This Is How I Disappear

It's been three days since I heard the news that my best friend is dead. I haven't seen or talked to anyone that I ran away from that day, not even Delilah. Was it killing me yes, but I don't want to be comforted. I want to be alone, I want to blend in with the background. I want to disappear, forever.

I couldn't drive anymore so I pulled into this hotel slash bar. And I live in this bar. For a while drinking to I was completely shit faced helped, it numbed me. But it doesn't anymore I need something stronger.

“Hey man” a man I feel like I have seen before said.

“what” I said

“I have seen you in here for three nights, getting completely fucking shit faced. And I have two questions for you.”

“Shoot” I said, downing my fifth beer of the night.

“one, what are you trying to forget? And two, is this helping.”

“none of fucking business and not anymore. Why?”

“cause I got something that will help you forget everything including your fucking name.”he said as he pulled a small bag from his pocket. In the bag was a small amount of a white powder.

I looked at this man who was offering me exactly what I wanted. I was standing at a cross road, I know that, I thought in my head about the consequences of each path, the path on the left looked appealing. It lead to Delilah and two beautiful children with me standing behind them, but when I looked in my eyes, I saw nothing but pain. The one on the right was black, there was nothing. But there was no pain, that I could see.

“if you are interested my room number is 21” he said as he walked away.

I sat there for a moment, I thought long and hard about calling Brian and asking him to and get me. Then I thought about seeing the pain on everyone's face, not only from losing Jimmy but from me. I thought of a promise me and Jimmy made to each other when we were younger.

“man, I fucking hate my dad.” Jimmy said while wiping the blood of his face.

I hate it when his dad does this. Jimmy's dad has always had a drug problem. To be honest I don't know how he hasn't overdosed yet. I looked and saw a sad Jimmy. He always tried to act like he didn't care about his father, but I knew he did.

“Jimmy, lets make a pact right now.”

“What kind of pact? Wait what the fuck does it matter, go for it.”

“I, Zachary James Baker, promise that I will never do drugs. Nor will I ever allow you, James Owen Sullivan, to do drugs.

“what the fuck why so formal. You didn't cuss once in that sentence that's a record.” Jimmy laughed

“motherfucker, just repeat what I said.”

“okay. I, James Owen Sullivan, will never do drugs. Nor will I ever allow you, Zachery James Baker, to do drugs.”

I got up and started up the stairs towards room 21, I was going to forget everything I just remembered. I am going to disappear, even if it kills me.