, grabbing his collar and kissing him softly on his lips, obviously he was shocked, because he didn’t kiss back straight away but he did, eventually. Before it got to heated, I pulled away thinking of only Little John in the back seat. A goofy smile was placed on John’s face and mine too.

“Does that mean a yes?” he asked

I nodded my head, grinning.

“Last chance though John” I added.

“I won’t blow it, I promise” he smiled before exiting the car.

I got out the car just as he walked around, I went to get Little John, but John seemed eager to do that. John had always been fairly good with children, I guess that one time so many years ago was a fluke, tiredness and stress all balled into one. That’s expected, I suppose it take does take time to get used too.

John with Little John in his arms, followed me up to the front door of my home. When inside I showed John the direction of his son’s bedroom, he disappeared for a while as I walked into the kitchen, finishing washing some plates from earlier. John soon walked gracefully into the kitchen, wrapping his arms around my waist and leaned his chin on my shoulder whilst he hummed ‘I Must Be Dreaming’ into my ear. I smiled at the reflection in the window in front of me, it was like the good old days when everything was perfect.

“John? What about that girl you were with earlier?” I asked him.

His humming haltered quickly, as if he had just remembered her.

“Oh, shit. Karen” he muttered as he let go of me and got his phone out of his pocket immediately typing away.

“So that’s her name” I mumbled to myself as I left the kitchen to check on John.

I opened his bedroom door quietly, and walked over to his bed sitting beside him. Gentle snores could be heard through the room, he was so innocent, he deserved to know who is father was, I was just afraid he’s going to get hurt. I brushed some hair from his face, before pulling the duvet up to his chin and kissing him on his forehead before leaving the room, taking one last glance as I shut the door.

“I’m going to bed John, lock up when you leave” I yelled through the kitchen door before heading to my room, I didn’t hear a reply.

I closed the white wooden door behind me, as I made my way over to the windows, closing the curtains swiftly before heading into the bathroom. When I came out I changed into my pyjamas, switching off the main light before I climbed into bed, turning off the lamp on the bedside cabinet before snuggling further into my pillow, pulling the duvet further up before I gradually started to doze of but my bedroom door opened, letting the hallway light shine through, filling my bedroom with light, I didn’t open my eyes, I thought it was probably Little John coming to get into bed with me because he was scared. The room soon went dark again when the door was shut, I could hear quiet footsteps that were heading towards the other side of the bed, then the bed shifted as someone climbed in next too me, at this point I knew it was John, which I was confused about seeing as he needed to get back to the guys.

I didn’t want him to know I was awake, so I tried my best to seem completely out of it, which he seemed to believe. He put his arm over my waist, pulling me into his warm body.

“I love you, Chris” he whispered.

A smile played at my lips as I soon fell into a deep sleep.