Terribly Fixated on You

Lesson number three; never lose your cool.

I was going through a rollarcoaster that had many loops and turns to it. You know the kind where your feet dangle and on every hill your stomach does a flip flop? I was going through one of those messed up rollarcoasters. Don't get me wrong, I loved those kinds of rollarcoasters but not this kind, this kind was emotional.

Maybe it was just because I hadn't eaten anything besides gummy bears and my head was tired and confused from lack of energy. All I knew was that I came over to Janet's house all content with my life and now suddenly a turn of events happens.

Okay so nothing life ruining happened, it's more like I found out something that doesn't exactly make me comfortable. I had been pacing around Janet's room for what seemed like forever. All I could think about was our latest conversation; Lily.

"She wants to ask him out? Are you sure?" I said trying to sound like the idea didn't bother me. I knew that it was no use pretending when Janet could see through it all, but she pretended not to know for my sake.

"That's what she said." Janet said taking a sip of her diet coke and setting it beside her computer on her desk. She has this crazy idea in her head that diet coke is better for her. I had been telling her months now that it wasn't, but it was no use. I could be screaming it at her or have a professional on diet coke come in and she wouldn't admit that regular coke was better for her.

"Hmm." Was all I could muster. I was okay with it, but then I wasn't anymore. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Lily hadn't even talked to Tyler that much or even at all for that matter, why would she want to ask him out?

There was no point in wondering about it because I already knew the answer to the question. Lily liked every boy, and she got every boy. She has dated multiple guys this year, and I thought mohawk boy was her next victim but apparently not. Apparently she'd rather go after the one person who knows me better than anyone else, the one person I can trust with all of my heart.

I couldn't throw a raging fit about it like I wanted to though. It wasn't like Lily knew it would bother me. She wasn't out to get me. All she wanted was to go after another cute boy yet again; to make him her next victim.

"If it's bothering you, I don't think she'd hate you if you told her that you didn't want her to. I mean, you obviously like this Tyler character." I stopped pacing the room and stared at her. I did not like Tyler. I mean, as a friend yes, but definitely not as anything more. We may have had our first kiss together when we were 9 years old, but that didn't mean anything to us now except for a cute memory that we can look back and smile on.

"It's not bothering me. And he's just my best friend, that's all." I said shrugging like it was not as big of deal as I was making it seem. I felt her glare at me for a minute and then caught on. "I mean, you're my best friend too. Tyler is just-"

"Your soul mate, duh." She said taking another swig of her diet coke. Soul mate. Soul mate. Soul mate. What did she even mean by that anyways? Yes, I guess he was my soul mate if she means it as the person that I can go to for anything, the person who has known me my whole entire life.

"Yeah, I guess so." I said sitting down on her bed and letting the warmth of over blankets cover me. We didn't say anything for a while. Janet was staring at me for a really long time and I was stuck on words; not sure what to say.

I usually got angry at her for poking around places I didn't even know where there, but this time was different. This time, I needed her to sit there with me in the silence while I battled out my annoying irritating ways.

"You know, if you did like him in that way it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world." Janet said after ten minutes had gone by. "I mean, I know that you are anti-boyfriend right now, but-"

"I don't like him like that." I said standing up again. "I'm happy that Lily wants to date him, as long as she likes him enough and treats him right." So maybe I came across a little too overprotective, but when it came down to it, I was always going to be like that when it came down to Tyler and relationships.

"If that's how you feel..." She sang the words to me in that annoying mocking tone that people do when they think they know you better than you know yourself. It was irritating and I found myself a little bit bitter about the whole thing.

"It is." I huffed and lyed down on her bed, letting my head hit her big, fluffy, and comfortable pillow. Her mom used to always bring her home different bed spreads and pillows a while ago, but she suddenly just stopped. Janet never liked to talk about her mom anymore and I didn't press on it because I hated it when she pressed me on things.

I closed my eyes and starting thinking of Lily and Tyler together, as a couple. I guess they wouldn't be the worst thing to ever happen. Tyler would be happy, she would be happy. Two happy people in a relationship make for an amazing one.

But then there was always the other option; Tyler would reject her. Maybe he wouldn't like her back. Maybe he didn't like her first impression. It didn't matter though because I guess if she were to ask him out, it would be between them. It just sucked because even though I didn't like him like that, he was still my, like Janet said, "soul mate" and I just got him back. I don't want him to be taken away from me again.