Terribly Fixated on You

"Lie," I said reaching for a gummy bear and stuffing it in my mouth. We had been sitting on my bed for hours talking about everything. We were now engaged in a deep conversation of 'lie or truth'. I knew he only suggested this game because he wanted to see if I still knew everything about him. Some things do change, but aside from him going from hating gummy bears to now loving them and from hating soccer to now playing for the school team, he hadn't changed much.

"How do you know that I didn't change my mind?" He said irritated but satisfied that I still remembered. So far we were at a tie. Not that it mattered because there wasn't a winner or loser in this, but we both did like competition.

"Because, when we were 7 you constantly yelled at your mom for buying you a bumblebee t-shirt. You can't just change your mind and say you now like bumblebees. Otherwise you owe her an apology." I was smiling as I said this because I knew that no matter how hard he tried to get me with the little things, I would always remember them.

It was weird thinking about us ever being apart for so long. This whole time I had been thinking that our friendship was impossible to get back no matter how much I wanted it, but in reality, it was very much possible.

"Fine, you're right. But I still got you with the gummy bears. How I ever hated them, I have no idea." He took a gummy bear and bit it in half very ferociously as if to prove that he had wasted half his life hating them. We both laughed at this.

He changed positions to lay down on his back with his arms around his head. I smiled at him and then layed on my stomach on top of him so that we were making a t-shape with half of the cross missing because my head was resting on his stomach. I loved how comfortable we were around each other. After all these years, changes and all.

I started thinking about the e-mail I sent him all those years ago and how he hadn't replied, and I had a really strong urge to ask him why he didn't. I fought it off though because I didn't want to ruin the friendship we were rebuilding that was even stronger than before.

"Do you think everything happens for a reason?" I said making eye contact with him. I hadn't planned on saying that at all, but apparently deep down I really wanted to know his answer to the question.

Maybe we were separated for so long because there was going to be a bigger, better, and brighter future for us ahead. Maybe Tyler didn't answer that e-mail for a reason. Maybe he didn't get it, or he didn't read the full thing and got distracted, therefore, forgetting about it. Maybe little pieces fit where my mind spaces out and I need Tyler to place them back.

I wondered what my dad would tell me if he were here. Would he answer the question with a 'yes'? Would he think that his death happened because of a reason left unknown. Knowing my dad, he'd probably tell me this whole story of why everything happens for a reason. Even though I hardly thought about it anymore, he was a very strong believer in fate. I on the other hand wasn't sure what I thought about fate.

"Yeah," Tyler said smiling down at me. His smile was different somehow though, and his eyes were intense. The look he was giving me was not a look I'd seen him give before. "I do." I smiled back at him because it was hard not to with his beautiful face looking at me the way he was. Like it was us against the world.

My bedroom door creaked open and for a split second I panicked before realizing that it was just my mom. She looked at us with a huge smile on her face for second before knocking on the door even though she was in plain sight and could see that I was staring at her.

"Yes mom?" I said sitting up and staring at her, waiting for her to speak. I wondered what it could be that she needed so badly. She never just walked into my room randomly. She always knocked before she even opened the door.

"I was just checking in," She said smiling at me. God, could she just stop smiling at me like that? She was just checking in? Why was she just checking in?

"Why?" I said confused. She just smiled and said a quick "carry on" before walking out of my room and closing the door. I swear to god, that was the weirdest thing I had ever experienced with my mom before.

"I, uh, think your mom thinks we're together." Tyler said laughing. I felt my face go red and made sure not to look at him for a few seconds. He pushed me back down to lay on him again and this time I didn't care if my face was red in front of him. I drummed my fingers against his leg.

"I guess she still hasn't given that up." I said laughing. I couldn't help but notice how big his smile was at the moment. I wasn't sure what it was all about, but I wasn't about to ask either.

He got up and walked over to my door. "I should probably get going. I have to go over to Mason's for bit to help him with some school work." I nodded at him, a little jealous at his leaving me for Mason, but I rubbed it off and gave him a hug before he left.

I just sat there for a while thinking about how weird it was that I was jealous of Mason. I knew that I was the closest person Tyler had to him, and I knew that I could never be replaced, but something about him always being with Mason bothered me a little bit. I was being silly, I know.

I decided that maybe it was a good time to go hangout with Janet. I called her quickly to let her know I was coming over and then left a note for my mom who was busy cleaning around the house somewhere to let her know that I was no longer home. I was still weirded out by how strange my mom was before Tyler left. I had never experienced that before, not even with Josh. Even though, Josh and I were always at his house most of the time. Still, it was strange.